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| UNTREATABLE' S BLOG - Borderline Personality Self |
| A inside perspective into living with a multitude of mental disorders from Depression to Borderline Personality Disorder to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The thoughts and experiences of such topics as suicide, self harm, psychotic episodes, flashbacks, hospitalizations, therapy, medication, society in general and many more. |
| Language: English |
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| Meds: The Beginning |
| 2008-07-03 09:52:00 |
I have been on way too many drugs in the last three years or so and the worst part normally happens when starting or when there is an increase in dosage. It has been three days since I started Effexor again. The headache is a common first stage side effect and thankfully Motrin tends to keep it at bay, the stomach trouble seems to be connected to what I eat at the time so this will require a little bit of trial and error. The mental garbage that is appearing is a little bit more difficult and requires some constant monitoring.Driving to the store the other day when some time in the middle of the trip I realized I was daydreaming a bit and the car was basically driving itself. Little bit scary when you reach your destination and you don't have a clue what took place in the journey there...
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| Lessons We Learn In Death |
| 2008-07-02 10:04:00 |
I believe any experience whether positive or negative offers a path of learning to better enrich our lives. The passing of a love one is no exception.Tomorrow is not guaranteed. What would happen if you knew that tomorrow morning your eyes would never open again. 1. Would you be rushing off to tell family and friends what they mean to you or would be comfortable with the knowledge that they already know? 2. Would you spend the time in regret of all of the things that you wished to accomplish but for whatever the reason never attempted?3. Would you be caught thinking about all of the time wasted on the "ifs" and "I wish I could change" instead of being focused on the present?4. Would you be happy with the way your life went or would you believe that you wasted the greatest gift?We live i...
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| How To Help Someone With Mental Illness |
| 2008-07-01 11:01:00 |
*This is an older post that I brought back to the surface for a couple of reasons (1) Today is a holiday so it would not be very patriotic to work on Canada's Day(2) Freaking Effexor headache which was expected but still rather annoying and is screwing up my concentration.Anyway enough with the excuses and on with the postHow To Help Someone With Mental IllnessOver the course of this blog I have received numerous emails about people who are in a desperate situation trying to help someone in their life who is not mentally well. Unfortunately this is a difficult place to be in as there is not a lot that can be done but that does not mean it is impossible.1. Change. The best medication, the best programs, the best therapy ...
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| The Decision |
| 2008-06-30 13:40:00 |
There are certain drugs in the mental world that tend to bring up quick and fast reaction from those who have taken them. Effexor is one of those meds. This drug maybe the most common talked about subjects on various health boards around the world wide web and a lot of people do not like it. Of course people who do like this drug do not populate the boards for the simple reason they have nothing to complain about. Effexor is one of the stronger acting anti depressants on the market which also means its side effects can be a trip through hell for some people and this is not even including the process of getting off of the damn thing which is known as the discontinuation syndrome. Here is a list of warnings coming straight from Effexor's manufacture: * People taking MAOIs should not t...
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| Television By Roald Dahl |
| 2008-06-28 22:36:00 |
TelevisionThe most important thing we've learned,So far as children are concerned,Is never, NEVER, NEVER letThem near your television set --Or better still, just don't installThe idiotic thing at all.In almost every house we've been,We've watched them gaping at the screen.They loll and slop and lounge about,And stare until their eyes pop out.(Last week in someone's place we sawA dozen eyeballs on the floor.)They sit and stare and stare and sitUntil they're hypnotised by it,Until they're absolutely drunkWith all that shocking ghastly junk.Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,They don't climb out the window sill,They never fight or kick or punch,They leave you free to cook the lunchAnd wash the dishes in the sink --But did you ever stop to think,To wonder...
