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| Wisconsin |
| 2008-02-19 17:53:30 |
All the exit polls today are suggesting that Obama just beat the snot out of Hillary in Wisconsin, based on all those, "What's the fourth most important issue to elderly Jewish hemophiliacs," and "Would you rather be stranded on a balmy desert island with Obama, Hillary or a nude, fully-oiled Joe Biden," type questions.I'm not really buying it.Based on the "who has a reason to lie to the pollsters" theory that has served me well in New Hampshire and South Carolina, I'm going to say that the Wisconsin primary will go to Clinton by....two points. And I say this knowing that it is in direct contrast to every single analysis out there and I will almost certainly wish I hadn't.Clinton: 51 percentObama: 49 Percent Overa...
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| No, you can't be my Valentine |
| 2008-02-17 12:41:20 |
This isn't going to be a column where I complain that my Valentine's Day was lame because it's a for-profit capitalist scam intended to generate big profits for a powerful entity. Nearly everything good in modern life is a for-profit capitalist scam intended to generate big profits for a powerful entity: food production, humor columns, religion, bobble heads, Comedy Central, silky lingerie, medical care, central heating and sports, to cite just a few examples.Without imperialist cash-mongering, we'd be shivering in caves, eating gruel, gristle and parsnips, wearing burlap undergarments and playing Kick the Rock, so let's get off Hallmark's back.I'm a huge fan of Valentine's Day and here's why: As it was explained to me, the point of Valentine's Day is t...
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| Burn, baby, burn |
| 2008-02-16 15:25:17 |
This is continued from the last post so if you're lost, it's either because you haven't read that or because I suck like an Electrolux.So I take Quinn to school in the neighbor's car, getting her there basically on time, the daddy version of on time, anyway, then head home, return the car and call my mechanic."What happened.""It was on fire.""Which part.""I'm saying alternator.""Bring it in.""'Kay."Then I called AAA, probably my best investment considering both of our cars have 130,000 miles on them.And we took the car in and they gave me a loaner and they had it fixed by 3 p.m. and I had it washed and it smelled like new, and then came the dilemma.The alternator burned up because of an oil leak. They fixed both for $400.It's a 19...
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| Is that my car? |
| 2008-02-15 23:32:13 |
So Monday, my wife had gone out of town for work and I was responsible for getting Quinn ready for school. I set the alarm, got up early, got her fed and dressed and cut her little hair thingy out of her hair, which is the only way I can ever get them out.While she was eating, I went out and started the car so it would warm up. This is a big thing with my wife and daughter, it was unheard of in my family growing up. My parents figured if they had to be cold, everybody had to be cold for an equally long period of time.Then we'd have the "turn up the heat," "The engine's not warm yet," arguments.Regardless, I went out and started the car, went back in for five minutes, and when Quinn and I went out to leave for school, the car was on fire.Not all flamey and stuff, but jus...
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| Ma'am, can you help me with my Whirlpool? |
| 2008-02-10 06:43:44 |
When we left off last week, I was at a big-box retailer, receiptless, attempting to find out if I had purchased an extended warranty on my refrigerator and the dysfunctional ice maker it contained, engaged in a debate with a clerk, trying out a new facial tic and foaming at the mouth.But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the universal replacement ice maker for Whirlpool fridges, and more importantly, the price: $50.You need to understand, I have no patience for inconvenience. I'm the type of guy who, when I encounter an octogenarian in front of me in line at the Stop'n'Rage arguing about the per-ounce price of pureed prunes, will offer to buy her the prunes and a Zagnut or two if she'll just give it a rest. Offered the choice between listening to a series of keypad options from an a...
