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| Quest4Sanity |
| Not your average Shrink. Hip trip with The HEADoc. |
| Language: English |
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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 23996 |
| Visitors Out: 2918 |
| Total Visitors Out: 5645 |
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| DENIAL is Not a River in Egypt |
| 2008-01-10 20:01:46 |
Feeling a bit like I've lost my mojo lately.
In the writing department that is. By that I mean it seems much harder than usual to find something to passionately write about. Usually politics or the frustrations of our health care system are enough to get me started but as of late the angst and fervor have failed me. Just the fact that Bush will be gone in less than a year should be plenty but I'm not feeling too excited about even that. I think I may have become disillusioned by the political system over the years, expecting more of it than it can really deliver. I no longer have any trust in the system and see the politicians mostly as actors that paint an illusion of reality for the citizens. I should be elated and jubilant for the accomplishments of Barack Obama but when I think of him I see images of John and Robert Kennedy followed by the voice of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. playing over in my mind. I'm not a pessimist by nature nor am I a true conspiracy theorist but I do feel that some skepticism and no gullibility diminish disappointment.
I remember the feeling when I found out Santa was a fake. Christmas was never the same. I wasn't bothered nearly as much about that cheap tooth fairy. As an adult, I questioned the validity and plausibility of the Good Book. Still haven't quite got that one worked out. We need things to believe in so that we can make some kind of sense out of this sometimes senseless existence. I've grown to define my job as helping people find their way back on track. The stressors encountered during life often lead to such derailment. Since that person may be on a different track from myself it's amazing to witness the clarity of his or her problem or situation when exploring these things with a patient. Many patients end up in treatment for the very reason of overlooking their own problems to try and help another fix theirs. I can say that at least I do get paid for it, most of the time.
I thank God for the ...
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| Ready To Change in 2008 ? |
| 2007-12-29 16:54:16 |
The time is once again upon us to usher in the new and release the old. . .
at least in a symbolic or intentional manner. Turning such intentions into reality is quite a difficult task. After a string of failures to accomplish New Year's resolutions, the very idea of changing a behavior itself can become part of the stagnation of the procrastinator's world.
Most people change unwanted behaviors exclusively through a process of accepting their current state of reality and then recognition of the unwanted result of that behavior, followed by commitment, will power, and perseverance to reach the goal committed to. There are no shortcuts to changing behavioral patterns. Compulsions must be countered repeatedly and consistently in order to neutralize and eradicate the obsessive thought patterns that drive our unwanted behaviors. Think of an unwanted behavior as a mathematical integer such as negative 10. The ideal desired behavior would be positive 10. Much of ones initial efforts receive no psychological reward (positive re enforcement) since even a major effort would not be enough to even come close to even zero. (U R HERE) (-10) -9 -8 -7 -6 -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 >>> ZER0 >> +1 +2 +3 +4 +5 +6 +7 +8 +9 (+10) (GOAL)
It has been stated that it takes 50 times repeating a bad behavior for it to become hard wired into the brain as a reflex behavior, or so called bad habit. On the other hand, it will require 100 times of repeating the opposite behavior in order to neutralize and reverse that bad habit. One with several bad habits cannot realistically expect any genuine change without hard work over time and commitment to rehabilitate.When people look me in the face and tell me they have made a 180 degree turn around after a few weeks it can be assured that person is quite naive or a damn liar.
There is ...
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| Holiday Ranting |
| 2007-12-15 10:17:15 |
Had another birthday on the 14th.
To me it was just another day. I think birthdays were invented so everyone could have at least one day out of the year to feel something special. The Christmas Holiday has always seemed to overshadow my birthday, meaning that there is already enough to celebrate. I also sometimes think that even Jesus' Birthday seems to be upstaged by the commercialization of Christmas. I hate seeing people depressed because they lack the funds to buy for their children all the things on their list. A list that is essentially programmed into their minds by corporate America. Maybe the tragic circumstances of the lead poisoning associated with the toys in China will wake some people up. My parents talked about getting a bag of fruit and nuts on Christmas morning and being happy to get that. The real joy came from the thought and not so much the cost or designer name on the gift. We all love to receive nice things but I still believe there is more joy in giving than receiving, from a purely spiritual perspective. True love is fueled by giving and making sacrifice for others. Is that not what the word Christ really represents, since he made the ultimate sacrifice.
