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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 23 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 313253 |
| Visitors Out: 2497 |
| Total Visitors Out: 3809 |
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| Summertime (Part II of II) |
| 2008-06-30 08:25:19 |
Summertime (Part I of II)This is the first year when the excitement of another school year ending, of my summer break beginning, isn’t there. I can no longer section the calendar year based on my school status, like which semester I’m in, which makes each day flow into the next like a continuum. The last day of spring has turned into the first day of summer without me even realizing it. Maybe even because of that lack of separation, time seems to go faster.When I hear Summertime or Boys of Summer, or even How Bizarre, I can’t help but smile. The music must trigger neural pathways in my brain that lead to happiness. The same thing happens when I think of summer activities of my youth, like when Big Easy came up with his rapper name Da Bones, or wh...
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| Summertime (Part I of II) |
| 2008-06-29 23:20:48 |
It was more exciting than the gorgeous Orange talking to me, or sitting down with my own pepperoni pizza. I stepped off the bus and for the next 12 weeks I was on summer break.I didn’t see time the way I see it now. There was the school year and then there were the summers when suddenly I was defined by the next grade level. “Isn’t it crazy that now we’re seventh graders?” I said to Colossus. At least we had three months to wrap our minds around that truly outrageous idea.I wanted to be the first to hear the “summer song,” like Biggie’s Mo Money Mo Problems or OMC’s How Bizarre of the late 90s. I watched SportsCenter more than once each morning, back when it actually showed game highlights and wasn’t just an advertisement for Gatorade and Budweiser.I played traditional ...
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| Angelina Jolie, Will You Marry Me? |
| 2008-06-29 10:49:36 |
The new movie Wanted made me rethink the one thing in this world I knew to be true. I’m not talking about the secret to life, or the purpose of human existence in the universe, or how to survive cancer.Is Angelina Jolie, and not someone else who goes by the name of Jessica, the sexiest woman alive?...
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| I Have a Man Crush on Kobe Bryant |
| 2008-06-16 11:30:15 |
Like any good statistician, I looked for the numbers that would prove Kobe Bryant is better than LeBron James and I would disregard the rest. It turns out Bron Bron is a statistical freak. He was even better on efficiency ratings like assists to turnovers and points per shot attempted.I try to like LeBron James. After all, he and I share the same birthday. It’s not his incessant whining or the way he plays the victim role when he’s fouled that makes me dislike him. He is 250 pounds and built like a truck, and I don’t think he needs to check for blood every time he hits the floor.The reason I can’t embrace LeBron is not his fault. It’s that some people legitimately feel he’s better at basketball than Kobe. Every knowledgeable analyst calls Kobe the best basketball player on the ...
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| T Minus Two Days |
| 2008-06-09 16:28:20 |
Happy [Fourth] Birthday, Bone MarrowMy bone marrow is so excited for her fifth birthday. When I told her, "Calm down, it's still two days away," she made me anemic. What a spoiled brat.Back to Bob Saget, it looks like all that time spent with Michelle is finally paying off....
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| Road Trippin': A Picture Story |
| 2008-06-04 18:41:57 |
"If it's possible for a car not to have an amenity, then mine doesn't," I said to my lone compadre, T2theZ. I had to see Dr. Andre Million in Minneapolis for my five-year transplant anniversary. There's no better way to do it than travel the country and see baseball games, even if your car doesn't have power windows, cruise control or even mirrors on the visors.We kicked off our trip with an appetizer, a quick hop on the Metro to the brand-new Nationals Park. I won't say it's as nice as Camden Yards, but it gets damn close.The high-definition scoreboard is over 100 feet long.If you think that's a good mowing job then you should check out my lawn.Poor Teddy Roosevelt never wins the presidents race.Nice view of the Capitol.It's sad that nobody shows up. If only the Nationals were better, or ...