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| Love In The Asylum By Dylan Thomas |
| 2008-06-28 12:16:00 |
Love In The AsylumA stranger has comeTo share my room in the house not right in the head,A girl mad as birdsBolting the night of the door with her arm her plume.Strait in the mazed bedShe deludes the heaven-proof house with entering cloudsYet she deludes with walking the nightmarish room,At large as the dead,Or rides the imagined oceans of the male wards.She has come possessedWho admits the delusive light through the bouncing wall,Possessed by the skiesShe sleeps in the narrow trough yet she walks the dustYet raves at her willOn the madhouse boards worn thin by my walking tears.And taken by light in her arms at long and dear lastI may without failSuffer the first vision that set fire to the stars. Dylan ThomasWikipedia LinkSubscribe to RSS headline updates from: Powered by FeedBurner
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| Blogging Basics |
| 2008-06-27 11:05:00 |
Now right off the bat the majority of my internet endeavors tend to crash and burn but over the last six months I seem to have learned a few things.
1. Content is key - The more content you have the better off you will be. In the last month or so traffic coming in from search engines has really taken off plus if someone actually finds your blog it would be nice if they stuck around for a while.
2. Entrecard is pretty darn reliable - Now they are having a movement where all of the so called power dropping pages are going to be purged from the system (basically a long list of fast loading pages). I am an inbox dropper for the most part so basically if you visit me then chances are I will visit you. At first I was dropping three hundred cards a day and maybe sixty to seventy would return the favor but now I average around a hundred a day and normally about ninety five will come back. For awhile I would just buy a ton of really cheap ads like two or four entrecards a piece, not worri...
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| June Mental Health Report |
| 2008-06-26 23:20:00 |
I should be sleeping at the moment but I have hesitated taking my pills. Don't tell the doctor but after spending the day lost in the Seroquel fog my brain taking off at full speed is a rather joyous occasion. Anyway I have an appointment early next week so I might as well get this month's report ready. I wrote up last month but never gave it to him as he pissed me off the month before so I decided I was not going to cooperate and shot myself in the foot at the same time ....
Medication -
Morning (roughly 12pm)- 100mg of Seroquel
Afternoon (4pm) - 50mg of Seroquel - this is suppose to be as needed and apparently I need it everyday at 4pm
Supper/Dinner (call it what you want)somewhere between 6pm and 7pm - 100mg of Seroquel
Bedtime (normally I take it around 11:00pm unless something is good on TV) 100mg of Seroquel + 30mg of Temazaepam. It takes roughly an hour and a half to kick in.
Weight -
I think it is lower then it was a month ago but I don't have a working scale but I did h...
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| A Beef - Self Harm Pictures |
| 2008-06-26 10:25:00 |
I was surfing with Stumbleupon yesterday going through the sites related or tagged with self harm and on several occasions came across blogs that simply put bothered me. The writer of the blog for whatever the reason decided to post pictures of their latest self harm session. Now I do not understand the logic behind showing such images but I do know that:
A) People who are in their own battles may find the pictures triggering which makes the war that much harder
B) The stigma surrounding self harm is that people do it to to gain attention which is not true in the majority of cases but posting images is really not helping the stigma to go away or to be decreased.
C) The actual injury from self harm is the result of a very negative coping mechanism but has little importance in the overall picture. If you want to talk about self harm then discuss what led to the result and ways to prevent it from happening again.
The majority of the sites that I found the person usually says someth...
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| Free Writing June 25 |
| 2008-06-25 16:29:00 |
I woke up this morning and I wanted to go back to bed. The sun is shining and there is very few clouds in the sky yet my world seems so dark. I scour through my thought processes looking for a reason for this shift in mood and perception yet I came up with nothing. Could it be that my depression is more of a chemical issue then one of poorly developed coping mechanisms and emotional skills? Effexor, Paxil, Remeron, Wellbutrin, Nardil and Celexa have all taken a shot at figuring out the chemistry of my brain with no success at least not long term success. I could sit here for hours coming up with a million and one different reasons what is at the soul of the monster yet the one which would ring the truest is some days I control my illness and some days it controls me.
(Free writing is basically an exercise that I use to clear my brain, a literary punching bag if you will. All I know is after the exercise is completed I normally start to feel better)Subscribe to RSS headline updat...
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| The Approaching Storm |
| 2008-06-25 11:24:00 |
When my major depressive episode started I felt that it came out of no where but when I looked back I realized there was a number of signs that either I ignored or missed that may have led to a different outcome if I did something then and not waited til it was to late. This list is some of the indicators that I was about to run into a storm:
1. Sleep - Sleep became my biggest enemy for either it would take hours to actually fall asleep or once I was asleep the nightmares made me wish I was still awake.