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| Flu me, flu you |
| 2008-02-09 11:04:26 |
I've a serious viral situation going on that I tried to treat yesterday with a 5-mile woods romp and an hour with Quinn at Reedy River (Falls Park).I no longer recommend such a treatment for flu. I sort of recommedn it as an unusually enjoyable and scenic form of suicide. By 6 p.m. I was afraid I was dying. By 9 p.m. I was afraid I wasn't.I also have my aunt and uncle in town, and have promised them slow cooked ribs, so I'll be hanging by the grill for about three hours, but I'll do so in a chair, and the weather is pretty nice.I invariably think I can power through illness, and usually am right, but when I'm wrong I end up so much worse off than if I'd just gone to bed.And I have my daughter all to myself Sunday and Monday while the wife heads to Charleston for work, so health must be ...
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| Super Duper Goober Tuesday |
| 2008-02-05 17:39:51 |
Okay, this is tough.For one thing, I don't know how they're going to quantify results in almost 50 contests between 2 parties.But here's my best bets, just on popular vote states. I'm not doing caucuses.McCain is going to take every Republican state, with the exception of Huckabee's home state of Arkansas and Romney's Massachusetts. Huckabee will not be able to convert in the south, Romney will miss by a nose in California. Romney will drop out of the race within 4 days. Within 14 days, Huckabee will be announced as McCain's running mate. Tonight's national popular vote tally:McCain: 50 percentRomney: 38 percentHuckabee: 12 percentThe popular vote on the Dem side tonight will be almost a tie, but Obama will edge Clinton out by just a bit. Clinton, currently ahead by about 70 delegates, wi...
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| The Pursuit of Happyness |
| 2008-02-04 21:43:54 |
Watched this movie Saturday night with the family and, oh my God, it was exhausting.Plot: Will Smith has tremendous ambition, isn't really getting anywhere, loves his son, spats with his wife, and everything goes wrong for him just as he gets an opportunity at an internship that could change his life, as a stockbroker.His car is impounded for unpaid tickets, the IRS seizes his bank account, he's evicted from his apartment, his wife leaves, people keep stealing these medical scanners he's trying to sell, and all along he's taking care of a 5-year old, and they're sleeping in the bathroom of a train station and whatnot.Eventually, he gets the job, and (this is a true story) becomes fabulously wealthy, but along the way, he has so many bad things happen that I could barely watch.Now, my famil...
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| Pardon us, sir, but the computer is forgetful |
| 2008-02-03 07:48:39 |
I had been nursing suspicions that the icemaker was on the fritz for about three days when my wife first noticed and commented on it."I don't think the icemaker is working," she said, to which I replied, "I know, but I'm putting off dealing with it until we actually run out of ice."Angela: "Why?"Me: "Well, you shouldn't fix things until absolutely necessary. What if I repaired the icemaker while we still had ice and then the house burned down, or we were killed in a hot-air balloon mishap? Besides, I think it will fix itself."The icemaker had stopped working while it was bitterly cold, so my hope was that the water line had frozen and, come the thaw, would loosen up. I explained that to Angela and she bought it, for a while.But a few days later, Angela said. "Okay, now we're out of ice," a...
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| Let it snow |
| 2008-01-15 14:54:44 |
In honor of the weather forecast, a column I wrote a year ago.  Narrating the 'Great Blizzard of '07'By Lane Filler'And now, it's your live, accurate, up to the minute, if we're lyin', we're dyin', go tell it on the mountain weather forecast, with Channel 2 Quadratic Nuclear-powered DynoDoppler 5700, the Doppler that makes that other station's Doppler look like a rusty erector set assembled by a drunken, weather-illiterate chimpanzee."Brad: "We've been keeping you up-to-date on what we are now calling the 'Great Blizzard of '07,' since word first came of possible frozen precipitation nine long days ago. Now, as we enter our 213th hour of continuously broadcasted updates, hysterical predictions and recipes for making ice cream out of snow, the dreaded w...
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| Finish your fatback, or no dessert |
| 2008-01-13 13:05:16 |
If you were to ask me about my greatest failing as a parent, I would ... lie, because I don't want you to have to go to the trouble of calling the Department of Social Services, "Nanny 911" or a priest old-fashioned enough to do exorcisms.But if you were to ask me about, say, my 104th most grievous failing as a parent, I would have to tell you about teaching Quinn to eat right.I mean, she knows how to chew and swallow. Her problem is that she's having a tough time assimiliating all the fine wisdom I provide about eating a moderate, varied and balanced diet."I just want you to try it" is my favorite plea, and it's a big, fat lie. As soon as she tries it, I demand she have "at least three bites." And unless you're Wolfgang Puck, by the time they're 6 years old, they've pretty much sampled yo...
