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| U Suxxors |
| USuxxors covers random news from around the internet, mainly dealing with tech, gaming, or whacky subjects involving the two. Bonus rants about life on the side. Horribly drawn pokey haired characters for desserts. |
| Language: English |
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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 352 |
| Visitors Out: 2637 |
| Total Visitors Out: 2637 |
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| Ron Paul Speaks To Supporters In Attempt To Quell Chaos |
| 2008-02-13 11:22:29 |
I’m not sure if this will even work. It seems as though they’re too far gone, beyond the realm of even understanding words and sentences. But the mayhem needs to stop, and as I feel I’m somewhat responsible for it, I’m going to do my best to put an end to it before [...]...
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| Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan Get Into Fight At Grammys Party |
| 2008-02-12 13:57:43 |
The Grammys were largely boring and atrocious, with Amy Winehouse winning three awards thanks to the appropriately named song Rehab and a taped performance that failed to entertain because it wasn’t live and didn’t feature Winehouse melting down on stage in dramatic fashion. USuxxors.com considered covering the event live, but we were too busy [...]...
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| Dolly Parton To Donate Breasts To Fans |
| 2008-02-11 11:42:22 |
Country music legend and actress Dolly Parton will be donating her famous bosom to various fan conventions over the next month as a thank you to fans, but also as a thank you to the pair itself.
My breasts have truly served me well. They’ve supported me throughout the years and have always been the [...]...
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| Kirstie Alley Eats Cheeseburger - Hollywood Reacts |
| 2008-02-08 12:56:12 |
In breaking news from last night, Kirstie Alley was spotted last night eating a cheeseburger from a corner diner by a slew of X-17 and TMZ photographers, who blocked traffic for five minutes while snapping away photographs of the Scientologist actress. One photographer was killed when he squatted in front of a moving car [...]...
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| Super Tuesday - The Aftermath |
| 2008-02-06 11:37:46 |
The giant battle between six politicians and their armies of campaign staffers and devoted, obsessed followers ended sometime early Wednesday morning when everyone feel asleep after a completely uninteresting Super Tuesday. The only action came from scattered groups of Ron Paul supporters who continued their animalistic frenzy, slaying and oftentimes devouring supporters of other [...]...
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| Today Is Super Tuesday~! |
| 2008-02-05 10:24:22 |
As the country prepares itself for the long and arduous process of electing someone to run for president in 24 different states today, mass hysteria grips the country. Six politicians fight for survival. Supporters wage war against each other. Bill Clinton eyes up Dennis Kucinich’s really hot wife, threatening to take her [...]...
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| Fat Joe Offended After Being Called Fat |
| 2008-02-04 11:32:42 |
The rap industry is in red alert mode as Fat Joe has beef, and for once it’s not attached to a hamburger bun topped with cheese and 20 pounds of grease. Fat Joe is on the warpath after fellow rapper 50 Cent referred to the hefty hip hopper as fat.
Yes, even U Suxxors is [...]...
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| FCC Sues ABC After Bare Butt Cheeks Cause Death & Rioting |
| 2008-01-28 12:59:42 |
ABC was hit by a lawsuit today for millions of dollars from the Federal Communications Commission after claims that five year old footage of Dennis Franz’ naked ass caused a sudden weekend surge of violent deaths, suicides, rioting, excessive sexual activity, pick pocketing, pedophilia, and bestiality.
“We can’t have that,” said FCC chairman Kevin Martin.
The suit [...]...
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| Lou Dobbs Invades Mexico |
| 2008-01-23 10:56:31 |
Mexico was nearly the site of a bloody battle yesterday when CNN talking head Lou Dobbs parachuted into the country just a few feet away from the border crossing armed to the teeth with ammo, weapons, and two samurai swords strapped to his back. Standing slightly sideways at all times while looking straight [...]...
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| Mitt Romney Nip Slip At Rally |
| 2008-01-16 13:46:01 |
Mitt Romney may have won Michigan yesterday, but it’s what he may have left behind in the wake of his victory that has people talking throughout the country today.
“Romney was getting fired up during a rally early yesterday, and he’s getting fired up and he’s got his shirt untucked and he’s sweating. It was [...]...
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| Zac Efron Has Appendix, Rest Of Manhood Removed |
| 2008-01-16 13:04:31 |
High School Musical star Zac Efron was rushed to the hospital the other day to have his appendix removed after collapsing in pain the other day at his home. While there, we are told that Efron had some additional minor surgery.
“He told us while under medication that we should just remove the remaining pieces [...]...
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| 20 Killed In Store Following Britney Spears Strip |
| 2008-01-16 12:23:03 |
A horrific scene unfolded before stunned onlookers yesterday in Sherman Oaks, CA after Britney Spears stripped naked in a Betsey Johnson store. Bodies were lying everywhere, their faces twisted in a frozen look of sheer fright. 17 were confirmed dead before midnight yesterday as rescue workers poured through the wreckage. Three more [...]...
