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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 813 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 8832017 |
| Visitors Out: 3725 |
| Total Visitors Out: 3725 |
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| Funny Adult Jokes-Get a Man |
| 2008-05-06 02:15:00 |
Sally was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large birdcage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had never seen Sally looking so sad.Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?"Sally replied, "Because I just can't get a man."Liz said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods.""Don't be so silly, Sally said, "I know that. I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking about."Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage.""So, how's that gonna help you get a man?" asked Liz.Sally said, "Well, I hear...
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| Really funny jokes-A Walking Economy |
| 2008-05-05 02:06:00 |
This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "You know, Benny's a walking economy."His friend replies, "How so?""His hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting him into a deep depression." ...
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| Adult jokes-Unzip |
| 2008-05-04 23:13:49 |
This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus.A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors.She tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little. She tried to step up onto the steps again.But it was still to tight. She reached back and unzipped some more. Tried to step up again and the skirt was still to tight. She tried one more time.She reached back and unzipped some more. And she still couldn,t get up onto the bus. So this man behind her reaches and grabs her by the butt.He gives her a boost onto the bus. She turns around and slaps him and saying "What do you think you are doing."The man says "Well lady after you unzipped my pants for the third time I thought we were aquainted."...
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| Humor jokes-Old Farmers |
| 2008-05-04 23:12:57 |
Two old farmers had hauled a truck load of squirming hogs eighty miles from their west Kansas farm to the nearest market. The old truck had overheated twice; the hogs were keeping the truck rocking, even when it was stopped, and the hot summer Kansas wind was drying them out fast.Within three miles of the market, they passed a tavern and pulled in for a couple of draft beers. The place was dimly lit and air conditioned.After about 20 minutes, one says to the other, "It's going to be really hard to get up, but I reckon we ought to."About that time, a quite obvious prostitute walks up to the bar, works her way in between them, and says, "You guys look about ready for action. I'll do anything you want me to do for $60."The old farmer pulls three $20 bills ou...
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| Adult funny jokes-Cautious old lady |
| 2008-05-03 03:05:01 |
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bu...
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| Really Really funny jokes-Bet with Blonde |
| 2008-05-03 03:01:00 |
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.The 10:00 PM news was coming on..The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'Bob replied, 'I can 't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM News and so I knew he would jump.'The blonde rep...
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| Humor jokes-Bee inconspicuous |
| 2008-05-02 03:37:49 |
Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how things were going."Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey.""No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit.""Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away.A few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?""Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be.""Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee."That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp." ...
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| Really funny jokes-Preacher's baby |
| 2008-05-02 03:28:49 |
There was a preacher who's wife was having a baby, so he went to his congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever a preacher's family expanded, so would his pay check.After 6 children this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children would cost the church. Finally the preacher got up and spoke tothe crowd,"Children are a gift from God, he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In a back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said." rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much ofit, we wear rubbers, and the congregation said, "Ame...
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| Adult jokes-Nurse Nancy |
| 2008-05-02 00:18:34 |
Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says.''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he almost died!''''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, "earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!''All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the hallway.''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''...
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| Blonde jokes-Reckon Mom is a Blonde? |
| 2008-04-30 10:22:25 |
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened."Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom.""Melvin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the convenience store."...
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| Really funny jokes-Blonde humor |
| 2008-04-29 23:32:30 |
One day, a blond and her male co-worker are sitting in the lunch room, and the guy says, "I can't take anymore today, I am going home!" The blond replies, "You can't just get up and leave. You'll be fired!". "Not to worry, I am going to be sent home. I have an idea." the guy says and leaves the room.The blond finishes her lunch and heads back into work, to see her co-worker hanging upside down from the ceiling, yelling over and over, "I'm a lightbulb!". The owner hears this and comes down. He takes one look at the guy, hanging upside down, yelling he is a lightbulb, and sends him home for the rest of the day, with pay, so he can rest, because he has obviously been working to hard.The guy gets down off the ceiling, thanks the owner and leaves.The blond turns around and starts to leave. ...
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| Really funny jokes-Skinny Dippers |
| 2008-04-28 23:55:18 |
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"The old man fro...
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| Adult jokes-Priceless |
| 2008-04-28 23:53:21 |
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"To which she replied, "I'm late for work."Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.""And just what the hell do you do with a 6 fo...
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| Really funny jokes-Good Investment |
| 2008-04-27 23:37:11 |
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you w...
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| Adult funny jokes-Riddle |
| 2008-04-27 23:35:43 |
Here is a riddle for the true intellectual. Try to come up with the answer on your own. The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think this one through.Here's the riddle:At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on oppositesides of the earth:1. One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.2. The other is getting a blow job from an 85-year-old toothless woman.They are both thinking the exact same thing. What are they both thinking?Don't look down....
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| Adult jokes-The BEST put-down line ever |
| 2008-04-25 22:58:30 |
For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! It is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.FEMALE INTERVIEWER:So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?GENERAL COSGROVE:We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.FEMALE INTERVIEWER:Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?GENERAL COSGROVE:I don'...
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| Kids jokes-Alike |
| 2008-04-25 22:55:58 |
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?""You're both old," he replied....
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| Really funny jokes-Date |
| 2008-04-25 22:54:40 |
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and hot chocolate and resigned herself to an evening of TV.No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door bell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late and you're still not ready!?"...