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| The Lawn Mower |
| 2008-05-27 16:03:36 |
I hold down the lever and yank back on the cord as I hear the rumbling, feel the vibrating in my hands. The lawn mower shakes off brown dust the way a dog shakes off water. It roars at me in anticipation of the blades of grass it will soon eat. The mower knows it is time for its weekly meal. It is Saturday.My dad wants me to use the riding lawn mower, but I don't for two reasons: I enjoy the walking, the pushing. The act of being the mower. Also, when I was younger I tried the rider and I couldn’t reach the brake and almost collided with my mom’s car.For years I mowed with this same push mower – a professional, I called myself. Then, abruptly, I stopped mowing because my left hip was removed and I could no longer walk. It was my job, my duty, my respon...
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| T Minus Four Days |
| 2008-05-14 13:09:01 |
*note: There used to be a blog widget counting down the time until the fifth anniversary of my bone marrow transplant.I wonder what the countdown timer* will show at 11:30 AM on Thursday? Maybe a Chinese fortune. "You will remain healthy, the Redskins will win the Super Bowl and Bob Saget says hello."...
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| In Yo Face, Will Smith |
| 2008-05-14 13:01:51 |
It took Will Smith just a few minutes to complete the Rubik’s Cube in The Pursuit of Happyness while it took me 18 years. That makes me 3 million times smarter than him, 17% of the time. Think about it.I still remember me and my brother playing with it when we visited my dad’s friend, Coach, when we were youngsters. If only we knew to match the colors instead of make smiley faces.Last year my roommate, Mr. Mountain Dew, practiced the Rubik's Cube so many times he could finish without the instructions. I could tie my Velcro shoes without instructions. That was obviously more impressive.On two separate occasions I reached the next-to-last step and then fucked it up. It took over four hours each time. I vowed to finish the cube one day, then cross it ...
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| f*©k cancer |
| 2008-05-01 23:57:59 |
As part of my five-year cancer-free celebration, I attended the drunken debauchery known as the Foxfield Races in Charlottesville. Unfortunately, this year I didn’t get to see anybody passed out on the ground, but I did see girls squatting to pee. Some squatted and faced toward instead of away from people. Those were the special* ones.*completely sloshedThe piss troughs are where the real excitement is. I’ve never had the opportunity to witness guys do trough slides – frolicking through a shallow pool of urine collected from hundreds of dudes’ johnsons. Last year a guy dropped his sunglasses in the massive urinal while he was pissing. Everyone started chanting, “PUT THEM ON! PUT THEM ON!” Sure enough, he reached into the piss, grabbed his sungl...
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| The Tribute to Jerry Seinfeld |
| 2008-04-09 18:11:18 |
I was at Zeke's house when I saw my first episode, just as I was for The Drew Carey Show and Wings. As much as I enjoyed watching Timothy Daly and Monk, I laughed a little harder when we saw "The Chinese Restaurant." "Cartwright!" gets me every time.Watching Seinfeld became a Thursday night tradition for my brother and me, along with a few Fudgesicle pops. When it went off the air in 1998, NBC tried to fill the hole in my heart with pathetic replacements like Frasier and then Will & Grace. What a fucking joke.I'd been watching – "spending time" – with Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine for so long that they felt like friends of mine. My favorite character changed by the year, although I could relate to all of them at one time or another. Any time I saw the actors on other TV shows or...
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| One and Three Quarter Inches |
| 2008-03-31 15:46:36 |
Some health insurance companies cover interesting things, like prescription contraceptives. Sometimes plastic surgery to correct asymmetrical breasts, droopy eyelids and deformed ears is also covered. That all makes perfect sense. Birth control is a necessity for nymphomaniacs, unless they want to be in a constant state of pregnancy. And plastic surgery is a necessity for people with funky looking boobs. Don't even get me started on people with deformed ears – they should have their own schools.One thing health insurance won't cover: the shoe lift I wear because my femur migrated up due to a lack of hip bone. Insurance would cover the lift if it fit inside the shoe, but not mended to the sole. That was fine when I had a quarter inch insert, but now my lift is one and three quarter inches...