2. Sick - I have no idea how many times I called in to work sick but the number should have been an indicator something was wrong. Seemed every week it was a new cold or bug and the bout with shingles that kept my body constantly fighting.
3. Patience - Or lack of. No matter how small the incident was it would get under my skin in a heartbeat. Too much energy was spent trying to keep my temper under control.
4. Major Events - I think my depression really started to gear up about...
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| The Making Of A Mental Health Professional |
| 2008-06-24 11:58:00 |
I was thinking of all the common characteristics that make up a good mental health worker in my opinion and came up with the following list:
1. Real Life Experience - No book has ever been written that can truly cover what it is like to be at your absolute bottom, to fight for your own life, to understand the emotional turmoil that shows up when the people who are suppose to love you turn around and stab you in the back. There is good reasons why a high number of drug and alcohol counselors are recovered addicts.
2. The Ability To Empathize - Basically to have a heart. If you are unable to feel what the client is expressing then you have no business being in this field. I am not a book or a diagnosis but a person who would love to be cured but even more important I need you to understand where I am coming from and what I am feeling.
3. The Ability To Think Outside Of The Box - Not everyone with depression or any other disorder is going to respond to the same treatment. This fie...
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| Medication To Do List |
| 2008-06-23 13:11:00 |
Like everything else on this blog this comes from my own personal experience so if I am saying one thing and your doctor is saying another chances are you should listen to the MD. That being said depending on the doctor it is always a good idea to do your research and if you want to scare the hell out of yourself go visit Google and enter the following "Name of med + lawsuit". On with the list.
1. Fiber is your friend. Seems like every single med or med combo I have ever been on tends to dam up the inner working. I have tried a variety of prescription meds to ease this situation and turns out the best solution is Raisin Bran or the knock off version.
2. Watch your diet. So you battle depression for six months and finally the fog is beginning to lift then a new situation presents itself. Nothing fits and some how you managed to put on a lot of weight that is not easily accounted for. I have no idea whether it is the way the med effects the metabolism rate or it is tied into eati...
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| Blog This And That |
| 2008-06-23 10:54:00 |
I guess I should explain the whole directory thing. To me every mental health blog is a place of courage and strength. It is one thing having to live with a mental disorder(s) but to actually come out and announce it to the world in the hope that it will create more awareness and do some damage to the stigma that surrounds mental illness is a whole new ball of wax. Hopefully by more and more people sharing their stories with time we will make a difference. I have been blessed by the amount of support I receive here on untreatableonline so in a way it is my way of trying to give a little back by offering a place where people can announce their blog to the world and at the very least they get a back link to a site whose page rank is pretty high.
Today I am going to transfer the majority of my blog roll into the directory with a couple of key words for the description and I am hoping the writers of these sites will send me their own personal view of their work. A number of people ha...
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| An Open Invitation |
| 2008-06-22 11:02:00 |
I think I would like to start a mental health directory composed of personal blogs so here is the plan. If you would like to be a part of it send me an email at untreatable74 AT gmail.com with the following form filled out.1. Name of Blog2. Address of Blog3. A brief summary of what you write aboutNot sure how well this is going to work but it is worth a shot. I will check out every blog sent my way just to make sure it is a personal blog and that the summary is accurate. Plain and simple that is the way this works. Before anyone asks no you do not need to provide a link to my blog. Take care.Subscribe to RSS headline updates from: Powered by FeedBurner
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| The Layers By Stanley Kunitz |
| 2008-06-22 10:05:00 |
The LayersI have walked through many lives,some of them my own,and I am not who I was,though some principle of beingabides, from which I strugglenot to stray.When I look behind,as I am compelled to lookbefore I can gather strengthto proceed on my journey,I see the milestones dwindlingtoward the horizonand the slow fires trailingfrom the abandoned camp-sites,over which scavenger angelswheel on heavy wings.Oh, I have made myself a tribeout of my true affections,and my tribe is scattered!How shall the heart be reconciledto its feast of losses?In a rising windthe manic dust of my friends,those who fell along the way,bitterly stings my face.Yet I turn, I turn,exulting somewhat,with my will intact to gowherever I need to go,and every stone on the roadprecious to me.In my darkest night,when the m...