Sometimes I'm sickened by spoiled kids. I do not condone violence by any means, but it sometimes gets difficult to block out the thought from my mind of what good a few pimp slaps might do for the child with the audacity to talk back disrespectfully to adults or call his mother a bitch or worse with relative ease. Of course it is usually the fault of the parent for letting the situation get so out of control in the first place without seeking help. No need to blame the teacher, preacher, or doctor at this point. Enough of this, I'm beginning to sound like my age.
I'm preparing for 2008 to be a spectacular year. I want the past 2 years to serve as memories of a place I want to try and avoid going in the future. We all need to bottom out from time to time in or...
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| Let's Go 2 The Movies |
| 2007-11-26 23:02:48 |
Hope Thanksgiving was happy for all.
Time off, for me, is always greatly appreciated. I Had a movie marathon over the weekend, which I tend to do from time to time. Nothing beats a well done flick when one is in the mood. Viewing can be the next best thing to traveling and experiencing. I know I'm not Ebert or Roper but I like doing my own reviews from time to time. Not that I expect them to be read or taken seriously but it just gives me something to write about.
The first two times I watched SICKO by Michael Moore I'm a bit ashamed to say that I went to sleep half way through it. It seemed like I was just hearing the same stuff I try to tell people every week and as I have said repeatedly in this blog, No one really seems to care. By the third viewing of the DVD I began to realize that the information in the film wasn't boring but that so much information concentrated into a 2 hour film was apparently causing my brain to shut down because there was no way to comprehend the magnitude of what the film was actually saying in such a short period of time. By the fourth viewing I was starting to feel angry but also afraid in the sense that there was now confirmation and documentation of the things I've been thinking all along but somehow hoping that I was wrong. People are actually dying by the thousand every year simply because they don't have access to health care. The propaganda we are fed seems to make us as a society not have a problem with that fact.
The Brits, French, and even the Cubans receive superior care per capita than Americans and for a fraction of the cost per citizen.Something just ain't right about that. We need to fix it. How? I do not know. Considering what has happened to Medicare under government hands over the past four years, I suggest not letting the corrupt profiteers of government anywhere near the health care budget. Dealing with Medicaid and it's bureaucratic foolishness has led me to the brinks of ban...
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| Does Prayer Really Work? |
| 2007-11-16 06:51:03 |
Does prayer really work or is it just a figment of the imagination?
Most of us are really frightened of taking an honest look at such a question. Somehow we seem to fear that God will strike us down with a bolt of lightening for doubting such a thing. If one really thinks about it, it's not too hard to realize that believing that a bolt of lightning will surge from the sky with the specific purpose of incinerating a living being for a thought that person is having is just simply downright insane. I mean really. I think God would have eventually made the bolt of lightening theory one of the laws of physics, just like the law of gravity, if we were truly struck just a fraction of the times we deserved to be struck. How many people do you know that have have been struck down? Are you aware of any person that could benefit from a good jolt but just hasn't received it? In the context of analyzing this common absurdity of being struck by a lightening bolt, the question of whether prayer works or not is a perfectly sane and legitimate question. The atheist would immediately answer no, where as the agnostic answers I doubt it, and the person of strong faith considers one a fool for posing the question in the first place.
I love psychology and psychiatry because they allow an observer to take a step even beyond philosophy, in my opinion. Philosophy doesn't offer a satisfactory definition for the reality of intuition and intuitive thought. I have no doubts of whether or not intuition exists for I have experienced it many times on different occasions. Intuition can be described as that gut feeling we sometimes experience. Intuition is the act of knowing something to be true by just knowing. Explanations or scientific proof are not required in matters of true intuition. However, there is a thin line between intuition and delusion. Most of the truly great individuals in history were thought by certain others to be a little nuts to the point their fate may have inc...
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| Reflections |
| 2007-11-03 08:12:42 |
Three days ago I clicked enter to save my entry and something went wrong.
Somehow every word was deleted and lost forever. I wrote it off as an exercise in patience and tolerance since there have been times in the past when such an occurrence would have resulted in great anguish and frustration for me. I'll be more careful with today's' effort. It's hard to believe it will be a new year in less than two months. 2007 thus far has been a period that has been an endurance test for me personally. A female aquaintance recently described her impression of me as being miserable. Being quite fond of this person caused me to feel a bit troubled by such a perception for I know that is not who I am as a person. My suggestion to her was to reserve judgment a while longer. My personality traits consist of unusually high degrees of thinking, feeling, and intuition. This translates to a tendency to often react intensely to acute threats of change or actual change in circumstances. The past couple of years for me have been filled with such threats and changes.
