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| Unique Visitors: 767 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 3714352 |
| Visitors Out: 2740 |
| Total Visitors Out: 4427 |
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| Congrats (again), Brad! |
| 2008-05-09 15:44:03 |
Well, Brad did it again. But if you think I'm making a 4x banner, you're kidding yourself. Maybe I'll start a caption contest hall of fame. Yeah, that sounds easier.I will send you a copy of my book if you want, Brad, though I think you might already have one. Maybe I'll send you one of Joel's books instead.Sue Wilkey came in second with:Now, Hulk, be a good boy and go put Arkansas back.And Poke came in third with an entry that makes me giggle every time I read it:I'm just a man, standing in front of a Hulk, asking it to love him.Thanks for playing, everybody. Have a great weekend. And don't forget to visit Humor-Blogs.com on your way out.Listed on humor-blogs.com....
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| Saturday Morning in the Bedroom of Good and Evil |
| 2008-05-05 09:48:00 |
ow the Red Vine was more tempting than any of the other candies which the parents had bought. And the Red Vine said to the girl, Yea, hath your parents said, Ye shall not eat of any candy in the pantry? And the girl said unto the Red Vine, We may eat of the candy in the pantry, but only after a healthy dinner and with parental approval. The parents have said, Ye shall not eat candy, neither shall ye touch it, before your mother and father get up on Saturday morning, lest ye die. And the Red Vine said unto the girl, Ye shall not surely die: For your parents know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the girl saw that the Red Vine was sugary and laced with artificial flavors an...
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| Caption Contest: The Hulk |
| 2008-05-02 12:59:19 |
You have to feel a little bad for Ang Lee. He's a respected director who did his best to make a decent superhero movie. Sadly, no one told him that when you're making a movie called The Hulk, you shouldn't make the audience wait 40 minutes before they see the Hulk. Mrs. Diesel and I made the mistake of seeing The Hulk at a matinee; by the time the Hulk started doing interesting stuff like bounding through the desert and biting the heads off missiles and spitting them at helicopters, the theater had been overrun by middle-schoolers who were bored out of their minds after the seventeenth lingering shot of moss on a rock.So now they're pulling a Batman Begins and making another Hulk movie, pretending that the last one never happened. How do you think that makes Ang Lee feel? (And don't s...
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| Four Months in Pictures |
| 2008-04-30 15:20:21 |
I haven’t posted any pics of my house or family lately, mostly because, well, I lost the little cable thingy that connects the camera to my computer. I still haven’t found it, but I bought a card reader from Best Buy, so now I can finally post some pics. I’ve got quite a backlog, so I thought I’d do a quick photo pictorial, catching you up on what’s been going on over the past few months.We went to Seaworld for Christmas. That’s a story in itself, but for now I’ll just post this pic that demonstrates once again that I have the most beautiful children on the planet. I know, you think your kids are cute, but my kids are like BAM! PYCHOW! They’re all up in your grill with their cuteness.We also went up into the mountains to play in the snow. This is what Mrs. Diesel and ...
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| Finally, a Post You Can Sink Your Teeth Into! |
| 2008-04-28 16:39:22 |
One can learn a lot of interesting things working at Google.I was surprised to learn, for example, how easy it is to be turned into a werewolf.I am not at liberty to disclose the exact nature of the project I’m working on, but I don’t think that I’m spilling any state secrets by revealing to you that it’s related to lycanthropy. You might have guessed as much, yes?During the course of this project I’ve done a fair amount of research on werewolves. Most of the information I’ve come across is fairly banal: the werewolf’s vulnerability to silver, his aversion to bright light, his susceptibility to wolfsbane due to that plant’s origin as a weed that sprouted from a puddle of drool of the the demon dog Cerberus, etc.Now I know I've been a little out of touch lately, but I thi...
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| Congrats, Joel! |
| 2008-04-25 14:35:51 |
Crummy Joel took top honors this week. I think this is his third win, which ties him with Brad for most wins. Joel already has my book because he's a smart guy who know quality humor writing when he sees it, but maybe I'll send him another t-shirt. What? You didn't know there were Mattress Police t-shirts? I guess I should add that link back to my template.Here's your award, Joel.McCafferty Himself took second with:Diesel is crushed that Travolta avoids making eye contact the morning after their special night together.And newcomer EZ came in third:Double forehead and bad hair? With a package like that, she won't even notice!!Thanks for playing, everybody.I should have some time this weekend to fix all the crap that's been breaking around here and Humor-Blogs.com. And maybe, just mayb...
