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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 125994 |
| Visitors Out: 2880 |
| Total Visitors Out: 5322 |
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| Burial at Sea |
| 2008-07-23 19:00:20 |
Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.After a while Bubbles says, ‘Do you think we’re out far enough, Barbie?” Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, “Nope, not yet Bubbles.”So they row a little farther…. Again Bubbles asks Barbie, “Do you think we’re out far enough now?”Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, “No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest.”So on they row and row and row, and finally...
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| Historical Sexperts |
| 2008-07-23 15:00:36 |
Have you ever wondered where some of the more bizarre "old wives tales" about sex came from? Like that business about going blind? They came from "experts." Cracked takes a look at 5 Sex Experts Who Made the World a Worse Place (To Do It). And the misinformation hasn't stopped yet....
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| Knights of the Round Table |
| 2008-07-18 14:04:56 |
The song from Monty Python and the Holy Grail featuring the cast of Star Trek.See also: More Star Trek jokes, links, and videos. ...
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| The Geography Test |
| 2008-07-18 11:01:09 |
Some of the better answers: Climate is caused by the emotion of the earth around the sun. The chief animals of Australia are the kangaroo, larkspur, boomerang, and peccadillo. Don Juan is a town in the West Indies. In Athens there is a temple called the Pancreas. The writing of ancient Egypt was called hydraulics. The Greeks wore scandals on their feet. The general direction of the Alps is straight up. The climate is hottest next to the Creator. Oceania is a continent that contains no land. The climate of Bombay is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. The sun never sets on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west. People go to Africa to hunt rhinostriches. The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes. Persia's chief i...
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| Batman Links |
| 2008-07-18 06:03:34 |
The Dark Knight opens today, and the internet has been full of Batman lately. Review of The Dark Knight: Its good. Watch the first five minutes of the movie. It will suck you in. The history of Batman through the years, from 1939, told in pictures. 20 Everyday Items If They Were Designed for Batman. 'Dark Knight' Dogma: Everything We Need To Know We Can Learn From Batman. See, Mom? I knew reading all those comic books as a kid would benefit me in some way. The 10 Mental Illnesses Batman Indisputably Has. (via Gorilla Mask) Maybe Batman needs to tone it down a little. Who should be the next Batman villain? Alternate casting suggestions for Batman movies. Dark Knight Shift: Why B...
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| Broken Leg |
| 2008-07-13 11:04:48 |
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. 'Are you sure?' she asked. 'I'm sure,' I said. 'Isn't there anything I can do for you?' she wanted to know. 'I reckon not' I replied. "Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me wha...
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| Flying Fish |
| 2008-07-08 17:02:37 |
What an experience! Too bad he won't be able to tell all the guys back at the river. (via Bits and Pieces)...
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| Moonwalking Bird |
| 2008-07-08 14:03:43 |
The Manakin does an amazing mating dance. To see it, researchers shot high-speed film and slowed it down for our pleasure. Kimberly Bostwick explains. Read more on manakins and Bostwick's research at PBS. ...
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| 2008 Olympic Team Uniforms |
| 2008-07-08 10:25:15 |
Athletes traveling to Beijing for the Olympics next month will be equipped with uniforms for every occasion. Besides specifically designed sport uniforms, most will also have clothing to represent their nation as a unified team. These formal and/or leisure uniforms are used for official functions, press conferences, and the opening (formal) and closing (leisure) ceremonies. The Canadian uniforms are stirring things up. They've been called pajamas, clown suits, loud, and just plain ugly. And there's some snark about the fact that they are manufactured in China. The USA's leisure uniforms for the closing ceremonies are preppy city, but the formal uniforms for the opening ceremony won't be seen til August 8th, when the Summer Games open in Beijing. See t...
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| The Pond |
| 2008-07-03 11:08:47 |
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely: picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come do...
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| Uncle Sam x 10 |
| 2008-07-03 10:46:42 |
Uncle Sam is a great big uncle. And he's everywhere! There's something about the character that's larger than life even before you built him ten, twenty, even forty feet tall. See ten mega-sized versions of Uncle Sam from all over at mental_floss. Disclaimer: I wrote this. ...
