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| Jokes and Forwards |
| Funny humor listings such as jokes and funny pictures and videos. Find the newest and most entertaining jokes that you can send right away to amuse your friends by email. |
| Language: English |
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| Those Golden Days |
| 2008-07-03 05:55:00 |
How did one survive growing up in the 70's, 80's and 90's?We had no seatbelts, no airbags and sitting in the back of a truck was a treat…Our baby prams had the most gorgeous lead based colours…No such thing as tamper proof bottle tops…Opening kitchen cupboards was a breeze… as safety locks were unheard off…Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bikes even when the brakes failed going downhill…We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping do...
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| Statue of liberty in Iowa |
| 2008-06-08 11:55:00 |
The picture was taken in 1918.It is 18,000 men preparing for war in a training camp at Camp Dodge in Iowa.Click on the image to enlarge itImagine how long these men had to stand in that one spot to set it up correctly....
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| Crossing the Language Barrier |
| 2008-05-28 08:15:00 |
Read This Out Loud!!!I dare you to try!To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published.Room Service (RS) : "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."Guest (G) : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."RS : "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddorsunteen??"G : "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."RS : "Ow July den?"G : "What??"RS : "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."RS : "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"G : "Crisp will be fine."RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"G : "What?"RS : "An toe...
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| Darling...Go Ahead....!!!! |
| 2008-05-25 21:59:00 |
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands freespeaker-function and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops to listen.MAN: "Hello."WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"MAN: "Yes."WOMAN: "I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It'sonly £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006models. I saw one I really liked."MAN: "How much?"WOMAN: "£45,000."MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year isback on the market. They're asking £450,000."MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £400,000. Th...
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| And Oh that's a deadlock... |
| 2008-05-23 00:31:00 |
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,so make arrangement.Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss andI will be going abroad, you look after yourself.Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is goingabroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is givingprivate tution: I have work for a week, so you neednot come for class.Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for aweek I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Letsspend the week together.Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I amspending my time with my grandson. We cannot attendthat meeting.Secretary make call to her husband: This week my bosshas some work, we cancelled our trip.Husband make call to secret lover...
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| Men Vs Women |
| 2008-05-21 10:18:00 |
- A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.- A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.- To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.- Women somehow deteriorate overnight.- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.- A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.- Married men live longer ...
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| Tropical Islands of Fiji |
| 2008-05-18 04:18:00 |
The Republic of the Fiji Islands, or Fiji, is an island nation in the South Pacific Ocean, east of Vanuatu, west of Tonga and south of Tuvalu. The country occupies an archipelago with two sizable islands, Viti Levu and Vanua Levu, where the majority of inhabitants live, and is joined by over eight hundred islands, with about one hundred regularly inhabited. The name Fiji is the old Tongan word for the islands, which is turn derived from the Fijian name Viti.Fiji consists of 322 islands, of which about one third are inhabited. The two most important islands are Viti Levu and Vanua Levu. Viti Levu hosts the capital city of Suva, and is home to nearly three quarters of the population. The islands are mountainous, with peaks up to 1200 m, and covered with ...
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| An Irish man |
| 2008-05-16 22:44:00 |
An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9.""Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy," and proceeded to draw three trees."What's this?" the boss asked. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," said the Irishman."Fair enough," said the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."The boss scratched his head and said, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty t...
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| Can You Figure These Out? |
| 2008-05-11 02:34:00 |
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? 2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for Over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both goout together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be? 3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away? 4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? 5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual abo...
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| Men's Restroom "FUNNY, FUNNY!!!!!!" |
| 2008-05-10 00:16:00 |
Read before looking at picture Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC. The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all women execs............. The result....well..... We all know that men never talk, never look at each other....And never laugh much in the restroom....The men's room is a serious and quiet place...But now...with the addition of one moral on the wall...... lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles. ...
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| Hmmm!!! THAT MAKES SENSE |
| 2008-05-09 22:20:00 |
1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is likeexpecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.Think about it.3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,walk as if you don't care who rules the world!That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!5. Every lady hopesthat her daughter will marry a better man than she didand is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.They said,...