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| Another lame post |
| 2008-04-24 13:21:40 |
Sorry for being so lame this week. Between hackers, work and killing gophers, I haven't had much time to blog. I promise to do better next week.In the mean time, make sure you vote in the caption contest. Remember, the winner gets a copy of my book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police.Check back tomorrow for the winners. Diesel out....
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| ...and we're back |
| 2008-04-21 23:43:56 |
Well, looks like things are working again. Never did get around to posting anything today. Things have been crazy. Since we had some technical difficulties, I'll give you until noon Pacific time tomorrow (Tuesday) to get your captions in. I'll post the poll some time after that.Diesel out....
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| Caption Contest: Battlefield Earth |
| 2008-04-18 16:21:23 |
Ok, I think I've gotten a handle on my recent technical difficulties. Apparently the Humor-Blogs.com site and this one were both hacked. The hacker put a bit of code in a hidden frame on the site that would make a call to another website, prompting you to download some sort of executable file, which was probably a virus.I have removed the malicious code on both sites and alerted my hosting company who, 5+ hours after my initial email this morning, still have not responded. Good show, guys!I will be posting a more detailed message on Humor-Blogs.com later today.So, with that out of the way, we can get on to the Contest">caption contest for this week. Since I've already done Iron Man and Batman Begins, I was a little sh...
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| Technical Difficulties |
| 2008-04-18 11:31:46 |
I'm having some issues this morning.First, if you're using Internet Explorer, you may get a prompt on this site or on Humor-Blogs.com asking you if you want to install some Remote Data Services Data Control plug-in. Do NOT say yes. I don't know what that is or why it's trying to install itself. I'm looking into it and will give you more information when I can.Second, if you're using Firefox, you may notice that the background turns black partway down the page, making it difficult to read the black text. Not sure why this is happening either, or if it's related to the other issue. It looks fine when I preview the template in Blogger, but when I publish it, it goes all funky.I hope to be back in a few hours with an update. I've got a caption contest pic ready to go as soon as I get all...
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| 38? But You Seem So Immature! |
| 2008-04-16 13:21:04 |
In two weeks I’ll be thirty-eight years old.I like this age. You know what’s great about being almost thirty-eight? People stop expecting you to grow up. And you can stop pretending that you’re going to some day.When you’re thirty-eight and you interrupt a meeting at work with a five minute puppet show starring a Cat5 cable and a laptop power cable, people don’t shake their heads and mutter something to each other about how immature you are. They still think you’re immature, but they accept it. They look at your receding hairline and salt-and-pepper beard and realize that this isn’t the first impromptu puppet show you’ve put on starring office equipment – and it most likely won’t be the last. They assume you know how inappropriate you’re being, and that bringing...
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| Why Do You Do It? |
| 2008-04-14 17:04:23 |
It is understandable that many of you regard me with apprehension bordering on fear.My threatening countenance over there to the right, my merciless rants against the likes of Thomas Kinkade and my position as unquestioned despot of Humor-Blogs.com -- all of these factors contribute to the perception that I am a man not to be trifled with. Or with which not to trifle, if you prefer.Be assured, however, that I am not in fact a very intimidating person. I'm tall, yes, but I also have very slender wrists. That photo of me to the right may resemble Will Smith in Bad Boys 2, but that's mostly because, well, from the neck down it's Will Smith in Bad Boys 2. Truth be told, I'm not even really black.My rants are mostly for effect. I generally can't sustain that level of anger for more than ab...
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| Congrats, Kadi! |
| 2008-04-11 14:03:48 |
There was a firestorm of controversy regarding this week's caption contest. Why does controversy always come in firestorms? Has there ever been a thunderstorm of controversy? A sandstorm of controversy?The controversy revolved, tornado-like, around the question of how much shameless self-promotion is appropriate when competing in this little contest. So let me clear this up, once and for all: If you win, you've done about the right amount.Kadi did about the right amount this week. Actually, she was fairly restrained this time around, which evidently got her the self-deprecation vote. Nicely played, Kadi! You win a copy of my book, Antisocial Commentary. Send me your address and I'll get it in the mail to you.You also get the coveted In Your Face Award. Again.Bee took second place...
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| Your Brain (for Dummies) |
| 2008-04-07 08:34:25 |
Congratulations on your selection of the Cerebronix Diesel 1000 Carbon-Based Brain! The Diesel 1000 is a state of the art cerebral engine that takes advantage of the latest in organic brain technology. We think you’ll be glad you chose the Diesel 1000. Note that the Diesel 1000 is a high performance machine designed for a wide range of abstract thinking purposes. We do not recommend the Diesel 1000 for casual brain users. If you plan to use your brain primarily for mundane tasks such as doing geometry homework and remembering dentist appointments, we recommend exchanging your Diesel 1000 for something from our PracticalBrain line. You may also be interested in our Cerebroutine module, which allows your brain to easily focus on repetitive activiti...