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| Stuck Pig |
| 2008-06-28 08:15:05 |
You seem to have a bit of pork stuck between your teeth. Have some dental floss! This ad from Saatchi and Saatchi showed up in New York City. (via Unique Daily) Holy cow, it was hard for me to type dental floss instead of mental floss! ...
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| OH NOOOOO! |
| 2008-06-22 17:42:38 |
My computer suffered a fatal seizure Saturday. I am ordering a new one to replace it, but I won't be online for a couple of days. Meanwhile, check out the archives, or any of the sites on my blogroll. Or check out the even more extensive blogroll at Miss C Recommends.
Normal programming will resume when possible. We regret any inconvenience....
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| Owl Threat Response |
| 2008-06-16 14:36:34 |
One owl has a repertoire of responses to different threats. He can make himself big, make himself small, or just ignore the enemy. Although he was in no real danger, I felt sorry for the little guy. (via Everlasting Blort) ...
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| Anteater Drinking Wine |
| 2008-06-12 12:20:10 |
It’s sparking cran-apple juice. He’s not likely to get sloshed. From Tamandua Girl. Read more about her anteaters at Anteater Entertainment. (via Arbroath) ...
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| Heart Condition |
| 2008-06-12 11:11:54 |
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, was shocked when the woman's doctor said she had a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She had to avoid stress, eat right, and never have sex again, or the strain might kill her. They reluctantly tried to live by those rules but, over time, both got really horny, so the husband decided to sleep on the downstairs couch to prevent temptation. For a few weeks, this arrangement worked; until one night, about 1 a.m., when they met each other on the stairs -- she coming down, he heading up. "Honey, I have to confess," she said, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "Glad to hear that, sweetie," he answered, "because I was just coming up to kill you!" (Thanks R...
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| Southern Ingenuity, French Style |
| 2008-06-08 00:28:43 |
I confess, this is a solution to a flat tire (or nonworking wheel) that I never considered before. Maybe it will work long enough for this guy to get to the garage. (via Unique Daily) ...
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| Dr. McCoy |
| 2008-06-07 23:25:13 |
He’s Dead, Jim. (via Milk and Cookies) McCoy: "I've borrowed Mr. Scott's bagpipes." Kirk: "But you can't play them." McCoy: "While I've got them, neither can he!" McCoy: "Do you serve crabs here?" Mess officer: "We serve anybody. Sit down." Dr. McCoy finished his examination of Scotty and shook his head. McCoy: Scotty, I can't find any reason for your stomach pains. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking. Scotty: In that case, Leonard, I'll come back when you're sober. I’m a Doctor Star Trek Enterprise Bones Dr. McCoy ...
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| Cubicle Rage |
| 2008-06-03 23:48:42 |
This is insane. But some jobs will drive you crazy. Security cameras catch the whole sordid thing, unfortunately without audio. ...
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| Chick Flicks |
| 2008-06-03 23:08:59 |
When it comes to chick flicks, it’s not the happy endings we remember the best. My favorites have always ended sadly: Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, West Side Story, Love Story, The Way We Were, Sommersby, Steel Magnolias, Titanic... well, I never saw Titanic, but I know how it ends. I was there in history class. Compared to these, romantic comedies all start to look the same. Sex and the City was the big movie release last weekend, and so far there has been more press about it than actual ticket sales. I’m not familiar with the show, since I don’t have HBO, but from reading the ‘net this last week, you’d think I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t know all about it. From what I’ve heard, it’s no Casablanca. Sex and th...
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| Deer Hunt Damage |
| 2008-06-03 19:54:48 |
A deer hunter was out enjoying a nice day out in the woods when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buck shot." "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive damage done to your manly part I'm going to have to refer you to my brother.&...
