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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 8010 |
| Visitors Out: 1465 |
| Total Visitors Out: 2144 |
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| Your job is to build our railroads |
| 2007-07-06 13:58:54 |
Setup: China is challenging India for tech outsourcing, but lags India in college graduates who speak the English language.
Punchline: I guess the British colonization of India was worth something after all.
http://www.forbes.com/business/2007/07/06/india-china-outsourcing-markets-econ-cx_rd_0705markets5.html?partner=rss......
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| Paris Hilton in the Wall Street Journal |
| 2007-07-05 12:00:36 |
http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2007/07/03/more-to-come-on-paris-hilton/
Mary Lu Carnevale reports on reaction to Bush’s clemency for Paris Hilton.
Some conservatives were frustrated with President Bush’s decision to grant “Simple Life” Hilton something less than a full pardon for his felony convictions of perjury and obstruction of justice.
Robert Novak, the columnist who triggered the leak inquiry by reporting that CIA operative Valerie Plame [...]......
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| So I shaved my head… I look cool |
| 2007-06-16 22:25:37 |
The median age in the United states is 36.4 years old.
This means you should buy stock in exotic car companies, because a lot of men are about to have mid-life crises…......
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| Chicken stock… that’s for cooking right? |
| 2007-06-16 22:19:08 |
I was having a conversation about stocks when someone said, “As baby boomers continue age you should buy companies that make prosthetic hip and knee replacements.”
I replied, “As baby boomers continue to age, I’ll buy funeral home stock.”......
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| She looked a little “red” in the face… |
| 2007-06-14 00:27:03 |
I walked into the Museum of the American Indian (or whatever it is called) today, and asked the cute white girl at the information booth where the craps table was…......
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| In the beginning… |
| 2007-06-11 15:33:12 |
A big Jewish baby should not be named David, especially if it’s a girl.......
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| Just pull the trigger already, and deliver us from your corny jokes |
| 2007-06-10 03:57:23 |
I’m a failure at everything. I can’t keep a job. I can’t get a girlfriend. And I can’t stop my toe nail clippings from flying into my face.
One night, I was so depressed about my current state of affairs I decided to get drunk. I wanted to be an alcoholic, but it was a Sunday… [...]......
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| take heed - corny stuff ahead… |
| 2007-06-10 02:34:35 |
Put all your eggs in the right basket(s), and you’ll have to hear any basket cliches anymore.
If you put that in your bong, and smoke it, you won’t care that you put all your eggs in one basket.
If you always put your best foot forward, the right basket is investing in a cane.
If you always [...]......
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| Investment guru makes new move - Part 6 |
| 2007-06-09 23:15:00 |
Click here for Part 1. You can do a search for “buffet,” for the other posts, on your left.
Two years ago, billionaire investor Warren Buffet bought a huge stake in the Anheuser Busch beer brewing company. His reasoning was that “there is a high probability that people will be drinking alcohol until the end of humanity.”
Today, in a strikingly similar manner, billionaire investor Warren Buffet has just announced the purchase of the Kim Jong-Il. He stated, “10,000 years from now, New York City’s fruits and vegetable market will still be dominated by Korean green grocers.”
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| word up boricua |
| 2007-06-09 22:29:54 |
tamiki is going to the Puerto Rican day parade tomorrow. All who wish to join him in throwing water on white t-shirt wearing girls are welcome. No lye throwing allowed - it will not get you married to a spicy latina:
Blind to His Faults
She Spurned Him, He Maimed Her, and They Lived Happily Ever After, Sort Of
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/05/AR2007060502824.html
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| Random dating banter |
| 2007-06-08 21:03:41 |
A girl once told me that she studied marketing.
I said, “Really? I do too, I just did a market research project.”
“Oh yea? On what?” she said thinking (correctly) that I just wanted to get into her pants.
“I found out that Gillette will go out of business if there is a worldwide Islamic Revolution,” while scratching my stubble.