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| Caption Contest: The Godfather |
| 2008-04-04 10:29:46 |
Finding little inspiration in the current crop of movies and TV shows, I have once again gone back to the classics for the Contest">caption contest.You know the rules. Submit your captions in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites, and I'll post the top ten in a poll on Tuesday. Since I still have a few copies of my book lying around, I will give a free copy of Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police to the winner.Have fun!Listed on humor-blogs.com....
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| Tag at Your Peril! |
| 2008-04-02 11:40:29 |
Hail, carrion-in-waiting!I am Grûndir the Implacable, Nazgûl and Meme-Wraith. I serve the dark lord Diesel in the capacity of dispatching troublesome memes from these premises.It has come to my attention that there has been some scurrilous talk since my last appearance on this blog. Rumor would have it that I have been 'sulking' in Diesel's barn, scrap-booking and listening to Foghat, afraid to show my face because of the lukewarm reception to my last post. Allow me to put these baseless lies to rest.Imagine, Grûndir the Implacable craving the affirmation of faceless blog readers! The notion is laughable. Mark this, blood-bags: Long after you have withered, fig-like in your graves, I will roam the land in my ceaseless quest to wipe memes and hobbits from the face of the earth.Yes, thous...
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| Morty, the Undead Lobster |
| 2008-03-31 14:59:45 |
I'm still pretty busy with work, so all I can offer you today is this little anecdote from my youth. On the plus side, I think I've convinced Grundir to come out of hiding and fill in for me on Wednesday. I think he's up to something. Anyway, here's the story of Morty the undead lobster. Enjoy.For simple cheap entertainment, few activities can top messing with drunk people.I’ve never been a big drinker, and in college my smartass friends and I used to amuse ourselves by going to parties and talking over the heads of our inebriated fellows. I guess it made us feel superior, making fun of people to their faces without them realizing what we were doing. Kind of a stupid way to entertain yourself when it comes down to it, but at least you don’t end ...
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| Congrats to Renal Failure! |
| 2008-03-28 11:24:51 |
Renal Failure wins this week, taking home the coveted In Your Face award:Seriously, stop coveting it, people. It's in the Bible.R.F. also gets a copy of my book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police. R.F., send me an email with your address so's I can ship it to you.Newcomer Avitable came in second, with:Diesel slowly works up the nerve to ask for the number of the Boleyn Brother.And Jay took third, with:Diesel: "Wait... Let me try one more time. Spock makes this look so easy."Good job, people. Take the rest of the week off, starting at 5pm today.I'll be back on Monday with a brand new post that probably won't be good enough to make up for what a crappy job I've done this week.Humor-blogs.com is up to its chin in neck....
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| Pandora's Box |
| 2008-03-26 16:49:44 |
As a compromise between listening to the same songs in my iTunes library over and over and hearing the Daughtry song of the moment sixteen times a day on the local radio station, lately I've been spending a lot of time on Pandora.Pandora is a sort of customizable radio station that plays songs based on your personal preferences. For example, I told it that I like My Chemical Romance and Pearl Jam, so it assumes that I also enjoy Green Day -- a completely understandable, and entirely erroneous assumption.You tell Pandora what you like with a simple thumbs up/thumbs down control, which isn't the most precise system. You can give a thumbs up to Def Leppard's "Armageddon It" and give a thumbs down to Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll," but there's no way to say, "Yeah, this Counting Crows ...
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| This Should Only Take a Minute |
| 2008-03-24 12:17:07 |
So I'm nearing a major deadline at work, and I can tell my boss is concerned that I'm going to be stressed out and working long hours this week. We were talking about another upcoming project, and I mentioned that I thought I would be able to handle it on top of what I already had scheduled. She kind of laughed, and I said, "Yeah, I have no sense of my own limitations.""Not when it comes to time estimates," she said.It's true, I don't. Everything takes more time than I expect it to. It's a weird sort of cognitive deficiency I have.It doesn't seem to help that I'm aware of the problem either. Even when I try to account for my unrealistic expectations by inflating my time estimate, the actual time still ends up being double what I estimated.One of the ramifications of this failing is th...
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| Caption Contest: The Other Boleyn Girl |
| 2008-03-21 17:16:06 |
I finally settled on The Other Boleyn Girl for this week's Contest">caption contest. Sorry for taking so long; my car continues to make my life interesting.I haven't seen the movie, but I thought this made a pretty good picture.A little twist this week, to keep things interesting: I'm going to give the winner a copy of my book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police. If the person who wins already has a copy, I'll come up with something else. Maybe a plastic bag of dryer lint.Submit your captions in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites and I'll post the top ten in a poll on Tuesday. Have fun, and good luck!Listed on humor-blogs.com....