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| Heartsongs by Mattie J.T. Stepanek |
| 2008-06-21 10:02:00 |
A couple of days ago when I was trying to figure out where this blog is going I spent sometime looking at a variety of different websites basically looking for inspiration and I came across this remarkable child. For someone whose life was so short he carried such wisdom and a beautiful message. Take some time to read the following poem and then go visit his site/legacy. Every single person has the capability of changing the world.HeartsongsI have a song, deep in my heart,And only I can hear it.If I close my eyes and sit very stillIt is so easy to listen to my song.When my eyes are open andI am so busy and moving and busy,If I take time and listen very hard,I can still hear my Heartsong.It makes me feel happy.Happier than ever.Happier than everywhereAnd everything and everyoneIn the who...
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| Group Therapy |
| 2008-06-20 00:52:00 |
During my last hospital admission throughout the workweek group therapy was offered twice a day to help people gain the proper emotional tools to help them cope with the adventures of day to day living. What would happen is the "leader" of the group would introduce a topic and slowly they would go around the circle where each person would say how this particular area was affecting their life and as a whole they would brainstorm on possible solutions. At least this is what I think happens for I tend to avoid groups like the plague.There are a number of reasons why I avoid groups so I might as well break them down into a list:1. Anxiety level - I tend to spend the entire time staring at the door and coming up with a hundred and one escape routes in case t...
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| Whats On My Mind - A Rant |
| 2008-06-19 10:13:00 |
I was thinking what would happen if a snapshot was taken of the world right now and somehow brought back to be shown to the people of the early 1900's. After getting through the marvels of technology would they be sadden by the so called progression this world has taken?The people of the past would see that the ones who hold all the power are not the brightest of the bunch or those who are trying to make the world a better place but those with the nicest bank accounts. Enormous amounts of money are given to those who play games for a living such as sports or charades. This generation strives for the material things in life and tends to turn a blind eye to those in need and what seems like the only time community comes together is when a disaster takes place. Famous celebrities talk abo...
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| Scary Article |
| 2008-06-18 11:22:00 |
Four million Canadians with no family docStatsCan survey findsBy THE CANADIAN PRESS TORONTO — A new report from Statistics Canada says an estimated 4.1 million Canadians aged 12 or older are without a family doctor.The 2007 Canadian Community Health Survey found that among those who have no primary-care physician, about 78 per cent seek medical care elsewhere.The federal agency says 64 per cent reported going to walk-in or appointment clinics, 12 per cent went to a hospital emergency room, while about 10 per cent went to a community health centre.The remaining 14 per cent chose to use other types of health-care facilities or services such as hospital out-patient clinics, telephone health lines or doctor’s offices.The president of the College of Family Physicians of Canada says walk-in...
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| The Big(ger) Picture |
| 2008-06-18 00:16:00 |
One of the quirks of my brain is that I get completely focus on one area and tend not to see what surrounds it. If I am in a situation where there is one negative part and a hundred positive parts then my focus is on the negative for it jeopardizes my belief of safety and since the beginning that has been the name of the game, to keep myself safe. I did not choose to develop my "alter ego" because I was bored but for basic reasons of survival for the real me was not doing very well so this new "model" did what everyone expected him to do so people would let me be. Of course if I knew at three or four where this path would lead maybe I would have taken a different route but then again my focus then as it still is to day on keeping myself safe so chances are I would still have done the sa...
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| A Detour In The Road |
| 2008-06-16 23:49:00 |
A characteristic that seems to be common with those with Borderline Personality Disorder is they can go on and on about their life with little to no emotion. This is not because we do not process emotions in the normal way but they are not talking about themselves but someone else. There is me and then there is what everyone else sees the so called front man of the show. The problem is when after you let all of this information out about some of your deepest darkest periods is that your brain finally makes the connection that it is not two separate people but just one person and then you have to deal with the ramifications of it.This blog was meant to hopefully help others see what it is like living with mental illness and what I have done to basically get through the days. I felt the ...
