 |
 |
|
|
| |
| |
| |
|
Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 43 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 86719 |
| Visitors Out: 919 |
| Total Visitors Out: 1898 |
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
| Why good vs bad?? |
| 2012-05-21 09:01:57 |
Never take you're life for granted.. I did, I just thought that if I was a nice, good, girl, with a little bit crazy on the side that I would get to realize my true potential and dreams..
But it never works out like that.... Why do we always say that bad things happens to good people?? So the healthy hard working people are evil?? I have never gotten that phrase, but then again isn't there something evil, and selfish in all of us? and good things to? why does it have to be either or? why cant we be good wifes, friends, and still want to have a good career??
I think what we become is who we choose to be, not who we are born to be..
...
|
| |
|
| Fight for each other..... |
| 2012-05-06 12:52:56 |
I have met doctors who flat out didn't belive me, and thought it was all in my head... But why has our world become a place where we think people are lying, and that everyone only thinks of ourselves instead of all of us together.. I wish our society would be more like an ant colony.
Think, then I would already be back to school, because I would have thousands being there fighting side by side from me, instead of just a few..My doctors believed that I dint want to be sick, that I am not faking it, I am not an actor, I hate to lie, but I do have a poker face, I just don't like to use it.
I want people, doctors, friends, family, and nurses to know the real me, the scared out of my pants, angry, frustrated, the girl that wants to belive that there is still some good in this world. Think how much we could have accomplished if we did that for one another????
I would want to live in that world..
...
|
| |
|
| My Homework this week.... |
| 2012-04-20 06:51:11 |
My first lesson this week is :
Accept reality as it is here and now.
To be honest, I really don't know. I know my reality, but at the same time I flee my reality because I don't know how to accept that the life I knew is over.
And if I accept it I fell like I am giving up on the idea of getting a treatment that can improve my quality of life.
Do any of us accept the brutal honesty of where they really are her an now?
I am going to have to chew on this a little while longer..
My second lesson is:
How my mind affects my mood and my energy?
thats a easier one. I drag myself into a deeper mud bath, my skin loves it, so does my hair. But my mood is as shifting as summer thunders/rain near the equator.
When I am in pain, I am like a rapid dog, I can snap without warning. And afterwards I feel so guilty, and then I wallow in self pity..
I can see how my mind can screw me over. But I guess thats my reality. I don't know how to deal, so I do all the wrong things, say the worst, and feel...
|
| |
|
| Can I be a Firework?? |
| 2012-04-10 19:41:08 |
This songs really hit me right in the heart. I don't listen to a lot of music this days, it makes me to sad. But this one gives me the shills. It makes be belive that maybe there still is a part of me in here that can be someone I once dreamt of. maybe everything isn't lost.... So Thanks Katy Perry for that :)
...
|
| |
|
| Placebo... |
| 2012-04-09 00:25:08 |
I read an article in a Norwegian female magazine "Kamille", where they had looked into the research on why the placebo pill can be a painkiller etc.
Our thoughts have a direct impact on the chemistry of the body. Placebo Effect is thus very real.
Professor in psychology Magne Arve Flaten have researched the placebo effect for years, and he thinks we should call it anticipation effect. The anticipation are activating processes in our body.
researchers thinks the explanation is very closely related to stress.
If a person with severe pain are plagued with stress, fear and uncertainty, and that can increases the pain.
Similarly, a person who believes that he/she gets help with the pain, reduces the stress experience and perhaps less pain.
placebo effect can thus be explained by the fact we relax when we think we have a pain killing substance, allowing the body morphine to be excreted .
I know I relax more after I've taken ketogan, although it has not begun to work because I know that he...
|
| |
|
| Odynephobia,Agoraphobia............ |
| 2012-04-02 10:40:46 |
I have finally started seeing a psychologist for pain management.
She really nails my worries and my problems. She says since I cant know when, how, or how strong the pain is that I have developed Odynephobia, (fear of pain) Agoraphobia because I don't manage places which I cant control. But where others are scared because of a panic attack, I am scared because I had esophagus spasms in that environment or mode of travel
She says I run from it, rather than face it, and that I can actually provoke the spasms..