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| I Will Survive |
| 2008-06-03 16:32:25 |
Gloria Gaynor's 1978 song "I Will Survive" won the only Grammy ever given for Best Disco Performance. Thirty years later, it's one of those songs that everyone knows. It's catchy, the lyrics are simple and still relevant, and it's got a great beat. So it lends itself well to tributes, parodies, and remakes. Enjoy ten of them at YesButNoButYes. ...
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| Elders |
| 2008-05-29 23:42:41 |
I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last weekend and enjoyed it. There’s been a hue and cry from the 30-something internet geeks about “implausibility” (as if the other films were plausible) but I think it’s mostly a “don’t mess with my childhood icons” reaction. My kids were shocked that Indy was so old, but they weren’t expecting it. They’d only seen the first three films in the last couple of years! Personally, I was happy to see Harrison Ford gray and wrinkly and still sexy as hell. (OK, you young folks can all say “ewww” right now and get it over with.) But the best part? WARNING: SPOILER AHEAD. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW, SKIP TO THE VIDEO. OK, it’s this. Indy gets married. And not ...
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| Gas Pains |
| 2008-05-28 23:01:00 |
It occurred to me the other day that back when I first started driving, I could earn enough to fill my tank by working one hour at my minimum-wage job. Now I make way more than minimum wage (which has also risen), and it takes me about five hours of work to fill my gas tank. Granted, I have a bigger gas tank now in the Mamamobile, but that because I'm supporting a family. I also figured I am driving a LOT less now than when I was a teenager running the roads just to see where they went. Now I'm going to get all sentimotional about those days... (sniff) Excuse me, I'm feeling somewhat verklempt. Take a moment and read these jokes, and I'll try to pull myself together. (update: in the two years since this was written, gas prices have soared. Now it takes ten hours of minimum wage work to fi...
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| Arithmetic |
| 2008-05-27 23:07:52 |
In an earlier math post, I wrote about Princess’ struggle with arithmetic, and how it was a pure pain to get through her homework. Sometime in the last few months, the light has dawned on her. Maybe it was the dreaded fractions. However it happened, something just clicked in her and she could see the patterns in numbers, how math fits together in a unified system. Since then, it’s become her favorite subject! Her friend respond with “Ew,” as you’d expect, but a kid’s favorite subject is usually the one they do well in. Before, math was incomprehensible, but at least she served as a counterexample of the Asian stereotype. Now she serves as a case study that Asians who are good at math are not always that way because their parents make them work at it ...
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| James Bond |
| 2008-05-26 23:09:40 |
James Bond is the guy every man wants to be, and every woman wants to meet. He’s got it all: seemingly unlimited wealth, a perfect appearance, exquisite taste, a different woman every time he turns around, amazing adventures, the latest gadgets, and a license to kill. And he gets to save the world time and time again. There have been 21 official Bond films in the EON Productions series, plus two independent features. Ian Fleming created the character in 1953 and featured him in 12 books and 2 collections. Other writers have carried on with Bond stories after Fleming’s death in 1964. This post is in honor of the 100th anniversary of the birth of Ian Fleming tomorrow. Many events are scheduled for the centenary. A new Bond book, Devil May C...
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| Dentist |
| 2008-05-24 23:05:00 |
I have what some call "East Kentucky Chalk Teeth". When your teeth are hereditarily built this way, you can brush six times a day, floss, avoid sweets, use fluoride, and see a dentist regularly, and they will still fall apart. So I have extensive dental work collected over quite a few decades. I technically have all my teeth, but every one is filled, repaired, capped, or crowned in some manner. When I moved back to Kentucky after many years away, I tried more than one dentist. They all had the same technique. "You have a cavity. Ya want me to pull that tooth?" I was shocked, but most folks here would just have the tooth pulled. Its much cheaper than repairing it. My current dentist has my loyalty because 1) he wants to try and save ea...