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| Obama and the South |
| 2008-01-07 22:25:48 |
Early in this election cycle, I bet one of the reporters Obama would win the SC primary.And I gave him 10-1 odds, his $1 against my $10.I have never doubted Obama would win SC. If Jesse Jackson could do it, fresh off of calling New York City "Hymietown" and praising Farrakhan, it didn't seem to me that fresh and tasty Barack would have too tough a row to hoe. People in South caroliona just hate Hillary Clinton. They do, they just hate her guts. There's a poll answer you never see: "While 21 percent said they 'just hate her guts.'"Edwards isn't going to do much here, because people are kind of exhausted of the whole "My family all worked in the mill," thing.It's South Carolina. Everyone's family worked in the mill. That doesn't mean the whole population ought to be elected President.S...
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| Brother, can you spare oh, say, $300? |
| 2008-01-06 03:21:30 |
If you believe the price payday lenders charge for loaning money is exorbitant, you should start doing it for less. You’d take all the established players’ clients in no time and laugh your way to the vault. Additionally, you’d put all those “predatory†folks out of business, eradicating the need for legislation banning them.But let’s explore a few thoughts before you pursue either your new business plan or your legislation.Payday lenders generally charge $15 per $100 borrowed for two weeks’ time, or a maximum of $45 for $300. They charge this much because they do business almost exclusively with people WHO CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO PAY THEIR BILLS.People who can be trusted to pay their bills, when they need $300, do things other than going to a pa...
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| Iowa fun, and some comments |
| 2008-01-03 21:22:05 |
So a few thoughts on Iowa, some big, some little. All right, they're my thoughts, so I guess they are all little, but when thoughts are that small, they need a lot of love.I stand by McCain as the Republican nominee. Huckabee brutalized Romney, and McCain will brutalize Romney in New Hampshire.Here's the question on the Republican side: Will we finally see the Holy Grail of political reporters, a brokered convention? Not once in my lifetime has either of the parties gone to the convention with a nomination undecided. If Huckabee, McCain, Romney and Giuliani all stayed in all the way through, no one would get a majority. It is a fascinating, unlikely possibility that Super Tuesday will probably put an end to.On the Democrat's side, you have to wonder if Obama...
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| Often wrong, but never uncertain |
| 2007-12-30 14:32:28 |
My Sunday column, a more fleshed-out version of a blog from earlier this week. It’s time for the Iowa caucuses, after which I will go 3 ½ years without typing the word “Iowa.” Here are my thoughts. In a Los Angeles Times poll conducted Dec 20-26, likely Democratic voters in Iowa and New Hampshire rated Sen. Hillary Clinton tops on policies ... and the least honest.I have been hearing this, “I think I’ll vote for Hillary because I really like what she says. I wish I could trust her,” thing all year. What difference does it make what she says if you can’t trust her?If Hillary can sway voters with promises they know to be untrue, she might as well lie big. Forget universal health care and tax credits for college tuition, she should be promising flying cars, stress-free marriag...
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| Land of Jefferson, not Jesus |
| 2007-12-28 22:55:43 |
So in a few months, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has gone from a guy whose company I really enjoyed, to a guy I was wary of , to a guy I would tell people not to vote for, to a guy whose government I would actively work to overthrow if he were elected.And yet, he's still the same guy whose company I enjoyed. That's the thing about sincere religious leaders: You have a tendency to love them to pieces, even as you realize they are often insensitive, dogmatic, casually prejudiced individuals.When Huckabee told "The Daily Show" months ago, "I'm a a conservative, but I'm not mad about it," what an awesome line. That's the kind of thinking that really catches the attentions of conservatives who expend their effort supporting civil liberties rather than telling people what to do.An...