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| Innocent Questions |
| 2008-05-07 03:40:00 |
1) NUDITYI was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"***********2) OPINIONSOn the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."***********3) KETCHUPA woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."***********4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got l...
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| The Corporate language !! |
| 2008-05-07 03:35:00 |
"We will do it"means" You will do it""You have done a great job"means"More work to be given to you""We are working on it"means"We have not yet started working on the same""Tomorrow first thing in the morning"means"Its not getting done...At least not tomorrow !"."After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"means"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do""There was a slight miscommunication"means"We had actually lied""Lets call a meeting and discuss"means"I have no time now, will talk later""We can always do it"means"We actually cannot do the same on time""We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"means"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.""We had slight differences of opinion"means"We had actually fought""Make ...
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| Incredible Love Story from China |
| 2008-04-30 21:36:00 |
An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world. It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century. Over 50 years ago, Liu, a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu. At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman. To avoid the market gossip, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing area. In the beginning, they had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their l...
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| The Top of the Burj - AMAZING! |
| 2008-04-30 19:27:00 |
Look at the edge (uppermost right corner) of the picture;you can almost see the "curve" of the earth…...
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| Pathan names born in different situations: |
| 2008-04-29 22:46:00 |
Born in Jungle ..........Sher KhanBorn in summer ------- Sharbat KhanBorn during war ------- Barood KhanBorn near ocean ------- Samunder KhanBorn with abnormal features ------- Ajab KhanBorn premature ------- Masti KhanBorn near garden ------- Gul KhanBorn in anger ------- Ghazab KhanBorn in horror ------- Haibat KhanBorn funny ------- Nadia KhanBorn After Suicide Bom ------- Bhadur KhanBorn with talent but no brain ------- Shahid Khan AfridiBorn with Proud of Pakistan-------- Abdul Qadir KhanBorn in Pervaiz Musharaf Government ------ Bardasht Khan...
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| Space crunch in space? |
| 2008-04-29 22:37:00 |
From time of start of the Satellite on October, 4th 1957 till January,2008 of 4600 starts have deduced in space about 6000 satellites fromwhich approximately 400 fly outside of a geostationary orbit or on interplanetary trajectories.Here so now the Earth looks from space. Photo European Space Operations Center....
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| Sesa Goa plans stock split, bonus issue |
| 2008-04-28 09:12:00 |
Shares of iron ore exporter Sesa Goa rose over 7 per cent Monday ahead of its board meeting to consider stock split and bonus issue.At 10:48 am, the Sesa Goa share was up 6.89 per cent at Rs 3741 with volume traded at 70,075 shares against two-week average of 91,030 shares.London-listed miner Vedanta Resources owns a controlling stake in Sesa Goa. Vedanta Resources bought the stake from Mitsui & Co for $981 million, beating rivals, including Arcelor Mittal, to secure supplies of the steel-making raw material.Vedanta, the biggest producer of copper and zinc in India, paid Rs 2,036 per share for a 51 per cent stake in Sesa Goa....
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| Tiger Temple |
| 2008-04-28 07:37:00 |
There aren’t many places in the world where you can touch a fully-grown tiger, but the monks at Thailand’s Tiger Temple allow you to get up close and personal with their domesticated brood of big cats ...
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| Yet Another Management Lesson |
| 2008-04-28 06:59:00 |
A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. ...
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| Firing Squad |
| 2008-04-28 06:58:00 |
Jerry, Perry, and Cletus get captured and are placed before a firing squad. They are about to be executed when Jerry exclaims, "Look...Hurricane" and points to his left while he gets away.Perry follows up with, "Look...Tornado," points and gets away.Finally Cletus tries to do the same thing and says "Fire!"...
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| On the Way to Heaven |
| 2008-04-28 06:57:00 |
One day a Jerry, Perry, and Cletus were on their way to heaven.God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.So Jerry made it to the 45th step and laughed.Perry made it to the 200th step and laughed.But Cletus made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.God asked, "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"Cletus responded, "I just now got the first one!!!" ...