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| Office Drama |
| 2008-03-05 15:55:05 |
| I recently finished a two-month stint working in the items processing department of a bank, my first office job. I won't get into how boring and tedious it was. The only thing worth mentioning was I saw a personal check for $9 million. When I looked up her phone number and asked if she'd marry me, she said she was in her late 60s with 3 grandchildren. I was strangely okay with that.For a while, the other employees pretty much ignored me. They'd been working together for years and didn't need some young punk entering their gossip loop. But after a few weeks I became friends with a girl there, F1 (office gossip queen), and she spilled the beans. I realized what I'd been missing by never having an office job, especially one with mostly women – the
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| Fix Me (Part III of IV) |
| 2008-02-22 11:50:14 |
Fix Me (Part I of IV)Fix Me (Part II ov IV)The other patients hung pictures on the outside of their doors, mostly from when they were healthy. I added one decoration to my room, but it wasn’t a self-portrait – it was a Rocky poster. One doctor joked that he wanted to see me throw a few punches. I’m certain he didn’t understand the reason I put it up. He probably thought it was because I enjoyed the movie and admired Rocky Balboa. Both are true, but not the major reason. The movie is widely considered a classic. And the character, Rocky, was one of the easiest to root for of any movie I’ve seen. Not only do I admire the character Rocky, but I also admire Stallone for playing him beautifully and creating him. Stallone forwent guaranteed wealth to act the ro...
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| Again (Part III of III) |
| 2008-02-19 15:35:24 |
Again (Part I of III)Again (Part II of III)As I said in Welcome to the Good Life (Part II of II), during my original cancer I had few responsibilities, and thus not much to worry about. When I got home at the beginning of March, and when I was still at UVA in a sense, I had even fewer responsibilities. I didn’t have to think about schoolwork. I didn’t have to plan for nighttime activities because my friends were mostly away at college. I didn’t have the pressure of hitting on girls and consequently getting shot down. All I had to do was find ways to entertain myself and get blood counts and transfusions. I was actually at peace more than any other point in my life. Bearing in mind I was in the process of finding a bone marrow donor and would need a transplant for long-...
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| Fix Me (Part II of IV) |
| 2008-02-16 00:28:28 |
Fix Me (Part I of IV)My first night in the hospital was the night before treatment began – the treatment that would wipe out my existing bone marrow. Once my parents and Aunt Marchi left, I watched Training Day before going to sleep. That night it was easy to forget that I would soon be getting inhumane doses of chemotherapy and radiation, “Ten times more toxic than for your previous cancer,†as one doctor described it. I had my own room with an adjustable bed, a large chair with a footrest, a TV, my PlayStation 2 and DVDs up the wazoo. I had pretty girls looking over me from their desk just outside my room. In every facet except one, I was in heaven.And that one facet was terrible, horrible, intolerable, and fortunately only one week long because it would’ve kill...
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| Fix Me (Part I of IV) |
| 2008-02-11 00:04:52 |
On the plane ride I wore a high school Senior Buddy t-shirt that said “Need Help?” on the front, and “Follow Me” on the back. I wasn’t actually a Senior Buddy, but in homeroom I saw an extra shirt lying around so I snagged it.As I walked to my window seat a stranger looked at me and said, “I need help.”“What?” I asked, wondering if he was even talking to me.“Help me…it’s on your shirt.”“Oh. Yeah. Follow Me,” I said pointing to the back. He laughed.I wasn’t used to that kind of friendly, albeit strange, conversation. But I was headed to the Midwest for my umbilical cord stem cell transplant and my mom, who grew up in Springfield, Illinois, said that’s how people are out there. She’ll be the first to tell you it’s the exact opposite of Brooklyn, where my...
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| Their Perfect Legacy |
| 2008-02-04 20:15:34 |
During the Giants final drive I looked at my dad and said, “If the Patriots keep blowing opportunities, they’re going to lose this game.” They let an interception slip through their hands and let Eli slip out of a critical sack. They lost the game because of these and other missed opportunities, as well as a relentless Giants pass rush.I don’t know how the Patriots will bounce back from last night’s Super Bowl loss. I doubt they, or any other team, will ever again go 16-0 in the regular season. This was their one chance to go down as an elite team in American sports history. It would’ve been the pinnacle of success – an undefeated season. Even if they win another Super Bowl they may always think, “What if.” They’ve already won three, and a fourth championship will still...