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| Leopards, oh my |
| 2007-12-26 22:40:06 |
So on the 11 o'clock news, local, WSPA, they're telling folks what not to do if you don't want tigers at zoos to eat you. All of the sudden, there's this whole, "Were the folks who got mauled asking for it, taunting the tiger," type revisionist history going on.I'm not going to listen to how I should act to prevent zoo tigers attacking me because I'm not in the "preventing tigers from attacking" business. That's really on the zoo. I demand a level of safety such that, even if the tigers don't like the cut of my jib, think my shirt is totally garish or get the sense that I'm eyeballing them, they are unable to eat my face.Plus which, the tigers don't speak English. They are not experts in human body language. How would they know the difference between taunts and, say, gestures of affect...
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| That's my boy, or rather my girl - er, my dog |
| 2007-12-23 01:10:26 |
I never dreamed that when I finally found the son I’d always yearned for, he’d be a she. And a Boston terrier.I hadn’t even wanted a dog. My dream, rather than having a pet, was that I’d someday be a pet."If only some larger, smarter life form would adopt me, feed me, carry me, scratch my head, bathe me and let me lie around on a bed in front of the fire all day, it would be so wonderful," I often thought.I actually married Angela because that was pretty much how she treated me when we were wooing, and I was told married life would be exactly like dating. But after we savored the joys and freedoms of childless wedlock for 37 weeks (yes, it was a great honeymoon) we had a daughter, an aneurysm and the medical opinion that one kid was going to have to do it.To anyone who asked how I ...
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| Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life |
| 2007-12-21 22:56:24 |
Well. I'm not drunk, anyway.I'm definitely headed for fat, because this is the time of years when both my office and home are basically flooded with a tidal wave of frosting, cream, creme and nougat.At Thanksgiving I was still trying to be good but by Hannukah I had lost all control and this week I wasn't even looking at food before I ate it."Watch him go," onlookers would shriek."I don't know what he's eating but something in that last scoopfull had a face."And any sense of quality control is gone. A month ago I was saying, "I guess I will have one of those truffles, and half a profiterole, because they're so good."Now I'm standing at the office fridge eating week old supermarket sheet cake, scraping icing leavings off the edges of the tray and chasing ...
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| Rosie the Superdog's first birthday |
| 2007-12-19 22:56:10 |
In honor of the dog's first birthday, here's the column I wrote before we got her. New chores for me? I'll be doggoneBy Lane FillerPublished: Sunday, October 22, 2006 Somehow, the decision that we will soon become a "dog family" has been made, pretty much entirely without my input.Perhaps that's a bit strong. My wife did ask for my approval, in a sense."You wouldn't really mind if Quinn had a dog to be her best friend and lie in her lap and keep her company and just generally be the most wonderful experience of her young life and help her to learn responsibility and the kind of caregiving that will come in handy when she nurses you through your final years, would you?" my eminently sensible and always lovely wife asked in a sultry voice as she scratched...
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| Rub a dub Repub |
| 2007-12-17 22:26:32 |
The beauty of picking political winners this far out is that if you get it wrong, well, who's going to remember, and if you get it right, you can be all like "I called that in December of 2007. Here's the URL. Check it out, and call me Kid Genius Boy, bringer of good."At least I think that's what it would be like if I got something right. I'll let you know as soon as it happens.So yesterday, I parsed the Democrats and came up with a ticket featuring Clinton on top and Obama for VP. It's not my preference, I'd rather see Obama on top of the ticket, because the race would be so much fun, but I just don't think it's going to happen.To be more specific, Obama wins Iowa, Clinton wins New Hampshire, Clinton wins South Carolina (which Jesse Jackson carried in '88, so that makes him look bad) and...
