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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Visitors Out: 4860 |
| Total Visitors Out: 4860 |
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| Animal jokes-Baby Turtle |
| 2008-07-21 02:07:00 |
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and sai...
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| Humor jokes-In the ear |
| 2008-07-20 02:07:00 |
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?""A what?" Mabel replied."A suppository, " said Ethel. "In your ear."Mabel pulled out the item and stared at it for a moment. "I'm glad you saw this thing, Ethel," she said. "Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."...
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| Short humor jokes-Laundromat |
| 2008-07-19 02:09:00 |
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?- Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you....
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| Adult doctor jokes-Not so good in bed |
| 2008-07-19 02:08:00 |
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast."You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone."What took you so long to answer?""I was in bed.""What were you doing in bed this late?""Getting a second opinion."...
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| Short adult jokes-Different |
| 2008-07-18 02:08:00 |
Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?A. The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead....
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| Really funny jokes-Notice in the paper |
| 2008-07-18 02:07:00 |
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.""I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea," the widow replied. "I simply thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover instead of the big poop he really was."...
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| Humor jokes-Anything |
| 2008-07-17 02:08:00 |
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing....
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| Halloween jokes |
| 2008-07-17 02:07:00 |
Q: Why do witches think they're funny?A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.Q: Why can't boy ghosts make babies?A: Because they have "hollow weenies"Q: What's a monster's favourite song?A: "Ghouls Just Want To Have Fun."...
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| Humor jokes-Olive |
| 2008-07-16 02:08:01 |
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave."S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?""Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"...
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| Humor in uniform-Wire brush |
| 2008-07-16 02:07:00 |
"What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic syphilis, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?""To get back to the front lines, Sir!""Good man!" says the Major.He goes to the next bed."What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic piles, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?""To get back to the front lines, Sir!""Good man!" says the Major.He goes to the next bed."What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic gum disease, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?""To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two - Sir!"...
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| Really funny jokes-Funeral |
| 2008-07-15 02:08:01 |
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."...
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| Stock Market humor |
| 2008-07-15 02:07:01 |
SIP - Suicide by Investing PatientlyFund Manager - Last year's ace stock picker now locked up in an asylumInvestor - Someone who is brokeBroker - Worse off than an investorCorrection - The next day after you bought sharesMomentum buying - The fine art of buying high and selling lowValue buying - The art of buying low and selling even lower...
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| Good jokes-The Minister |
| 2008-07-14 02:08:00 |
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump."Reverend," said the young man: "Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."The minister chuckled: "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."...
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| Short adult jokes-Heart attack |
| 2008-07-13 02:07:01 |
Mary: "Did you hear that Janet's husband died?"Donna: "Nooo! What happened?"Mary: "He had a heart attack while they were screwing. He went straight from "Oh, God!" to "Hi, God!"...
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| Humor jokes-First Aid |
| 2008-07-12 02:08:55 |
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."...
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| Doctor jokes-Rubber gloves |
| 2008-07-12 02:07:01 |
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.""Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."...
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| Good jokes-Alligators |
| 2008-07-11 02:08:01 |
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!""Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!""Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?""We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."....
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| Humor jokes-In 3 Seconds |
| 2008-07-10 02:08:01 |
Wife hinting husband for a new carSays : "Dear, buy me something that goes 0-100 in 3 seconds when i am on it"He gifted her a weighing machine....
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| Really funny jokes-The Irishman's Wish |
| 2008-07-10 02:07:01 |
An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.The man says, "I want two more of these....
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| Short Adult jokes-Second |
| 2008-07-09 02:09:01 |
There's a scream from the bedroom. Santa runs in and there's a guy leaping out of the window.His wife, Jeeto, says, "Whaa! That guy just screwed me twice!"Santa says, "Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?"Jeeto says, "Because I thought it was you...until he started for the second one."...
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| Doctor jokes-In person |
| 2008-07-09 02:08:00 |
The old professor sat there waiting for his new doctor to make his way through the file that contained his very extensive medical history.After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at him and said, "You look better in person than you do on paper." ...