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| Peekaboo |
| 2008-01-27 20:01:11 |
The first time I had cancer I went through five weeks of radiation directed at my hip region, including some of my bowel. This caused mild diarrhea by the second or third week, which gradually intensified to the atomic variety. The hospital was about an hour from my house, so it was never a bad idea to use the toilet before my departure, even if I didn’t have an acute urge to shit.The bathroom was very large for one person. It had only one sink, one toilet, a lock on the door and tons of open space.I remember one specific afternoon toward the end of the five-week period. I expected heavy traffic on Interstate 66, and I also needed to poop. Waiting it out wasn’t an option, regardless of how much I preferred the comfort of my own home. I turned the light on, closed the door, and dropped ...
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| Again (Part II of III) |
| 2008-01-17 20:47:41 |
Again (Part I of III)I was almost certain I wouldn’t finish the semester, so I barely went to any classes. I also had restrictions on exercising. And the one time I partied I was terrified the alcohol would cause internal bleeding because of my low platelets. That left my days about as unproductive as you can imagine. My roommate and I used to leave our door open, but I began closing it because I felt like such a loser when people passed by several times and I was still sitting in my chair playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2003 and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. The most productive thing I did was make a compilation CD of the best Vice City songs and copy it for my hall mates. There was some kickass 80’s music on that game.My bone marrow was dying so fast it was scary. Within weeks of finding...
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| How Dare You, Mom and Dad |
| 2008-01-13 16:37:56 |
The parents of graduating seniors in my high school were able to publish a message to their child in the yearbook. Pictures could be added along with the message. My parents chose to use two pictures: one taken recently, and one from when I was a youngster.When I picked up my yearbook at the end of the year, I flipped to the back to see what kind of embarrassment I should brace myself for. Luckily, there was nothing awkward or humiliating. However, there was something that made me angry – my parents submitted a toddler picture of my older brother, JD.“I can’t believe my own parents don’t remember what I looked like,” I complained to my friends. “Everybody knows I was a better looking two-year-old.”When I got home I called my mom into the kitchen and opened the yearbook to my ...
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| Again (Part I of III) |
| 2008-01-12 10:46:55 |
I am king of these parts. All the doctors and nurses know me and tell me how healthy I look. It’s been 28 months since my original cancer diagnosis, and 16 months since I became cancer-free. This is actually more of a social visit than anything else. I haven’t seen these friends of mine since the summer, about six months ago. They ask about my first semester at UVA. They know the reason I’m here is simply following the protocol. I defeated cancer with such relative ease, it’s expected that I’ll remain healthy forever. I feel as strong as I’ve been since before it all started when I was 16.It was the most common of blood tests that changed everything – the CBC, or Complete Blood Count. It showed that my bone marrow was dying without me even knowing it. No clue, no idea, never ...
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| Phat Jam Car Slam |
| 2008-01-06 14:32:09 |
When I was 16 I nearly got in collisions on a daily basis. Zeke was often in the car with me during these frightening experiences and would give subtle warnings such as “pole,” “car,” or in one case, “big black guy.”I was giving Zeke and Big Easy a ride home after school one afternoon. We met in the lobby where I told them I had "phat jams" we could listen to – I got the new CDs of Jay-Z, Eminem and Dr. Dre. We couldn’t have been more stoked to cruise through the mean streets of Northern Virginia with the windows down and the stock stereo system rocking.Shortly after exiting the school parking lot, I turned left onto Liberia Avenue and accelerated to 50 mph as sounds of Dr. Dre’s Chronic 2001 filled the warm air. Once my car climbed over the hill and began its descent, I ...
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| Ben vs. Wild |
| 2008-01-03 19:28:30 |
Last week I saw the movie Into the Wild, which is about a guy (Emile Hirsch) who dips out after college and travels the country with the goal of reaching Alaska and living alone in the wilderness. Along the way, he documents his journey in his diary. Not only did I think it was a very good movie, it also inspired me to go on a similar adventure surviving in the wild and writing. I think it would be fun, exciting, and above all, postpone me getting a job.There are only two problems with my idea. First, I hate insects, bees, snakes, spiders, and most other outdoor critters. For example, last month I reached into my pocket and felt something funny. I pulled it out and it was an enormous beetle. I flipped out, screaming and stripping off almost all my clothes just to make sure there were no mo...