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| It's on, baby, it's on |
| 2007-12-17 22:26:05 |
Sunday morning I woke up and, for the first time in a long time, had a strong urge to read every single word of my Sunday New York Times and watch every Sunday morning political show.I didn't do it, because I had my 6-year-old daughter entirely to myself all weekend, and I was too busy pulling Cheerios out of my hair, getting the dog out of the fireplace and playing Wii, but I wanted to.That means the 2008 Presidential election has officially begun in my house. I pay pretty good attention to politics always, but I only ramp up to full speed once every few years. If I was compulsive about it all the time, I'd end up in a lunatic asylum, or working as a political operative myself, which is the same thing.So here are my early thoughts (keeping in mind that my past predictions include "H...
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| Hannukah Hell Finale |
| 2007-12-11 22:09:14 |
So it's over. Eight days, with some good stuff happening and a few speedbumps along the way.First off, let me say that my daughter got a Wii from my sister and her fiance, a tandem far ahead of her parents in Quinn's affections because they are cooler, richer, more lively and, of course, not her parents. And the Wii helped.Dan, the fiance, spotted the Wii in a stores ome months ago and wisely said, "I may never see one of these in a store again. I better buy it."Hooray, Dan, because the Wii is the coolest thing ever. I particularly like the bowling, but it's all good.And my wife and I got each other...a $30 table. Our living room had two big armchairs with no table between them and my wife and I decided that rather than buying each other another darn tie or bondage outfit, we'd get the t...
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| Broke ain't poor, and Goodfellows knows it |
| 2007-12-11 00:01:00 |
I've been broke. I've had weeks and months where the checks were bouncing and the bills were mounting and the wallet was empty, so I've been broke.But I've never been poor.I might not have had exactly the food (or liquor) I wanted, but I certainly had food. I certainly found a way to get cigarettes. I certainly had a roof over my head. I certainly had a car.And more than anything else, I certainly had people I could turn to when my need was great enough, family or friends.I was middle-class Generation-X broke, but I wasn't poor, and I probably didn't even really understand exactly what poor was until I became a reporter.Broke is momentary. Poor is, if not forever, for long enough to hurt. Broke is tough choices. Poor is no choices. Broke is having to ask a favor. Poor is having no one ...
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| Hannukah hells past |
| 2007-12-10 10:02:16 |
Rather than plagiarize myself, here's how I wrote it four years ago. Times Leader, The (Wilkes Barre, PA) December 20, 2003 YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND A LOT ON ME SINCE I WAS a tot, I have been on the short end of the gift stick. I receive little, and am expected to bow and scrape for what I get. While others bathe in the overflowing majesty of wrapping paper twice a year, I get this joy but once. I am a December baby, albeit a large and hairy one. December 12, 1970, to be exact. I have been paying for it ever since with a birthday too close to the gift-getting holidays. I'm also Jewish, so besides not getting my fair share of gifts, I also don't have Santa, a tree, an animated television special about plucky kids saving my holiday from a mean green creature or anything exciting t...
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| Mr. Filler Goes to Washington |
| 2007-12-09 06:14:13 |
Mr. Filler goes to WashingtonPublished: Sunday, December 9, 2007 "It's my week off and I'm not going to write a column," I told my wife Monday. "It's time to take a little break."Angela: "What will you do when your little 'ideas' come to you and you simply need to let them out?"Me: "I will share them with you, my lucky, lovely buttercup."I saw the panic in Angela's eyes. She's lived with me when I wasn't writing a regular column. She has endured shouted 600-word rants about the Bull Moose Party, the Constitution, yogurt, semi-automatic weapons, love, PETA members and the love of PETA members for yogurt (but not semi-automatic weapons)."But what about your fans, what about the boys at the orphanage who say you inspire them so?" she asked."It's really mo...
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| Hannukah Hell/Heaven III |
| 2007-12-06 23:54:02 |
Wednesday afternoon, after my debate with my mom's chiropractor over whether she would have a good time steering her walker around the Caribbean (he thought so) or end up dying in an Aruban jail (That's the bet I took, at admittedly good odds) I dropped her off at her place and sped across town to see my father-in-law at HealthSouth, where he is recovering from two open-heart surgeries and a stroke he endured on the operating table.I hadn't been to see him since this last health incident, largely because I've been watching Quinn while my wife was there, but also because I'm not that good in these situations. I have a tendency to put on this whole loud, overly cheerful visage, and generally do stupic things.This time, my big gaffe was that while we were talking, I absentmindedly ate a sig...
