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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 37 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 930984 |
| Visitors Out: 977 |
| Total Visitors Out: 2481 |
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| Pin the tail on the house wife.... |
| 2012-01-07 10:05:00 |
As any dog owner can attest, it is possible to know how your pet is feeling by looking at their tail.
For those of you who do not have dogs "Tails" are usually located at the rear end of the dog - that is the end without eyes, and they can range in size from a few inches to several feet.
Body Language based on tail position examples:
Tail Position: Straight out from body. = AGGRESSIVE
Tail Position: Partially lowered. = ANXIOUS
Tail Position: Up.Wagging. = CURIOUS/EAGER/ EXCITED
Tail Position: Wagging vigorously. = HAPPY/PLAYFUL
I'm sure you will agree that this can be a very helpful tool in regards to determining your dog's mood and attitude.
I would like to propose that we consider surgically implanting tails onto women. Speaking as a man who has been in a long term relationship with a female with 3 daughters ,a surgically implanted tail could have saved me much grief and needless arguments.
Women are a more complex species - admit it guys we're not that compli...
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| Christmas Trees and the PC Police |
| 2011-12-23 10:25:00 |
"Psst hey buddy - wanna buy a Christmas Tree?"
A shadowy figure beckoned to me from the alleyway. Usually having any interaction with men in alleyways was never a recommended practice - let alone on a dark December night.
"I know you want it" the figure spoke again, and he slowly pulled back his trench coat to reveal the branches of a Christmas Tree.
My heart begin to race, my mouth was dry. The shadowy figure was right. I did want it - I needed to have my own Christmas Tree. I wanted to decorate the tree with shiny baubles and top it all off with an angel. Maybe I would set my model of the Nativity under the tree - but dare I risk attracting the attention of the PC Police?
The PC Police or Politically Correct Police where every where, and they where everyone. During the "Holiday Season" they patrolled the neighborhoods looking for anything that celebrated the birth of Christ.
If they saw any Christmas displays the offenses could range from a ticket for a minor offense - such a...
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| This site is OCCUPIED! |
| 2011-12-14 15:37:00 |
The occupy movement has packed up their tents and gone back to sleeping in their parents' basement. Has anything even changed as a result of their actions? The simple answer is no!
I think the "occupiers" could have achieved great things if they had only picked the right spot for their protest movement. Instead they picked locations that looked good on TV such as Wall Street. Other then a few day traders needing delousing and the odd tetanus shot, none of the 1% was inconvenienced in any fashion.
I propose that to get results, the occupiers should not have camped out on Wall Street but rather they should have "occupied" every washroom in New York.
If you've ever been outside a locked bathroom door - legs crossed, buttocks clenched, your face drenched with sweat - praying frantically to whatever God you hold dear - you understand how effective this technique could have been.
The nightly news would be full of images of the rich and powerful shifting uncomfortably from side to sid...
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| Is Santa Claus a bad example??? |
| 2011-12-01 17:56:00 |
There was a recent post in the British Medical Journal that blamed Santa Claus for the rise in childhood obesity, smoking, drinking etc. I have included the link below if you want to read more about it or you think I'm making this up.
Santa Claus - setting a bad example
Santa has an extremely stressful job so one can only expect that jolly old St. Nick would need to blow off some steam now and again. So he eats a diet high in sugar and saturated fats is that so wrong? Few among us have not also succumbed to the very same thing during a late night snack attack.
Santa has not had any Charlie Sheen inspired parties for years now - ever since Mrs Claus entered the picture. Charlie Sheen style parties always seem to involve a smorgasbord of pharmaceuticals and an assortment of some of the adult film industries best talent(?)
Santa has never been a football coach with an unnatural obsession with his quarterback's sack.
Santa was kissing Mommy under the mistletoe not little Billy. Cu...
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| Why Jesus Christ does not have an I Phone... |
| 2011-11-13 11:09:00 |
I saw Jesus the other day and he was furious. I don't think I've ever seen him this angry. Even all the sodomizing that the Vatican did never evoked this type of response.
"That's it I've F*##@#* had it with that Steve Jobs jackass"
Jesus' outburst caused several patrons in the cafe to cast disapproving glances at the son of God.