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| The First Atlantic City Trip |
| 2008-01-03 19:27:21 |
Experiencing casinos is almost a rite of passage for 21 year-olds, so two years ago C-Smoke, Big Easy and I took a trip to Atlantic City, New Jersey. After two poor excuses from them, I got stuck driving. That didn’t stop Big Easy from complaining about my music selection, but that’s neither here nor there.We were supposed to leave at noon, but those two are worthless and we ended up leaving at 2:00. If you don’t believe they’re worthless, keep reading.C-Smoke didn’t have any money with him, so he made us stop at his brother’s to borrow some. He expected $50, but only got $40. “You’re seriously going to Atlantic City with only $40?” I asked. “That’s not nearly ...
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| The Second Atlantic City Trip |
| 2008-01-03 19:26:15 |
My second visit to Atlantic City was spent quoting the comedian Dave Chappelle, talking shit to Hamburgers for bad directions, and worrying about the “Check Engine” light that was lit in Froddy’s car the whole ride. We also stayed overnight this time at the Borgata, again without prostitutes.For weeks I told my two friends how casino buffets are amazing and how we had to eat at one. Those of you who have been to Las Vegas know exactly what I’m talking about. Anyway, they bojangled for too long, probably on purpose to spite me, and by the time they were ready to eat the buffet was closed. Coincidentally, the next time Hamburgers went to Atlantic City he ate at a buffet and lo...
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| Bombs Over September (Part I of II) |
| 2008-01-03 19:24:34 |
My radiation nurse gave me a Hershey’s chocolate bar and a hug on my last day. I’d miss her a little bit and I’m guessing she missed me. But, we both knew we’d never see each other again. That was her job – to send people on their way back to normal life or on the road to death.The entire nursing staff on my clinic and hospital floor, as well as all the doctors, wished me good luck with a “Congratulations” banner. Some of them made a major impression on me and I hoped I did the same to them. I didn’t want them to ever forget that I was the teenage patient who physically and psychologically beat the fucking shit out of bone cancer to the extent they’d never before seen.I always thought it was interesting that I became cancer-free one year after I learned of my tumor, almos...
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| We Don't Eat Fungus |
| 2008-01-02 21:38:57 |
After my bone marrow transplant I developed fungal pneumonia. Actually, I got it twice. But, that's not what this story is about. This story is about my dad and his fondness for mushrooms. He ate them on his chicken and with his kasha varnishkes. I, on the other hand, have never eaten mushrooms. They look disgusting. And I don't like the thought of eating fungus.After my transplant my dad continued eating mushrooms. When he asked me if I wanted any I replied, "I don't eat fungus."Gradually, my response evolved into, "I don't eat fungus – I had fungal pneumonia," finally culminating with, "I don't eat fungus – it causes fungal pneumonia."That statement is totally untrue, but I said it so often that I brainwashed my dad into believing it until one day he stopped eating mushrooms. Do you ...
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| Bombs Over September (Part II of II) |
| 2008-01-01 17:21:39 |
Bombs Over September (Part I of II)Toward the end of the year I developed the itch in a bad way – senioritis, that is. On the morning of May 3, 2002, Big Easy and I planned our escape from school for the first showing of Spider-Man. We produced an elaborate plan just in case the security guard stopped us on our way out. When second period ended we each left our respective classes and nervously headed for the front door. Big Easy was about 20 feet in front of me. Please don’t look back and make us look suspicious. We escaped unharmed and saw Spider-Man in a packed theater. “I wish I was bitten by a super spider,” Big Easy said when it ended.I had a collection of homework assignments due in my calculus class later that day. I left them with a friend to turn in for me, along with a no...