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| Pete Wentz Caught Wearing Ashlee Simpson’s Bikini |
| 2008-01-15 15:15:59 |
A few days ago The Sun went to press with a story that Pete Wentz would become upset whenever Simpson">Ashlee Simpson would wear revealing clothing. The article states that Wentz enjoys sewing Ashlee Simpson’s clothes to close up any holes that might show something naughty, like uh, skin we guess. Turns out that [...]...
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| Naomi Campbell & Hugo Chavez Totally Doing It |
| 2008-01-15 14:18:33 |
Word out of Venezuela today via carrier pigeon is that Naomi Campbell and Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez are dating. The relationship started a couple months ago when Campbell decided to travel to the country to interview him. For whom, we don’t know. We assume it was for a fashion magazine, which … [...]...
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| Britney Spears Fails To Get Kids Back, Eats Chicken |
| 2008-01-15 13:19:34 |
Britney Spears has lost custody of her kids until February after failing to appear in court yesterday for a scheduled hearing. Many expected this outcome, as Spears can never seem to make an appearance in front of a judge for whatever reason. This time, the reason may have been the lack of signs [...]...
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| Pamela Anderson & Rick Salomon Are Getting Married Again |
| 2008-01-15 12:39:40 |
It’s been a long hard road with many winding and twisting turns, but Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon are expected to get married again for the 63rd time this coming weekend in a quiet ceremony in Las Vegas.
“I’m so happy,” Pamela told You Guys Weekly in a recent interview. “I hope it’s just like [...]...
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| 50 Cent, Tyler Perry, Mary J Blige On Steroids |
| 2008-01-14 13:57:56 |
Some of the biggest names in the music and entertainment industry are seeing their names in the spotlight for a different reason today. Tyler Perry, Wyclef Jean, and surprisingly Mary J Blige are just some of the names coming up in a recent steroid trafficking investigation out of Albany, New York. 50 Cent’s [...]...
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| Ron Paul Supporters Rioting In New Hampshire |
| 2008-01-14 12:52:38 |
Ron Paul supporters have been in an uproar since last Tuesday when a Hampshire">New Hampshire clerk mistakenly reported that the unlikely presidential candidate had received zero votes instead of the 31 he actually acquired in that particular district. The woman reports that her and her colleagues have been harassed by Ron Paulians ever since, [...]...
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| Breaking News - Barack Obama Is Black |
| 2008-01-14 12:14:50 |
The country is in a state of shock today after hearing the news that Barack Obama is a black man. The news was broken earlier today by MSNBC anchors Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, who talked for three hours about the presidential candidate’s skin color and how it could immediately impact the race to [...]...
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| Britney Spears Absolutely Must Appear In Court Today |
| 2008-01-14 09:43:32 |
Britney Spears has to show up in court today. It’s like, a necessity if she wants to get her kids back. If she doesn’t, she’s not getting them back. To make it even more interesting, the county sheriff says he won’t be providing her any help whatsoever in terms of getting inside [...]...
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| OJ Simpson Has His Bail Revoked |
| 2008-01-11 14:23:17 |
Breaking news this hour as OJ Simpson has seen his bail revoked after meeting with witnesses involved in his Las Vegas court case. Whether or not this has to do with another sting operation, his on-going hunt for his ex wife Nicole Brown Simpson’s killer, or the validity of his comments about Dos Equis [...]...
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| President Wants To Bomb Auschwitz |
| 2008-01-11 13:56:13 |
President George W Bush made a stop today at Israel’s Holocaust memorial while on his week long tour to try and build a peace plan in the Middle East. Shedding some tears, he was heard telling Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice that the US “should have bombed Auschwitz” to put an end to the [...]...
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| Lucy Liu Likes To Collect Crap |
| 2008-01-11 11:53:50 |
No, not crap crap. That would be disgusting.
The big story today is that actress Lucy Liu likes to carry a wooden box around with her and place random objects inside to keep / look at / pray to / eat.
“So far today I’ve picked up a pez dispenser, a wooden stick, and John McCain’s [...]...
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| Nude Pictures of Pop Star Princess Being Shopped Around |
| 2008-01-10 10:45:30 |
Britney Spears nude pictures are up for grabs to whoever wants to lay a bid down on them, but no one’s biting. In fact, they’ve barricaded themselves inside their offices behind boarded up windows and doors held tightly in place by nails.
“Keep those things away from me!” one gentleman was heard exclaiming while shut [...]...
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| USuxxors Interviews Penelope Cruz |
| 2008-01-09 15:40:12 |
Jack Note:Yesterday was a historic day for U Suxxors as we landed our first ever interview with a celebrity in actress Penelope Cruz. After some blackmailing negotiation, Cruz agreed and sat down with U Suxxors fashion correspondent and celebrity writer Gal Val in a Los Angelos McDonalds. Enjoy!
Gal Val: Hello readers of U [...]...