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| Bumper Snickers |
| 2008-04-24 21:37:00 |
- Born Free. Taxed to Death- Don't Steal. The Government hates Competition- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name- A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain- All men are Idiots, and I married their King- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film facility- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now....
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| More Good Advice - Military Style |
| 2008-04-24 21:23:00 |
- "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher- "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF- "When the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal- "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual- "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance- "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."- "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF- "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena,Japan- "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)- "The only time you h...
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| Hemp Bags |
| 2008-04-24 03:30:00 |
Jerry, Perry, and Cletus escaped from jail. They were being chased by the police. They were running through the streets when they saw an old barn. So they ran in and found three hemp bags. They all jumped in.The coppers walked in the barn and saw the three hemp bags. One copper goes to the other "Kick the hemp bags to make sure nothing's in them"So the copper walks up to the heshin bag with Jerry and kicked it.He said "Meow Meow" and the coppers thought it was a cat and walked to the next hemp bag.The copper kicked the second heshin bag with Perry in it. He said "Woof Woof" so the coppers walked to the third hemp bag thinking a dog was in the second one.The copper kicked the third heshin bag with Cletus in it. And he said "Potatoes". ...
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| Heaven's Ugliest |
| 2008-04-24 03:27:00 |
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you end with that b...
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| The Frog and the Rat |
| 2008-04-24 03:24:00 |
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywo...
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| How to handle a Divorce |
| 2008-04-22 23:44:00 |
A man is driving along a freeway at a steady 50km/h with his wife when she suddenly looks at him and says in a clear voice:"Darling I know we've been married for 20 years but I want a divorce."The husband says nothing, keeps looking at the road and slowly increases his speed to 65km/h.The wife says: "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it because I've been having an affair with your best friend and he's a far better lover than you are."Again the husband says nothing but grips the steering wheel more tightly and increases the speed to 80km/h."I want the house," his wife says insistently, pushing her luck. The speedo goes up to 95km/h. "And I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."The car slowly starts veering towards a massive...
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| Three Guys in Heaven |
| 2008-04-22 23:17:00 |
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.“So,” Peter asks the first guy, “how many times did you cheat on your wife?”“None. I had a perfect marriage.”“Great,” says Peter. “You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.“Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.“Okay,” says Peter. “You get a rusty Ford.”Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.“What’s wrong?”“I just saw my wife and she was riding a skateboard!”...
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| Good Advice - Military Style |
| 2008-04-22 23:14:00 |
- "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."- "Never trade luck for skill."- The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"- "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"- "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."- "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."- "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."- Advice given to RAF pilots during...
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| 51 Days. |
| 2008-04-19 02:11:00 |
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their v...
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| Rules For Managers |
| 2008-04-19 01:51:00 |
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic . 6. Do your best to keep me late. I...
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| Won the Part |
| 2008-04-18 23:43:00 |
A fourth-grader was excited that he had tried out and gotten a role in his school's play. His father was really proud of him and asked, "So, what part did you get?"The little boy replies, "I got the part of a man who's been married for 25 years."His father congratulated him said “That’s good son. Maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”...
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| Management Quotes |
| 2008-04-18 23:06:00 |
A magazine recently ran a "management quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life dysfunctional managers.Here are the top ten finalists:1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that ...
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| Minnesota Ghost |
| 2008-04-17 06:25:00 |
This happened about a month ago just outside of Willmar, a little town in the back country of Minnesota, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.This out-of-state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.Ag...
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| Work Vs. Prison |
| 2008-04-17 06:24:00 |
IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 desk cubicle.IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour.IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visitAT WORK...you can't even speak to your family on the phone.IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for...
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| Meals on Wheels |
| 2008-04-16 06:03:00 |
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold back alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.The earth was no better for them than it was the cat.They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give the...
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| Your Daughter is Pregnant |
| 2008-04-16 06:01:00 |
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.It only took the doctor about two seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?""Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping...
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| Seventeenth Chapter |
| 2008-04-16 05:56:00 |
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week."Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."About half the class rose and came forward."The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."...
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| Male assertiveness |
| 2008-04-16 05:49:00 |
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?""The funeral director," said his wife....
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