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| Happy Holidays |
| 2007-12-25 08:35:03 |
When I was six, give or take, I told my friend Zeke the truth about Santa Claus: his name was Mr. and Mrs. Zeke, he rode in a motor vehicle instead of a sleigh, and he didn’t have enough money to buy gifts for the other five billion people on the planet. Zeke didn’t take it very well, and replied with, “Oh yeah, well I don’t believe in Hanukah!”As the story goes, Zeke’s mom later called my mom to complain that I shouldn’t be telling her son such blasphemy. Was it wrong of me to share my innate knowledge with my friend? Perhaps. Is it wrong to force little Jewish boys to lie about flying caribou and an old man who trespasses and steals cookies? Absolutely.That said, I’d like to wish you all a belated Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Forefathers Day, Happy...
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| Hardest Hitting Safety in the Land |
| 2007-12-19 20:15:51 |
Much like other Washington Redskins fans and non-fans living in the DC Metro area, I was deeply saddened by the loss of our star safety, Sean Taylor, early Tuesday morning. This community seems to be in a state of mourning – Sean was the front page story of The Washington Post both yesterday and today. I never knew him, spoke to him or saw him, and probably never would, but somehow it still feels like I lost a friend.This is the saddest I can remember being in a while. That in itself sounds a little crazy. I mean, he was just a football player, right? Correction: he was just a former All-American safety with a combination of speed, leaping ability, strength and hitting power that we’ve never seen before, right?I can’t speak for why the thousands of other fans have taken his death so ...
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| Crazy Drinking Story |
| 2007-12-08 16:03:45 |
During the spring semester of 2004 I was living in a house with three friends, including Duckman and Mr. Mountain Dew. The Thursday night before spring break began, two of our more rowdy friends came to visit (Colossus and Vodka/Benadryl), bringing two of their rowdy friends (Strict and EMP).We were chilling in the living room when Mr. Mountain Dew got a call about a party. At the time my immune system was still recovering from a bone marrow transplant, so I wasn’t supposed to be around large groups of people. But this was meant to be a relatively small birthday party for our friend, RightStuff, at her boyfriend’s house.Duckman opted out, so the other six of us packed into my car and drove down the street to RightStuff’s party. When we got there we all split up and I quickly found my...
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| Welcome to the Cancer Life (Part III of III) |
| 2007-12-02 17:33:15 |
Welcome to the Cancer Life (Part I of III)Welcome to the Cancer Life (Part II of III)When I had to get more chemo following surgery – almost twice the number of cycles as before my surgery – I wasn’t too thrilled. I didn’t understand why it was necessary. The tumor was completely dead and had been entirely removed. But, I did as I was told and allowed more gallons of the poison to flow through my veins. There was actually a very good reason for more chemotherapy. Research on different protocols showed that to be the proper amount. But I just wasn’t informed and knew I’d play the role of the cooperative cancer patient, anyway.After surgery, my friends always knew where I was because I couldn’t go anywhere. The one time I left the house to see ...
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| Welcome to the Cancer Life (Part II of III) |
| 2007-12-02 17:29:04 |
Welcome to the Cancer Life (Part I of III)People always asked, “How are you?” It was normal enough, but I despised the question because I knew they were really asking about cancer. But some people asked in a manner that said, “I’m glad you’re not dead, but I won’t be surprised when you are.” This often happened when I went to Temple, where people knew me as the guy with cancer whose name was on “The List” – the names of ill people the congregation prayed for.“No, I’m great,” I would respond.“I’m so glad to hear that. Keep it up.”Some fuckface actually had the nerve to question me that same way just THIS SUMMER. I’d been cancer-free for over four years. I politely responded that I was doing fantastic, about to graduate, hea...