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| This post may cause cancer |
| 2007-11-30 22:11:48 |
I imagine a lot of folks were shocked to hear of a new study that says working at night causes cancer. I was particularly shocked because I read about it at work, AT NIGHT.That's daunting. I gave up smoking. I gave up drinking. I gave up cocaine and crystal meth and opium, LSD, shrooms, pot, hash, valium and percocet, I gave up Dumbos (elephant tranquilizers) and I quit snorting Arrid Extra Dry, all so I could be a responsible enough to hold down a a job that is apparently going to kill me.The story I read came from Associated Press medical writer Maria Cheng and states overnight work is dangerous because it disrupts the circadian rythm ("It's got a good circadian rythm, but I can't dance to it") and part of the reason may be lower melatonin levels in fol...
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| Our Candidate Destroys All Others, Is Named Intergalactic Emperor |
| 2007-11-30 01:02:20 |
Right after a televised debate, any journalist who covers politics in any way starts to see his inbox fill up. We are bombarded with trash from every campaign telling us how their guy (or gal) destroyed the competition, embarassed the other side, made a mockery of the opposition, invented a type of aluminum foil that's microwave safe and announced a plan that would guarantee multiple orgasms for all.Often, the victorious assesments purport to come not from the camps themselves but from actual experts declaring the candidates' dominance."Hillary Clinton mopped up the floor with her weak-kneed adversaries," said political analyst James Carville, who has received millions from the Clintons in the last 16 years."Thompson wowed them," said Frank Gack, of...
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| Youtube Madness |
| 2007-11-28 21:33:01 |
A few thoughts from the Republican debate last night which I watched fairly closely when I should have been editing stories for today's newspaper, so I blame any errors on Anderson Cooper. In fact, my general life plan is, "Blame any errors on Anderson Cooper."1) I genuinely enjoy John McCain. I've had the opportunity to interact with him on and off for 8 years and I like him even when I disagree with him. McCain makes the job of journalists easy, and in the same way, should make the job of voters easy.McCain always answers questions truthfully, always says exactly what he feels (he recently called me a jerk). Sometimes he sounds like a genius, occasionally he sounds (to me) loopy and misguided, but he never evades, obfuscates or hedges. Vote for him or don't, but do so knowing he is exa...
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| Hillary and the black men of God |
| 2007-11-27 21:32:05 |
Hillary Clinton's visit to Spartanburg, South Carolina to stand in front of about 60 black men of the cloth (and one white man of the cloth, and one white woman) and talk about her candidacy was...unsettling. Here's the video, for anyone interested, http://www.goupstate.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=multimedia02&bcpid=446437106&bclid=440984115&bctid=1325119805and here's another blog by staffer Jason Spencer, who handled the reporting on the story: http://campaign2008.goupstate.com/default.asp?item=287113 It was disturbing in a way that has to do with the South, and with heritage and with race, but not in a way that had to do with her speech, which she delivered beautifully and charismatically.And her message was fine, though expensive sounding. Health care for the 47 million who d...
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| Doc Davis resigns |
| 2007-11-27 01:00:00 |
Here's the column I wrote about the situation when it first came up. I'll comment a bit more at the bottom. You think you know but you have no ideaPublished: Sunday, September 23, 2007 "I'll tell you right now what happened. That no-good (insert race, age and sex of people you generally dislike and don't resemble) wasn't acting right and (insert race, age and sex of people you generally like and do resemble) got screwed over. And now the newspaper is taking (the one you hate's) side."Locally, we have two big issues garnering this kind of attention. One is the controversy between the talented but benched Spartanburg High School quarterback Zycorrian Robinson and his legendary coach, Doc Davis.The other is the case against Chapman High School band teacher Thomas Khoe, who faces one char...
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