"Ever since he died I've heard nothing else but Steve Jobs this, IPhone that - even Dad is saying that Steve would have done a better job than me. But this is the last f*#@$% straw"
With that Jesus thrust a newspaper article under my nose.
"Read it!" He roared.
It was an article from the Los Angeles Times, the headline seemed to leap off the page.
Steve Jobs conducting miracles in suburban basement.
The article went on to explain how after a flood in his basement, homeowner Charles Gonzalez found the image of former Apple founder Steve Jobs in a water stain on the wall.
"I didn't think anything of it when I first saw it" Gonzalez explains "But all that ...
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| How the Horn of Africa is helping save a Hollywood salon from destruction. |
| 2011-08-23 09:45:00 |
It truly is amazing what can happen when people band together for a common cause. This was clearly seen this past weekend in regards to the threatened closure of one of Hollywood's most famous salons.
The salon -(which will remain nameless for legal reasons) is going to be destroyed so the city of LA could put up a multi-storied parking garage. The hue and cry from the people on Hollywood's A list about the prospect of losing their favorite salon was tremendous.
Only a few minutes after the LA city council made their decision, a daytime soap star sent an email about the anticipated destruction of their beloved salon to a few of her close friends. In the email she asked that everyone show solidarity and support by having a hunger strike until the salon was saved from the wrecking ball.
Thanks to the wonder(?) of the internet the soap star's email made it's way to the Horn of Africa where she found a group of people that were only too eager to take up the hunger strike cause if ...
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| RIP- Money For Nothing 1985 -2011 |
| 2011-01-16 09:55:00 |
I cannot believe that this is happening in 2011 but the "geniuses" at The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council have banned all Canadian Radio stations from playing the Dire Straits mega hit - Money For Nothing. They claim a listener was offended by the use of the term "faggot" in the song.Money for Nothing for those who may not be aware was released in 1985 and was an international hit for Dire Straits.I guess if one international mega hit can be banned from the airwaves by the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council there are sure to be others to follow.I have included a list of major rock hits that I have deemed offensive to certain segments of the population. I propose that everyone write into the CBSC with their own suggestion of a mega hit that needs to be banished from the airwaves.If w...
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| From the Christmas Vault |
| 2010-12-22 11:46:00 |
With the appearance of both Jesus and Santa Claus likely to occur in a matter of days. I wanted to dredge out a few Christmas themed posts from the archives for you to enjoy.The first link is to the story behind the "Nativity Story"The Real Nativity StoryAnd the other link is to an old standby here at Out of the Mouth of Dave it's a cherry little cartoon I drew a few years ago in an attempt to capture the holiday season.King of the ElvesEnjoy all the holiday has to offer and be sure to wish those Politically Correct bastards out there a Merry Christmas!-Dave
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| TSA "Fantasy" patdowns coming soon. |
| 2010-11-18 09:01:00 |
I'm sure by now everyone is aware of the whole TSA screening debacle. Let me summarize for those who are not- Minimum wage TSA employees have been accused of groping travelers. Running their hands over women's breasts and touching male travelers "junk". All this press has had a negative impact on the TSA and put a bad taste in the air travelers mouth.Late night talk show hosts now joke about going to the airport for a "quickie". The TSA should take the bull by the proverbial horns and mine this publicity goldmine for all it's worth.I propose that the TSA hire celebrity look a likes to pat down air travelers. What woman would refuse to have Johnny Depp run his hands over her breasts? and what man is going to refuse having Pamela Anderson touch his junk? Exactly, none!The setup would be...
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| The Good News behind Childhood Obesity |
| 2010-10-17 08:36:00 |
People say that every cloud has a silver lining and the gray cloud of rising childhood obesity is no exception. How can an increase in number of obese children have any positive impact at all? Allow me to explain.The spike in childhood obesity is due to the fact that kids today are much more sedentary than previous generations. Kids now play video games instead of road hockey, they spend their days "tweeting" and "Facebooking" instead of building tree forts and playing "Cowboys and Native American Casino Owners". Of course this sedentary lifestyle means that our kids are packing on the pounds especially when you add in the high fat, high sugar snack foods they gorge on during their all night sessions of World of Warcraft.So with all this going on where the hell is the silver lining?Well y...
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