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| Welcome to the Cancer Life (Part I of III) |
| 2007-12-02 17:24:52 |
| I can hear the screaming. I can barely remember anything that happened during the first 36 hours after my surgery, but I will always remember the screaming. The dude next to me in the recovery room was whining about his knee pain. The girl to my other side had just had brain surgery. No amount of opiates in the world could stop her pain, stop the screaming.A year after my surgery, Dr. Phil told me they took digital pictures of the operation itself. I asked him to send them to me, and reluctantly, I looked. It was absolutely disgusting. I was split open and the skin was folded down. There was blood everywhere and multiple tubes either going in or coming out. I could see the bone, and if memory serves correct, it was colored blue either because they put dye on it or because of the
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| Welcome to the Good Life (Part II of II) |
| 2007-12-02 17:21:21 |
Welcome to the Good Life (Part I of II)Besides staying alive and keeping up with my minimal amount of schoolwork, I had almost no responsibilities or commitments, something normally reserved for children in the summer. If you’re wondering what the benefit of that is, think of it this way: I often judge my days based on how productive I am, whether it be exercising, engaging in social events, finishing tasks or doing work. When I had cancer, I could literally watch television the entire day and that would be considered productive. That mindset was entirely unique to cancer and I don’t expect will ever be duplicated.I had to quit piano lessons, my soccer team I always joined in the fall, and teaching Sunday school. I quit using my Ab Crunch Trainer. I quite shaving, shampooing and bathin...
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| Welcome to the Good Life (Part I of II) |
| 2007-12-02 17:18:33 |
People bought me things – some people I'd never met before. Expensive things, too, like video games, an mp3 player and a portable CD player. NoCommonSense's dad wanted to impart some Beatles culture on me, so he bought me The Beatles 1, their greatest hits. My rabbi bought me the new Ja Rule CD, Rule 3:36, which I found quite humorous. I wanted him to listen with me, but he wasn’t so into gangsta rap.My parents and Aunt Flojo bought me whatever I wanted to eat, and rather enthusiastically if I might add. Huge, fatty, delicious milkshakes and greasy, heart-clogging foods were practically shoved down my throat. If I had the ability and the desire to become a fatass, they would’ve gladly financed my extra pounds.School became like a circus for me, attending when I could and taking break...
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| Teeter Totter of Life (Part II of II) |
| 2007-12-02 17:12:12 |
Teeter Totter of Life (Part I of II)When I finished my first cycle of chemo I called a friend from my hospital room. She was having people over and I wanted to share my joy that chemo wasn’t all that bad. The superhotty, Orange, answered the phone and asked how I was.“I’m doing fine,” I said.“That’s great. Do you want to talk to Zeke?”“Sure.”I spoke to Zeke and a few other friends. They were just living their normal lives and I was living what had become mine. Getting out of the gossip loop was inevitable, considering I missed so many days of school. One of my best friends, HollaAtYoBoy, got a new girlfriend and I didn’t even meet her for a month. I was spending much more time with my new friends, also known as my doctors, nurses and other patients. My primary nurse, La...
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| Teeter Totter of Life (Part I of II) |
| 2007-12-02 17:09:57 |
I went into the room and got on the table in front of the large CAT scan machine. That three-minute scan of my lungs would shift my teeter totter of life. No spot, I’d probably live. A spot and I’d probably die. Simple statistical probability. I’d later discover that the anxiety my parents and close relatives felt before the excellent results was incomprehensible. At the time I didn’t even know what the fuck a CAT scan was, let alone the significance of those three minutes.Of course, the CAT scan was just one of the million tests I underwent before treatment began – measuring everything except the size of my dick. There were basically two reasons for all those tests. The first was to make sure I was healthy enough for what was to come. The second was to have a baseline for the re...
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| The Golden Age (Part III of III) |
| 2007-12-02 17:01:54 |
The Golden Age (Part I of III)The Golden Age (Part II of III)I got my first MRI in August. I didn’t know what to expect and was kind of nervous. “It’s just a bunch of really loud noises, like a jackhammer,” my friend Hamburgers assured me. I expected them to say it was a stress fracture, and when they told me to get a second MRI, I was surprised. Did you have trouble finding my hip the first time? It’s only a bigass bone. It took three weeks to fit me in for a second MRI, which is pretty pathetic if they suspected cancer. After that, they said I needed a bone scan and this time my doctor made them scan me one day later. He must’ve known.What a job it must be for the bone scan technician. She saw my future in perfect clarity on her computer screen – a bright white spot over my...
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