Gets a giggle all the time
Also, once, a girl told me she liked art - painting and drawing.
I said, “Me too.”
“Really?”
“Yup… I draw a mean stick figure…”
This is before I discovered the internet, where everyone draws stick figures. I was 8 at the time, and the girl was 5… just kidding.
Feel free to use these jokes if you are a heterosexual male or a lesbian. If lesbian, you can invite me over rather than crediting me.
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| New York’s Bravest? |
| 2007-06-06 16:54:51 |
I think you have to be very insecure to be a firetruck driver, because those horns are great at attracting attention.
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| Sorry |
| 2007-06-05 04:55:59 |
The site isn’t loading properly because there are too many requests for the server to handle. I don’t know why, but I suspect the aliens found my site and think it is funny. Sorry for the trouble - lower class immigrants can’t afford good hosting.
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| Tuberculosis scare |
| 2007-06-03 06:11:28 |
Consider for a moment that the man with tuberculosis who has to wear a mask over his mouth is named Speaker… ironic.
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| Random joke |
| 2007-06-02 20:49:05 |
Paper company executive: So are margins are shrinking… is that a good thing or bad thing?
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| I’m drunk… no time for funny titles |
| 2007-06-02 06:28:14 |
Notice: This mildly funny post is inspired by the real lives of NYC taxi drivers. My father is one. I didn’t proof read it… blah
I am a medical doctor, but you might know me by my official name: the taxi driver whose cab you had sex in with that drunk person you just met in the club… I’m the cab driver that knows the ins and outs of the city. I know how to get around, but I don’t… I’m very faithful to my wife. But let me tell you… I’ve been around the block… on my rickshaw (before marriage of course).
I have a thick accent, and am misunderstood like Mr. T on novacaine - straight from the dentist. While we mention dentists, you should know that I make my own toothpaste. Odd, I know. But so is Bill Cowher handing flowers to his wife with a smile.
People think that I’m good at math, but I’m not. I have to calculate the change on an abacus. It’s true that I’m a medical doctor. I came to this country ......
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| Duh… Pakistanis and Indians know math too |
| 2007-06-01 18:26:36 |
Where do you think the number zero came from?
A chinese food delivery man once tried to rip me off when I got my change. Just because I’m not Chinese, and have no accent doesn’t meant I don’t know math. I’m a math major.
Do I need to wear a cone on my head? Instead of it reading “dunce,” however, it’ll read “one-third pi r-squared h.”
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| What’s this? Corny jokes? Mmmmm… |
| 2007-06-01 15:24:00 |
If you ever get the chance to date a geologist, do it… I hear they are very down to earth.
I once dated a very understanding woman… she was a U.N. translator.
You shouldn’t date children, because they play too many games.
Only date a fencer if you’re not afraid of piercings.
If you like an outgoing person, date a bum.
Always sit across from your date at dinner, or else you’ll never see eye to eye.
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| Some more shit from when I was high |
| 2007-06-01 03:08:57 |
Recently, I got into a fight with a square. When the cops came to break it up, they took his side… because I could handle a triangle…
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| Tamiki, why don’t you write more? |
| 2007-05-31 04:24:08 |
Why am I not writing more? I promise I will, but…
The truth is… I’ve been seeing a therapist… and her husband is pretty upset about that…
Psychologists are interested in people. Once I met an attractive child psychologist… so I told her that I was immature.
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| Ewww… |
| 2007-05-30 14:46:49 |
My mother always puts the toilet paper on backwards. So I do the only logical thing in the bathroom… I eat…
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| Random filler |
| 2007-05-30 08:04:50 |
An odor can saturate your smelling thingys until you can’t smell that odor anymore.
I wonder if that happens to Wolverine from the X-Men, because Beast must lay some nasty farts.
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| Sigh… |
| 2007-05-29 06:32:30 |
The Week magazine is the Walmart of periodicals…
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| So much for having my own humor site |
| 2007-05-29 06:08:21 |
I was behind two women and a man at a dunkin donuts line.