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| May 24 Links, 2008 |
| 2008-05-23 23:04:54 |
Memorial Day weekend is here. This holiday suffers from extreme purpose creep. It is meant to be a day set aside to remember those who died in military service to our country. Somehow over the years, it also came to be a day to honor all veterans (which is what Veterans day is for). It also came to be a day to decorate all graves, no matter whose they are, at least around where I live. This has taken on sort of a fashion show feel for cemeteries. Memorial Day is also the traditional start of the summer vacation season. And then there’s the Indianapolis 500. That’s all fine and good, but sometime this weekend, please stop and give a bit of remembrance and honor to those who gave the last full measure for their nation and fellow man. Pork and Bean...
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| Clocks |
| 2008-05-22 23:21:33 |
Mom told me my first word was “clock”. Not "mama", not "daddy", but "clock". Weird. She said I had a favorite clock that I was kind of attached to. I even took it apart, after which it never worked again. I don’t recall any of that, of course, but as an adult I learned the value of clocks, and the value of being able to estimate time without one. Such talent comes in real handy in broadcasting. My kids aren’t so time-conscious. One doesn’t quite get analog time, even though most of our clocks have old-fashioned dials. If I say it’s 15 til, she doesn’t know what that means. If I say it’s 7:45, she knows she’d better hurry to get to school. Sigh. The Fly and the Cuckoo Clock...
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| Cup of Coffee |
| 2008-05-19 23:02:13 |
When I get ready for bed, I may be so tired I don’t bother straightening up the bed. I may leave my clothes on the floor. I might even skip feeding the cats (which is a mistake), but I never go to bed without loading the coffee machine for morning. I have a lovely coffee dispenser, the kind that only takes one hand to fill a cup. It doesn’t have a timer, so I reach over and turn it on before I get out of bed -sometimes even before I turn the alarm off! This coffee maker doesn’t have a carafe, so I fill a detachable bucket with water to prepare it. This bucket will not fit in my bathroom sink, so instead of taking it all the way to the kitchen to fill (remember, its late and I’m tired), I fill it in the shower. Yeah, I have to...
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| Graduation |
| 2008-05-18 23:19:06 |
Driving through my old neighborhood today, I saw a banner at Rhonda’s house that said “Congratulations!” and had a picture of a mortarboard. Hmmm, that couldn’t be Jason, I heard he’s driving a truck. Oh no, it’s Johnny! No, that couldn’t be, Johnny was a toddler last time I saw him! That was only... um, 15 years ago. Oh my, time flies the fastest when you’re watching kids grow up. Or when you don’t. I can’t imagine Johnny as an adult. But that’s what graduation is, a step into adulthood. I was 17 when I graduated from high school, 20 at college graduation, but it took me a few more years to “feel” like an adult. No matter that I was working and getting married and all...
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| Crop Circles |
| 2008-05-17 23:01:00 |
Don't you just love crop circles? The last couple of years we've seen some really imaginative ones... and some that make you just scratch your head and wonder what they were thinking. The stories we used to hear as kids were that aliens made crop circles as messages to spaceships flying above earth. I'm not even going to entertain those thoughts, because the real story is WAY more fascinating. Crop circles are an art form. Those who make them are artists. The medium is a bit weird, and viewing can be tough. The creation of such art is often illegal. Those who do it are dedicated, persistant, and serious as all get out. Read a bit about them at the Crop Circle Makers website. See some examples of their work. And read the story of the Circle Makers. Today, des...
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| May 17 Links 2008 |
| 2008-05-16 23:08:25 |
A curious phenomena this week: all the sudden I’m getting tons of emails from PR folks wanting to send me free samples of this and that. It’s happened a few times before, but few and far between. And they aren’t writing me because of Neatorama or mental_floss, they are wanting me to mention their product here at Miss Cellania! I don’t really understand, since I don’t have much traffic, and certainly no more than I did last year. Still, although I’ve done it before, I’m not going to make a habit of mentioning products for a little free swag. I got plenty of that in radio without having to do anything! Here, I sell advertising. If you want something on this site, it will either be entertaining enough to qualify as content, or else you’ll ...