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| Humor jokes-Honking |
| 2008-07-08 02:07:00 |
The Dad was driving his five year old son to school and then suddenly by mistake his hand hit the horn.The boy started looking curiously at the Dad hearing the sound.So the embarrassed Dad explained, "I am sorry son I just hit the horn inadvertently. "The boy started giggling, "I know that Dad, because otherwise you would yell 'ASSHOLE' after honking."...
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| Good jokes-Smiles |
| 2008-07-08 02:06:02 |
When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy.When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who's the handsome dude behind him.But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped....
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| Adult funny jokes-Checking |
| 2008-07-07 02:09:01 |
One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex."What's that?" he asked.She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,"What the hell did you do that for?""Just checking for bees," said Tarzan....
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| Really funny jokes-The bad news |
| 2008-07-07 02:08:00 |
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker""Ah yes, Mr.Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?""Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died""My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition? ""That's the one.""Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?""From eating rotten meat.""Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?""Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses.""Dead horse? What dead horse Mr.Arnaldo?""Why, those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart.""Are you insane? What water cart?""The one we used to put out the fire.""Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?""The o...
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| Sarcastic jokes-Crime |
| 2008-07-05 02:09:00 |
"Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!"...
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| Humor jokes-Stranger |
| 2008-07-05 02:08:01 |
A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."...
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| Short adult jokes-Upset |
| 2008-07-05 02:08:01 |
Mary: You look mad, Jill. Why are you so upset?Jill: It's work! My boss gave the job I deserved to another woman! I'm better qualified and have been at the company longer!Mary: Oh, that's a shame! What's the position?Jill: Well, from what I understand, it's on her knees under his desk! ...
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| Really funny jokes-Suicidal |
| 2008-07-04 02:07:01 |
I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Help Hotline.I was put through to a "call center" in Pakistan.I explained that I was feeling suicidal.They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane....
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| Short adult jokes-Better |
| 2008-07-03 02:09:01 |
Nina, a rather young miss attending St. Mary's Catholic Girls School, was sitting on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette.The local priest walks by and gives her a glare. "Nina! Smoking at such a young age! Aren't you ashamed?""What?" said Nina. "You got something better to do after sex?"...
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| Humor jokes-Fire Engine |
| 2008-07-03 02:08:01 |
Ricky, Jimmy, and Stewart were out riding their bikes one afternoon when a fire engine zoomed past with blaring sirens.The three kids noticed a Dalmatian on the front seat of the fire engine.Ricky commented, "They use that dog to keep the crowds back.""No," said Jimmy, "he's just for good luck."But Stewart knew better, "No, that's not it," he said. "The dog is there to give them directions to the nearest fire hydrant!"...
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| Office Humor jokes - Casual Day |
| 2008-07-03 02:07:01 |
A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same.Week 1Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.Week 3Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.Week 6Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.Week 8Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.Week 9Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.Week 14Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual ent...
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| Really funny jokes--Awesome Senior Moment |
| 2008-07-02 02:08:00 |
Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC.There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, 'Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq ?'The old woman looked up at her and said, 'Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here ...
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| Short humor jokes-Rescue |
| 2008-07-02 02:07:01 |
The worst airline disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon. Rescue workers have so far uncovered 826 bodies and expect to find more as the digging continues....
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| Good jokes-Old days |
| 2008-07-01 02:07:01 |
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more".They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come. But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?"Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go..."...
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| Humor jokes- Last Rites |
| 2008-07-01 02:07:00 |
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around."A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps.A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind."A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:"B ...
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| Short adult jokes-Monotonous |
| 2008-06-30 02:09:01 |
John: Would you tell me your sexual fantasies, Jill?Jill: Well, yes, but I'm afraid you'd find them monotonous.John: Why do you think so?Jill: You're in all of them!...
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| Cannibal jokes-High price |
| 2008-06-30 02:08:00 |
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...Tourist: $5Broiled Missionary: $10.00Fried Explorer: $15.00Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?'The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."...
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| Humor jokes-New EU Directive |
| 2008-06-28 02:09:01 |
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2009.From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'...
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