She says that she cant take the pain away, but she can help me confront and accept it.
This is my reality, and I have to think in the present, not the past or the future. I have to come to terms with what is, and if I am in pain that thats ok. I shouldn't fight, give up or feel guilty, but accept it.
And the bad experiences I've had in the past should not shape what I do in the future, but rather teach me what I must do different so it wont happen, if possible.
This is going t...
|
| |
|
| Acceptance 2012 |
| 2012-03-22 13:41:02 |
If you are sick in Norway, you are seen as lazy. If you fight, you are living in a fantasy. If you give up, you can just as well roll over and die, because then there are no use for you..
And if you try to be a part of the workforce, and fail, you are week, no backbone.
Why do we label sick people like this?? aren't we human? Do you think that anyone wants to be sick?? Would you rather be sick, stigmatized or work and feel part of the community??
I know my answer. hell yeah. I work my ass of for a future that may never come. I dream of a live that is slipping away. I love, I cry, and I celebrate those around me when they do something good.
But who celebrates for the sick? who gives them a boost to keep going?? Where is the understanding??
We say we are a united people, but we are not. we are selfish, little greedy people that care only about ourself.
I am that way to. I think my situation is so much worse than everyone else's, but who am I to judge??
Al those happy updates on f...
|
| |
|
| After new years.... right???? |
| 2012-03-20 06:50:25 |
My doctor at the State University Hospital told my family doctor that they would have see me more often and work faster for a solution to my problems, and that I would get a new appointment right after new year.
I called today to ask if they had forgotten me or something, because it has been over 3 months since I had been there, and usually I am there every 3 months. I got a date 17 of April(4 1/2 month since last time), so more helps in Norway means less. they said I was high priority, so how often goes the low priority, every 3 years?? No wonder people are on sick leave long in this country!!!
If the waiting list on the pain clinic is getting longer, you have to build it out more, not down. They have enough patients to be open 8-16 every day, not 8-12.
Second I was suppose to get this new treatment on my lung scar that was to begin in December 2011. Today they told me that the procedure hasn't started yet, but only after I called and asked why nobody had gotten back t...
|
| |
|
| To much at once |
| 2012-03-05 12:15:50 |
This few weeks have been so hard. my grandmother was hasted into surgery, because they found a tumor in hel colon. it was so big that she couldn't go to the toilet. but she is the most strong fears little woman I have ever met. And she has so much empathy for other. When I visited her at the hospital she was more worried about me.
I got to talk to her before the surgery because we didn't now how it would go, but she was comforting me. I cried the entire time. As I have said before, I have never really lost someone in my closest family, and now I am coming to the understanding that I will loose some of the people I love, and I cant deal.. I feel my emotions is in crisis,fog mode. I am here, but nor really...
Tomorrow we get the news if her cancer has spread to other organs, so my pulse is through the roof.. I love this sweet hard headed woman so much..
...
|
| |
|
| Big Change.. |
| 2012-01-30 10:32:41 |
Since the time I first got sick, I thought it would pass, I was sure of it. I still think that I will get better, or find a treatment that will help me.
Until then, we have to make our life as easy as possible. And comfortable.
So we have swapped our living room with our old office. And we have made half of the office into a dinning room.
We have also bought a new couch, but we have to wait 3 weeks (Can hardly wait 3 days)
We have sold some stuff that we didn't need, used, had room for etc.. We have also sorted through our stuff and thrown away what we don't use, or need anymore..I cant hope that my life will go back to the way it were..
I have been looking back for 2 years. Its time to look forward. I am not saying its going to be easy, and I will not give up. But I cant live in what should have been.
I am probably still going to cry, be mad, curse and scream in pain, but with a little help from cognitive therapy and psychiatries maybe I can start to see a future???
At least I ho...
|
| |
|
| |
 |
|
| |
| |
|
 |