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| Weird Mental Tricks |
| 2008-06-16 00:52:00 |
Every once in a while an idea will come through my head that makes so much sense that it takes forever to get rid of it. About a year ago I was thinking what I should do in terms of a future career as I am not sure I can ever go back to Social Work or at least not in the same capacity that I once did. Anyway this idea came out of nowhere that my new purpose in life was to write basically a modern day bible or at least something similar. This delusion went on for a long time and it somehow reached a point where I was having mock interviews in my head and I think Oprah called this new project of mine the ultimate guideline to a happy life or something close to it. Within a week I was all ready and set to start this project then bang it was gone.Paranoia is a royal pain in the ass and it ...
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| My Papa's Waltz By Theodore Roethke |
| 2008-06-14 23:56:00 |
Normally on weekends I pick a favorite piece of poetry, post it and then hope that people will enjoy it plus maybe even search out more of the writers work. The following poem is a little bit different for a number of reasons. The obvious one would be today is Fathers Day and this poem fits well. The other reason is the interpretation of this poem for some people believe it speaks of childhood innocence and others believe the work is describing child abuse. To be honest I can see it both ways but have never picked a firm stance and I am a little bit curious how others see "My Papa's Waltz" written by Theodore Roethke. Anyway here it is:My Papa's WaltzThe whiskey on your breathCould make a small boy dizzy;But I hung on like death:Such waltzing was not easy.We romped until the pansSlid ...
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| In A Dark Time By Theodre Roethke |
| 2008-06-13 23:22:00 |
In A Dark TimeIn a dark time, the eye begins to see,I meet my shadow in the deepening shade;I hear my echo in the echoing wood--A lord of nature weeping to a tree,I live between the heron and the wren,Beasts of the hill and serpents of the den.What's madness but nobility of soulAt odds with circumstance? The day's on fire!I know the purity of pure despair,My shadow pinned against a sweating wall,That place among the rocks--is it a cave,Or winding path? The edge is what I have.A steady storm of correspondences!A night flowing with birds, a ragged moon,And in broad day the midnight come again!A man goes far to find out what he is--Death of the self in a long, tearless night,All natural shapes blazing unnatural light.Dark,dark my light, and darker my desire.My soul, like some heat-maddened su...
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| Mental Health Journey |
| 2008-06-13 10:19:00 |
With my blog being featured over at The Experience Project I think this is a good time to reintroduce myself. Many of the major areas of my life have been detailed to a certain degree throughout the brief history of this blog but I will use this post as a way to summarize my journey so far.I have been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember. My family history has mental illness on both sides going back for generations. Chances are I was depressed the day I came out of the womb and have been unable to get rid of this silent monster since.Self harm started when I was seven or eight with the intention of punishing myself so I would be a "good" child and maybe people in my life would finally leave me alone. ...
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| The Experience Project |
| 2008-06-12 12:10:00 |
Over the course of the blog and especially in the last few weeks I have been approached by a variety of different sites to participate on. For whatever the reason none of the sites really felt right whether it is because their core group was that of mental professionals or the purpose of the site was to make money and not to increase the awareness about mental illness.A couple of days ago I was approached by the webmaster behind The Experience Project to become a featured member so I scooted over to the site and was pleased with what I saw. This site brings people from all over to share their common experiences about any given subject and boy is there a lot of topics about darn near everything under the sun.A group ...
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| Defining Depression |
| 2008-06-11 23:49:00 |
I remember the first time that I met my mental health doctor he asked me to tell him what I was feeling. I sat there for what felt like forever and finally replied that I did not feel anything at all which was the only thing that I could come up with. Thinking back I realized that a very simple question required a rather complex answer.The goal of this post is to come up with a list of examples of answers that I could have used when my doctor asked that simple yet very important question.1. I feel that I am watching my life like it is a movie. Trapped in a theater seat unable to change the outcome of what is taking place in front of me.2. That I am dying. That pieces of my soul are slowly leaving my body and soon there will be nothing left of me.3. That I am in a battle for my life, a ...