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| Perez Hilton Forces My Eyes To Commit Suicide |
| 2008-01-02 13:53:41 |
I actually wasn’t going to do today’s feature on Perez Hilton on New Years Eve and the getup he wore but I’m forced to. I fear a David Gest as Liza Minelli moment may occur and my goal this holiday season is to not have to rake my own peepers out at some point. [...]...
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| Lindsay Lohan Makes Out With Three Men On New Years Eve |
| 2008-01-02 11:34:48 |
There’s like a foot of snow outside my house this morning. The weather channel said 3-5 inches. I demand LAYOFFS and FIRINGS.
I was wrong about News Years Eve in Hollywood, sorta. Turns out something scandalous did occur. Remotely scandalous anyway. Lindsay Lohan made out with three men in one night [...]...
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| Penelope Cruz And Sister Make Out For Brother |
| 2008-01-02 10:59:11 |
There are few headlines I ever figure I’m going to have to write. Actually, take that back. I could totally see doing the above headline sometime down the road with it reading “Britney Spears and Sister Make Out For Brother” in an incident that’s totally not for a music video. I just [...]...
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| WTF Is Fergalicious? |
| 2008-01-02 10:40:18 |
I’m not a huge Black Eyed Peas fan. Sorry. They had a couple songs that were played ad nauseum on TV over the years and I couldn’t avoid them. It might’ve been the start of my mental unbalancing come to think of it, the trigger that’s led me to stoop so low [...]...
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| Pamela Anderson Looking Not So Pure At Pure’s |
| 2008-01-01 15:28:22 |
As many of you may remember, I helped saved Pamela Anderson’s marriage a couple weeks ago and Pamela took the time to send me a thank you card not long afterward. I was touched, but I want you to know that the following fashion spotlight won’t be biased in any way shape or form.
Hot [...]...
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| New Years Eve In Hollywood = Boring As Hell |
| 2008-01-01 14:48:19 |
I don’t know what I was expecting for New Years eve when I started actually paying attention to celebrities to pen this here blog on absurdities and bullshit. They’re celebrities. You expect scandals, cat fights, mid-party divorce proceedings, liaisons in a dark corner of a club somewhere with paparazzi cameras trying desperately to [...]...
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| Another A Shot At Love 2 - The Sequel |
| 2008-01-01 12:11:12 |
Tila Tequila, who has a hell of a name but is also an MTV reality show darling which puts her below even being a VH1 reality show darling, is coming out with a sequel for her I guess successful reality show A Shot At Love. Apparently, some guy one the first one, then dumped [...]...
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| ESPN Anchor Refers To Penis As “Lil Sean” |
| 2008-01-01 11:37:52 |
Another Lil. Maybe he’s the father of Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby.
There’s this book coming out recently penned by one Will Leitch, the founding editor of Gawker sports blog Deadspin, who I guess used to be a contributer to ESPN until the sports news giant cut ties with him back in 2006. I read [...]...
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| Jamie Lynn Spears - Annoys Me With Multiple Mates |
| 2008-01-01 10:42:08 |
I’m starting the New Year off with some bitching this morning about Jamie Lynn Spears because A: I figure it’ll set the tone for the next 365 days and B: I’m seriously confused by other celebrity sites right now. One blog says that Casey Aldridge is the father. Another site says that Jamie [...]...
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| Sting Caught Sucking Wife’s Toes |
| 2007-12-31 16:12:31 |
It’s almost the end of the year and I probably should come up with some spectacular post to end the year with here at U Suxxors. Unfortunately, nothing is really going on. Paris Hilton got around last night, partying with K-Fed who is one of the 50 most influential people in the world~! [...]...
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| OMG Jamie Spears Is Pregnant What Really Golly Gee! |
| 2007-12-19 12:34:32 |
MSNBC is off today because they’re running this horribly annoying suicide bomber commercial targeted to kids that they’re so shocked and appalled by that they can’t help but run it seemingly every 10 minutes. That, and if I hear about Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant one more time I’m going back to bed. [...]...
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| A Tip For Staying Safe This Holiday Season |
| 2007-12-19 11:15:52 |
Hello, I’m Contessa Brewer. It’s a little known fact that walking off of a cliff from a great height can kill you. A recent and growing epidemic, dangerous cliffs have been emerging from nowhere at a startling rate this year. More than 95% of people who fall off of cliffs higher than [...]...
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| Amy Winehouse Arrested, Released |
| 2007-12-18 16:25:17 |
Winehouse">Amy Winehouse has been arrested for possibly perverting the course of justice. Honestly, I stopped listening right there when I heard about this because if there’s three words I don’t want to see in the same sentence it’s Amy, Winehouse, and perverting. Yesterday I had read somewhere or other that she was being [...]...
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| Phone Calls, Lumps Of Something, And Breaking News |
| 2007-12-18 15:41:45 |
I hate when I’m working, and someone calls me and I’m on the phone for an hour. It kills my mood to work. It makes me sleepier and lazier than I already am. It grinds all of my functioning intellectual processes to a halt, leaving me a lump of something. That [...]...
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