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| Blonde jokes-Pilot dead |
| 2008-04-25 00:10:24 |
A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, Madam. I'll talk you down; just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position.""I'm 5"2' and sitting in the front." ...
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| Funny adult jokes-Two Friends |
| 2008-04-25 00:09:23 |
Two friends decided to join a nudist club. One was 6 1/2 feet tall, and the other was 5 1/2 feet tall.But they were soon asked to leave the club as one was always sticking his nose in other peoples business and the other was always sticking his business in other peoples noses !...
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| Adult jokes-Blind Man |
| 2008-04-23 23:44:39 |
A mother of two 16 year old blonde daughters had just bought a new house in a new town. So they were buying paint, shades and all that you would need for a new place.The mother left the house to go shopping. She told the girls that she wanted them to paint the family room but, NOT get any paint on their clothes.After the mother left the two daughters decided that they should just take off all their clothes to obey their mother. So there they were painting naked when they heard a knock at the door.So they both went to the door and said "Who is it?"The reply was " The blind man."So the two blondes thought ... He's blind, so he won't be able to see us naked. They let him in.The man said "Nice tits lady, now where do you want the blinds?...
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| Really funny jokes-Airlines |
| 2008-04-23 23:43:13 |
At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank You for participating in the Airlinr's physical fitness program." ...
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| Short humor jokes-Feeding |
| 2008-04-23 23:39:55 |
An elephant is walking through the jungle when he comes across a naked man standing in a clearing.The elephant slowly looks the man up an down and says, "How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?"...
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| Adult funny jokes-Hobby |
| 2008-04-22 23:56:21 |
Upon reaching 65, old Gary decided to retire.After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him.She suggested he goes and does something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.Old Gary obliged and went out for a couple of hours.When he got home Pat asked about his day and he replied,"Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club.""What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes again?""Yeah, look I even got a membership card.""Old man!!!!!, you need glasses! This is a membership in a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!""Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps a week!"...
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| Really funny jokes-Merits of a mistress |
| 2008-04-22 23:55:06 |
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tellsof the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife. And I can spend all night on the computer!"...
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| Humor jokes-Toilet brush |
| 2008-04-21 23:49:27 |
While Bubba and Billy Bob, two rednecks from Lenoir,N.C. were in the local Wal-Mart they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."...
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| Blonde jokes-University Final Exam |
| 2008-04-21 23:48:07 |
The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class was sweating it out.During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on."I finished the exam in half an hour. But," she said, "I am rechecking my answers!!!"...
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| Really funny jokes-Love to be six again |
| 2008-04-21 23:46:09 |
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday."I'd love to be six again," she replied.On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was...
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| Adult jokes-95th Birthday |
| 2008-04-20 23:54:27 |
A couple has been married for 75 years.For the husband's 95th birthday, his wife decides to surprise him by hiring a prostitute.That day, the doorbell rings. The husband uses his walker to get to the door and opens it.A 21-year-old in a latex outfit smiles and says,"Hi, I'm here to give you super sex!"The old man says, "I'll take the soup."...
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| Kids jokes-Fire truck with Dog |
| 2008-04-20 23:53:02 |
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties."They use him to keep crowds back," said one child."No," said another, "he's just for good luck."A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs,"she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants"...
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| Really funny jokes-Conductor's humor |
| 2008-04-19 11:15:00 |
Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Rail Road.He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider.One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched."Where are you going today?" Bob asked, smiling."Well, what does the ticket say?" replied the traveler sarcastically."Um, it says you're on the wrong train," Bob informed him."What am I supposed to do now?" asked the flustered passenger.Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, "Ask the ticket."...
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| Blonde jokes-Zip code |
| 2008-04-19 11:13:00 |
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?A: So her male would get delivered to the right box...
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| Funny jokes-Attraction to old man |
| 2008-04-19 11:11:00 |
An affluent old man marries a beautiful young woman.Tabloid interviewer asked the woman, "What did it attract you in this Old man that you married him."The woman explained, "I was attracted with a big number of dollars and a small number of days ahead."...
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| Adult funny jokes-Where do Redhead babies come from? |
| 2008-04-18 12:17:00 |
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician."Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.""Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.""It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations. ""Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?" The man seemed a bit ashamed."I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.""Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."...
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| Humor jokes-Sandwiches |
| 2008-04-18 12:13:00 |
My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better.The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive.My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?"To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey."...
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| Really funny jokes-Grabbing nose |
| 2008-04-17 12:19:00 |
One day a woman was holding her 6 month old nephew and the baby kept grabbing her nose.Her husband, thinking he was being clever, said, "Well you know Hun, babies grab the biggest thing they see."She replied, "If that's true, you could be sitting there naked and he would STILL be grabbing your nose!"...
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| Short humor jokes-Insured |
| 2008-04-17 12:16:00 |
Darling," said the affectionate husband, "I've insured myself for $1,000,000. If anything happens to me you will be provided for.""Good," said his loving wife, "Now you won't have to call the doctor every time you feel sick."...
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| Blonde jokes-Paint my porch |
| 2008-04-17 12:14:00 |
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he a...
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| Adult jokes-Census |
| 2008-04-16 12:20:00 |
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked.When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had, and their ages.She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four .. ""Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nuthin'....
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