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| A Big Problem |
| 2008-06-11 11:16:00 |
Every time that I hear that the Canadian health system is world class I tend to snicker then begin to wonder how bad it must be around the world if we are considered near the top of the heap. The problem that has been showing its ugly face around this beautiful country in the last decade of so is lack of doctors. Turns out not a whole hell of a lot of people really want to become Dr. Doe anymore and it is really beginning to show.I decided yesterday that in the middle of my current health fad that the next logical step would be to book an appointment with my family physician to get a complete physical done for it has been at least four years since the last one. I called up the office and relayed my request which the head nurse responded "I think I am booking for November but lets see if...
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| Trust |
| 2008-06-10 11:35:00 |
I have a massive issue when it comes to trust which is a major hurdle that I need to overcome if I ever want a clear shot at recovery. The mere thought of putting my well being into the hands of others sends shivers down my spine. This is something that did not appear when my breakdown occurred but probably started sometime in early childhood and is a main factor in the development of what later became Borderline Personality Disorder.Right off the bat the first people you are suppose to trust is your parents as they are responsible for damn near everything right off the bat but when certain circumstances happen this is put into jeopardy creating a sort of movement that is going to take a long time to get past. I could never figure out why the people who were suppose to love me and keep ...
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| An Uncomfortable Situation |
| 2008-06-09 11:01:00 |
My last hospital admission was in late September or early October. I had walked into my doctors office and just pulled up my sleeves showing cuts that were made with bad intentions. In the middle of a cutting session my brain decided to take a mental vacation and when I came back to reality I was in the bathroom trying to fix up the mess. Reality can show up at the worst of times hitting you with what feels like a twenty pound brick and I finally came to the realization that I had once again lost complete control over self harm. Anyway once the doctor saw the marks the appointment ended with him picking up the phone trying to find me a bed in one of the two hospitals in the city. Where I live there is one hospital devoted to mental health and a hospital that has a psych department. T...
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| As I Grew Older By Langston Hughes |
| 2008-06-07 23:42:00 |
As I Grew Older It was a long time ago.I have almost forgotten my dream.But it was there then,In front of me,Bright like a sun--My dream.And then the wall rose,Rose slowly,Slowly,Between me and my dream.Rose until it touched the sky--The wall.Shadow.I am black.I lie down in the shadow.No longer the light of my dream before me,Above me.Only the thick wall.Only the shadow.My hands!My dark hands!Break through the wall!Find my dream!Help me to shatter this darkness,To smash this night,To break this shadowInto a thousand lights of sun,Into a thousand whirling dreamsOf sun!Langston Hughes Wikipedia linkSubscribe to RSS headline updates from: Powered by FeedBurner
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| The Dead Man Walking By Thomas Hardy |
| 2008-06-07 13:26:00 |
The Dead Man WalkingThey hail me as one living, But don't they knowThat I have died of late years, Untombed although?I am but a shape that stands here, A pulseless mould,A pale past picture, screening Ashes gone cold.Not at a minute's warning, Not in a loud hour,For me ceased Time's enchantments In hall and bower.There was no tragic transit, No catch of breath,When silent seasons inched me On to this death ....A Troubadour-youth I rambled With Life for lyre,The beats of being raging In me like fire.But when I practised eyeing The goal of men,It iced me, and I perished A little then.When passed my friend, my kinsfolk, Through the Last Door,And left me standing bleakly, I died yet more;An...
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| Pain And Self Harm |
| 2008-06-06 09:39:00 |
Most people when they think about self harm think about the methods that are usually associated with it such as cutting, burning, bruising, picking and a couple more but there is another side to self harm that does not leave any marks at least not visible to the naked eye.I have exercised off and on for the majority of my adult life with the obvious reason that I want to reach a healthier state but there is another side to it. The types of workouts I do tend to leave my body in a state of pain for a few days afterwards which at times feels like a gift from above for when my brain is fixated on cramping muscles it is not thinking about what is going on in my head. In a warped sort of way it is a mental health vacation.The psych wards that I have been on at least a few times a week there w...