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| Dog Jokes |
| 2008-05-15 23:08:07 |
You’re not going to beat a dog for utter loyalty and devotion. You’re not going to beat a dog in any way, because beating dogs is just wrong. Dogs are pack animals and are always happiest when they know their place in the hierarchy. Once that’s figured out, they will give their all happily to please the alpha dog -which is you, if you own the dog. It doesn’t matter that you are ugly, broke, obnoxious, or smelly, you are still the alpha and that’s all that matters. Just seeing you makes a dog’s day, and pleasing you makes them feel on top of the world. It’s not the way I’d want to live my life, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but that’s just the way a dog’s world is. The least we can do is treat them right. They dese...
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| Just Desserts |
| 2008-05-14 23:09:00 |
About a year ago, two events conspired to change my life. I gave up on men, and I became a professional blogger. Blogging doesn't pay much, so I find myself working three jobs and putting in ridiculous hours sitting at the computer. There's not much keeping me away from the caramels and chocolates in my desk drawer... after all, everyone's got to have a little joy in their lives! As a consequence, I have become incredibly fat. I keep telling myself "this is temporary, I can lose this weight". Sure I can, all it takes is MORE self-denial MORE sacrifice, MORE willpower. Reminds me of the old joke where the man asks the doctor how long can he expect to live. The doctor asks, "Do you eat healthy food, avoid smoking, drinking, and wild sex, go to bed at a decent time, and exerci...
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| Robotics |
| 2008-05-13 23:39:25 |
See the robot to the left? That’s the Neatoramabot! I’ve been collecting links on robots for some time, but couldn’t decide on a title picture until this guy made his debut. The Neatorama Store is now open, where you can get t-shirts with the Neatoramabot and the Neatoramanaut (designed by Apelad) on them, plus designs from other artists and t-shirts with internet memes. There are soem pretty cool designs. When you’re finished shopping, come back and enjoy some robot jokes, links, and videos right here. I’ll wait. MST3K Robot Rumpus (via Ectoplasmosis) Robot Dance, featuring Princess, Gothgrrl, and me. I parked this elsewhere due to the autoplay music. Robots that will make you laugh. Trea...
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| Dead Bodies |
| 2008-05-11 23:06:48 |
The latest news story about death is about environmentally-friendly corpse disposal. No need to bury someone and lock up land use. No need to cremate and fill the air with smoke and noxious fumes. You can just dissolve the remains with lye! The process is called alkaline hydrolysis, and it’s not yet offered at funeral homes, but may be someday soon. It will at least save money on cemetery plots and tombstones. I just don’t see people requesting this much... at least for themselves. Still, when you check out the collection of “restless corpse” links just ahead, having your body dissolved might not seem like such a bad idea. Wake Gone Wrong The Internet Commenters at a Funeral. ...
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| Fly Me! |
| 2008-05-10 23:03:00 |
I'm not afraid of flying, I just don't much like it. It just seems like a monumental hassle, and not too comfortable either (at least in coach). You have to book tickets way ahead of time, and shop around a lot just to get a decent fare. Then you have to get there way too early, undergo weird security checks, and pay $6 for a lousy cup of coffee. They squeeze you into a space built for the size Americans were 35 years ago (on a plane thats at least that old). Once upon a time, you'd get a horrible meal served, with alcohol to make it seem better. Now, you are lucky to get peanuts and a soda pop. But I don't drink the soda if its a short flight, because I've been on too many flights with inadequate water for the bathrooms. But I can handle it. After that one 16-hour nonstop in coach with a...
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| May 10 Links 2008 |
| 2008-05-09 23:27:33 |
I read about a site where you can post your picture and see how other people judge you accordingly. And of course you can judge other people by their picture. It’s called FaceStat and I decided to try it out. I upoaded the profile picture I use most often. You can see the results here. Users think I am about 37 years old, politically conservative, married, probably trustworthy, and bright. They don’t know me very well! My looks are “not bad”. I might score better there if they had any idea how wrong they are about my age. At least one described me as a “hag” and said I have “ugly glasses.” Bite me. The lesson is, you can’t judge people by their looks. If you decide to try it out, let me know so I can follow the misconceptions about ...
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