As seen in my writing, I tend to often deal with adversity and controversy through cynicism or sarcasm. Some people refer to it as dry humor. I don't mind occasionally playing the role of devil's advocate just for the sake of argument. Some people don't seem to get this. Others are totally down with the program. To survive in my particular line of work it is essential to have effective ways of venting and maintaining some sort of personal mental balance. Daily reality for me involves facing issues of unexpected deaths from overdose, child sexual abuse, unfixable patients, managing risk to minimize the risk of being sued (lawsuits and threats of lawsuits are inevitable), trying to stay caught up on paperwork, staying in compliance with guidelines of the DEA, Medicaid/Medicare, and the IRS, Continuing Medical Education requirements, credententialing and licensing requirements, medical billing requ...
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| Metaphorically Speaking |
| 2007-10-16 18:12:00 |
spirituality and mental health
The cliche', the parable, and the metaphorical figure of speech are effective means of communicating a point to another individual...
I don't know what I would do if these did not exist. Once I incorporate the use of a particular phrase I tend to practice its use until one that is more fitting enters my mental collection.
Of late, one of the more popular phrases that has become common is "When it Rains it Pours." This truth has been true of my own life as well as the lives of many of the patients I treat. The storms of life can at times become quite turbulent and a true test of ones faith. Many will question if they are being punished or if there will ever be sunlight again.
The unknowability of a situation is what makes it an authentic and genuine life test. I have grown to believe that God and Nature cleanse us spiritually by allowing a cascade of negativity to occur in a manner that allows us to clear out all of the garbage and allow us a fresh start. The toxic people and circumstances are faced before falling to the wayside, the pain is felt followed by new opportunities and situations to deal with. Nietzsche writes "That which does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger." The Bible teaches us that God will never place more on us than we are capable of enduring.
I view life as a series of peaks and valleys. Always push forward when in a valley for the next peak lies ahead. You only lose if you quit trying. Suicide and addiction are the truest forms of surrender. There is no such thing as failure but only new experiences where things don't always turn out the way in which we planned or expected. Learn from your mistakes so not to repeat them.
Make the welfare of your children your top priority and you will be blessed. Placing other personal desires in this position of priority is one of the roots of misfortune. Go as far as you can with a problem then turn it over to your higher power. Learn your personal limits. Anger and fear...
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| Clarence Thomas Was On My Mind |
| 2007-10-05 21:54:02 |
I woke up in a bad mood this morning.
I had a dream that I had finally lost my mind for good. I recall screaming and yelling and escorted from the building after talking to the bank on the phone and being told that the Attorney General had frozen my account. I then ran over a fire hydrant in a car I drove (badly) via remote control and challenged the police and an angry mob featuring an extremely obese cop with a hypodermic needle for me. I didn't care if they killed me at first then I changed my mind and decided to run for it. I outran all of them but one or two. They finally forgot why they were chasing me. The colors were vivid reds, greens, browns, and the sun came out as the water stopped coming down. The next thing I remember was awakening with the thought in my mind of I hate Clarence Thomas. How is that for crazy?
I haven't been able to get that thought out of my mind. I actually began to start to like Justice Thomas for the first time after viewing some of his 60...
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| Grief and Recovery |
| 2007-09-26 00:32:15 |
spirituality and mental health
Haven't touched the computer to write in about two weeks and my head is about to explode with thoughts and ideas.
My better entries seem to occur when it seems I initially have very little going on in my mind, just the opposite of what I'm feeling tonight. Oh well, I'll just hit the keys and see what happens. My father was buried two days ago. The whole illness death experience was one of the most difficult things I've experienced in my life. I am glad his suffering is over but it will be hard readjusting to life without his presence. It didn't really hit me hard until the actual funeral procession began. I've always had a phobia of funerals and unconsciously searched for ways to avoid them, whenever possible. One of the worst panic attacks of my life occurred at a funeral when I was a teen. I've learned much about grief since that time. Anxiety was not a problem with the loss of my father. I worry about my mother but sadness and a sense of loss has been what I have felt mostly. I take comfort in knowing my father lived a long life and meant a lot to many people. The symbolism provided by the Navy's contribution of playing Taps and the release of the white doves, and the Masonic presence and ritual I found to be comforting and represented a side of my father's life that I barely knew existed.
Death seems to become increasingly more intriguing to me in many ways. Mostly the spiritual aspect since this presents a challenge for most with a strong science related background. My nature has always been most consistent with that of a Doubting Thomas. I want to see the wounds. The more I work with grieving and dying patients and experience my own grief the more convinced I feel that God does truly exist and has loving concern for us. I never dismiss as coincidence the dreams, visions, and other signs people share with me when going through an experience. After the nurse called about worsening in ...