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| We Interrupt This Blog |
| 2008-06-05 11:19:00 |
Last night the Detroit Red Wings captured the Stanley Cup for the fourth time in eleven years which as close to a dynasty you are going to get in the modern age NHL. I of course predicted a Detroit win at the beginning of the season mind you I have picked the Red Wings to win it all every year for the last decade and a half since my original favorite team was moved to the states.It was a good series and probably one of the best finals in a really long time. One of the questions that has kept popping up into my head over the last couple of weeks is regarding the awards given out at the end of the year. For whatever the reason they only look at the players and what they accomplished in the regular season which to me does not make a lot of sense but what can you do. The award that is troub...
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| It Stays With You |
| 2008-06-04 10:49:00 |
I went in to Social Work in my late twenties for a number of reasons: (A) I have always been a "helper" so it seemed like a logical choice (B) I wanted to figure out and gain control of the garbage in my head (C) I wanted my father to be proud of me.During my early twenties I decided that I wanted a positive relationship with my father for it takes a lot of energy to constantly hate someone. It took sometime but eventually it grew to a point where my father became my dad and later on my best friend. The only area that was left I thought was for him to say that he was proud of me which in my warped perspective would eliminate all of the emotional damage that was caused during my childhood. Memories and flashbacks that announced to the world that I was worthless, dumb as a stump and would...
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| The No No List Regarding Treatment Of The Mentally Unwell |
| 2008-06-03 10:33:00 |
First day of the exercise program is in the books and my legs are currently on fire. Anyway it is another busy house day with people wanting to come and view plus I have to make everything spic and span so I need to get at it. One of my favorite posts from the past:What Not To Do When Dealing With Someone Who Is Mentally Unwell1. Baby us - I understand that I am sick and you are trying to help but by treating me like an infant reinforces my own thoughts that I am basically useless2. Speak louder then normal - I have severe depression, post traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder and generalized anxiety disorder none of which effect my hearing or will get your advice/suggestion/support through quicker3. Speak to me slower then normal - ...
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| A Plan For June |
| 2008-06-02 01:04:00 |
Of all the different medication I have been on in the last three years none have worked better then anti psychotics to helping my mental stability. These wonderful little pills keep my brain from speeding, seem to keep both the urges and flashbacks at bay. Of course with everything in life there is the good side and there is the bad side. The side effect that seems to follow anti psychotics is weight gain and if your not careful it can very quickly get out of control and put your risks for diabetes plus other major health risks through the roof.The first anti psychotic that worked for me was a little white pill called Zyprexa and at the beginning it seemed to be the answer to my difficulties. I have never struggled with weight control so I was not as careful as I should be and before I...
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| Dialogue Between Ghost And Priest by Sylvia Plath |
| 2008-06-01 11:03:00 |
Dialogue Between Ghost And PriestIn the rectory garden on his evening walkPaced brisk Father Shawn. A cold day, a sodden one it wasIn black November. After a sliding rainDew stood in chill sweat on each stalk,Each thorn; spiring from wet earth, a blue hazeHung caught in dark-webbed branches like a fabulous heron.Hauled sudden from solitude,Hair prickling on his head,Father Shawn perceived a ghostShaping itself from that mist.'How now,' Father Shawn crisply addressed the ghostWavering there, gauze-edged, smelling of woodsmoke,'What manner of business are you on?From your blue pallor, I'd say you inhabited the frozen wasteOf hell, and not the fiery part. Yet to judge by that dazzled look,Th...
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| Poetry - Humanity I Love You |
| 2008-05-31 22:53:00 |
Humanity i love youbecause you would rather black the boots ofsuccess than enquire whose soul dangles from hiswatch-chain which would be embarrassing for bothparties and because youunflinchingly applaud allsongs containing the words country home andmother when sung at the old howardHumanity i love you becausewhen you're hard up you pawn yourintelligence to buy a drink and whenyou're flush pride keepsyou from the pawn shop andbecause you are continually committingnuisances but moreespecially in your own houseHumanity i love you because youare perpetually putting the secret oflife in your pants and forgettingit's there and sitting downon itand because you areforever making poems in the lapof death Humanityi hate youE.E. CummingsWikipediaSubscribe to RSS headline updates from: Powered by FeedBurner
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