The women were called up to be served when one woman stopped the other, and told her that the man behind them was actually next.
The other woman said, “Oh… okay,” and let the man go ahead.
Instead of telling the girl a corny joke, I happened to say the stupidist thing that came to mind…
“It’s okay, being next on line is overrated anyway.”
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| Oh come on… what is it |
| 2007-05-27 13:06:48 |
My play on words for the word ’shortcoming’ is too graphic for this website…
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| On security |
| 2007-05-27 12:54:10 |
The greater a man tries to hide his insecurities, the more they consume him.
So drink up, and let your gut hang free.
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| Nuts about nuts |
| 2007-05-26 23:10:08 |
There is a street cart vendor in my neighborhood called “Sultan’s Meal.”
Its tagline, printed on the cart, is “Sultan’s Meal… A name you can trust.”
But isn’t the sultan’s meal the most likely to be poisoned?
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| On evolution |
| 2007-05-26 12:59:31 |
The oldest comedy gag in history is a person slipping on a banana peel.
Where did it come from? Only Richard Dawkins knows that answer to that.
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| More posts about decency… |
| 2007-05-26 12:27:11 |
Last night was a quiet Friday night. At 1:30 AM, I stepped outside to throw out a bag of trash. Parked outside the house was a 90s Nissan Maxima - with a body kit.
I saw frantic movement inside. An arm going up and down at 1:30 in the freakin morning. No… no one was waving to me, “Hey, you’re throwing out the trash on a Friday night at 1:30 AM, cool!”
No, it was the hand of a guy in the passenger seat, pressed against the back of a head. He was getting a blow job in front of the whole world. Is this normal behavior?
An Asian couple walked down the street, and I noticed their stride quickened as they approached the car…
I’m just happy it wasn’t me in there… the thought of some jerk’s hand forcing me down on his penis doesn’t bother me… but I can’t stand those freaking pine tree car fresheners…
After a short while, the fast paced action stopped. I heard the door open and thought, “Shit, I shouldn&rsq......
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| You know the Mitch Hedberg ant farm joke… |
| 2007-05-26 07:36:26 |
I once took a tap dancer to Central Park for date, because hello… park dates are free.
We were sitting against a tree, when an ant crawled up her back. Naturally, I volunteered to remove that ant from her back.
Eventually, after fumbling around her bra strap for a few moments, I grabbed the ant.
The girl let out a cry, “Don’t kill it”
So I let the ant go on it’s merry way, after paying it its fee (a cookie crumb).
“Don’t kill it?” A tap dancer is telling me not to kill an ant?
How many 7.9s on the ant colony richter scale has the tippity tap dancer caused in her lifetime… “Don’t kill it…”
Needless to say, it didn’t work out… between me and the ant.
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| You’re a pervert tamiki… and you make corny jokes like the ones below |
| 2007-05-26 07:16:00 |
I like to go to Hawaii with a lawn mower… it let’s the hula dancers in grass skirts know that I mean business.
The grass skirts are the reason there are no cows in Hawaii.
Hawaii is a republican state, because when they make the skirts… they like to remove all the grass roots.
Why yes, Hawaiian women do have bushes… [crude yes… tasteless… no - grass has a taste].
There is a bikini wax, and a Brazillian wax, but what kind of wax job do the Hawaiian’s get?
I also once tried to burn a grass skirt… to get high… that mannequin really got upset.
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| Hope your friends have a sense of humor |
| 2007-05-24 12:07:44 |
Next time you arrive at a party, bring a bag of Oreos and announce your entry by shouting, “Hey, hey, I brought the Uncle Toms…”
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| More corny filler inspired by my math final exams |
| 2007-05-23 06:16:21 |
What did the statistician say to the carpet store owner?
“I’d like to see a small sample please.”
This statistics joke was made on account of tamiki.com having its 30,000th visitor since launching on March 14th, 2007.
That’s normal, I suppose
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