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| Substance Abuse Update |
| 2007-09-13 11:28:34 |
Some things never change.
That is a great truth I have discovered. Many things are not what they appear to be and if we don't want to see something we usually won't see it until we choose to. As a behavioralist, one constantly learns just as much about oneself as will be discovered about the subject of therapy or treatment. The accurate diagnosing of a condition improves with repeated exposure to similar cases. Strong intuitive instincts can be quite useful and must never be ignored.
In this life I believe there is a reason for everything that happens. I once believed that God allowed substance abusers to cross paths with me as punishment for some terrible sin I may have committed at some past time. What other explanation could there be? Over time I've grown to learn that many times it's not even remotely about this sick and clueless individual who chooses to slowly poison themself into oblivion and eventual death of the spirit, mind, and body. Reality often turns out to be that I deluded myself into believing it was my purpose to heal them, only to eventually discover that the only help I can dispense is to expose them to the truth about themselves and then remove myself as completely as possible from their life, allowing them to advance or decline to the next stage of their journey.
Substance abusers with narcissistic or antisocial personality disorders can be the coldest people on earth if you aren't aware of whom you are dealing with. I have found them not to be frightening but mostly disappointing, frustrating, and ultimately a proverbial pain in the ass. I say that without malice because they teach me more about my own weaknesses and assets as a person than any other type of patient I have encountered. I have found my greatest liability to be that I have a tendency to be too trusting of others. Addicts over time have developed a predatory nature with a highly keen sense of detecting those who commit to trying to be honest and trusting. They have years of experience practicing on those closest to them and usually find themselves on a perpetual search for another bridge to burn in their quest to relieve their psychic pain. It is crucial that the psychiatrist never forget that everything is a game to these individuals and you to them are just an ace waiting for the opportunity to be played. This ace status is directly related to having control of the prescription pad and in no way suggests superior value as an individual. Objectivity must be preserved at all costs and one must never allow their ego to enter the treatment arena, for the patient has a great advantage when it comes to emotional manipulation in such a case. It must be remembered that the goal isn't always cure with this type patient. The main goal, once again, is exposure of truth then allowing the chips to fall. I really hate this game but have become much better with it over time.
Experiments with lab mice have been performed where the subjects receive a choice between cocaine or food and water by pressing a lever. Every single mouse hits the cocaine lever until death occurs from starvation and dehydration. The ability to save their own lives is over-ridden by the addiction to the cocaine. Despite a more highly developed brain the outcome for humans with addictions, over the long haul, is similar. The addiction does something to the common sense center of the brain in humans. It never ceases to amaze me how predictable the behavior of an addict actually is. It's almost like a worn out script what they are going to say or do. I must admit that it is more interesting as the doctor/therapist after learning how to see it coming, which it takes a while to do. The true narcissist might actually read this post (some have read my book) and conclude they now know me and would seize the opportunity to use this information to their advantage. To the average reader I know that may sound a bit absurd. I find it absurd for a person to choose a psychiatrist of all doctors to attempt a dupe or scam on. Any fool could get away with it once but who would try it repeatedly and not expect to get busted. I then remember that the person has a damaged brain from chemical abuse and think of the rat experiment. The total number of patient dismissals from my practice should reach 200 by the end of the year. We have become much more efficient at identifying those just looking for a way to get high. I find it despicable the lengths people will go to to obtain narcotics.
There is such a thing as a point of no return for an addict. I find the disease to be worse than AIDS and just as bad as cancer. The worst addict doesn't see a serious problem, however. I believe this point of no return is reached when the addict is eventually confronted with the choice of family or drug. If the wrong choice is made at this juncture the ballgame is over for all practical purposes. They may verbalize the choice of family but that is totally worthless if a consistent change in behavior and attitude isn't observed over a sufficient period of time. If the denial and minimizing continues, and there are enough enablers available, there is zero chance for successful recovery. A popular movie line is "never trust a junkie." I wouldn't put it that way but my experience tells me that is probably true. I will still always look for the good in people first with the understanding that we all are as good as the choices we make. When a person is involved in a pattern of persistently making bad choices, sometimes the only thing that can be done is to let them know that you won't be a part of that and do whatever necessary to make that happen. Doing so can save hours of conflict and pain.
Posted on Thu, September 13, 2007 at 03:05AM by
Tags: headoc, cd, substance abuse update, q4s...
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