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| Worst Boss Ever |
| 2008-03-20 18:42:54 |
Sorry for the delay in posting today; it's been another crazy day. I promised you the story of the worst boss I've ever had, so here it is. I'll warn you that it's a little long, and not so much funny as sad. There's no happy ending, except for the fact that I don't work for the ass-hat any more. Unfortunately, people don't always get what they deserve. Sometimes you just have to be content with the knowledge that stupidity is its own punishment.In September of 2002, I took a job as the webmaster for the government of a nearby city. My boss, the head of the city’s IT department, was a pony-tailed, marginally competent sad-sack, the kind of guy who spent his life trying to live up to his memories of Woodstock, even though he was only in 3rd grade at the time. Stoner, as I’ll ...
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| Alternating Between Love and Hate |
| 2008-03-19 12:59:21 |
Sorry about yesterday's little rant. I don’t think Grûndir realized that many of you are newer readers, and therefore are not familiar with his terrifying visage. For those who don’t know, Grûndir the Implacable is one of the nine Nazgûl, or ring-wraiths, who once served the dark lord Sauron. Grûndir fell on hard times after Sauron’s fall, taking on various odd jobs until eventually being hired by the Mattress Police to dispatch troublesome memes that I don’t feel like dealing with. He’s also good at rooting out the gophers and hobbits that continuously tear up my lawn.(See, so now that I’ve explained it, it’s really quite funny, isn’t it? I mean, scrap-booking? Come on!)And if dealing with the inconsolable Grûndir wasn’t enough, I woke up this morning feeling ...
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| First Cursed to Roam the Earth as a Wraith, and Now This? |
| 2008-03-18 18:29:54 |
Eleven comments? Really?You know, Grundir's mental state was fragile enough when all he had to worry about was coping with an eternal living death and learning the ins and outs of scrap-booking. He makes the effort to do a solid post, taking on two very fierce-looking memes, baring his soul in the process, and you reward him with a meager eleven comments?How do you think it makes Grundir feel, knowing that my post about giving people the finger got nearly three times as many comments as he did? Dispatching memes has always been a nice outlet for him, but now I'll be lucky if I can get him to come back next week to finish off the rest of them. He's been sulking in the barn since last night. He thinks you're all laughing at him about the Angela's Ashes thing. I'm telling you, he puts ...
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| Gather Your Memes and Hobbits About You! |
| 2008-03-17 13:32:22 |
It seems as if every time I darken this blog with my ominous visage, I must first apologize for my long absence. So once again, flesh-bags, I must express my regret that I could not enlighten and terrify you sooner.Frankly, I grow a bit weary of being employed to kill gophers and the occasional errant hobbit at the Diesel estate, only occasionally being called upon to dispatch a troublesome meme or two. I have over 900 years of slaying experience! Could I not find a more meaningful gig?True, I have done the occasional guest column over at the Clay Pigeon humor magazine, but even that does not come close to filling the insatiable gnawing pit of blackness that is my soul. I am considering taking up scrap-booking. I've already got one of those neat scissors that cuts the jagged lines, as...
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| American Ingenuity |
| 2008-03-16 16:20:36 |
So I guess they killed off Captain America. Like, um, a year ago.I'm a little late on this, because I haven't read comics for a while, and I never really did follow Captain America. I like the idea of Captain America, but he always seemed like a dull character to me. First, there's his secret identity: Steve Rogers. I mean, come on. Steve Rogers? What, was the name Jim Blandguy taken?Captain America's origin isn't exactly inspiring either: As a young man, Steve volunteers to serve in the military during World War II, but is turned down because he is too weak and sickly. He is offered the opportunity to become a subject in a "super soldier" project. A prior subject has already been driven insane by the "super soldier" serum, but Steve lucks out: The serum greatly enhances his strength and r...
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| Hey, Thanks! |
| 2008-03-13 23:54:52 |
Just a quick post to say 2 things:1. To the guy who was honking at me as I was pushing my car up the overpass in Milpitas today: What were you trying to communicate exactly? That I was in the "no pushing lane"? That I wasn't pushing as hard as you thought I should? See, what you probably didn't realize is that I didn't plan on pushing my car up the hill. It was actually running on its own power for most of the way, and then it stopped rather unexpectedly. I was really only pushing it because it didn't seem to want to go any further by itself. You could probably see that I wasn't even wearing my pushing shoes. It was all a rather ad hoc, impromptu affair. So I appreciate you informing me, with repeated taps on your horn, that I wasn't following the proper protocol, but trust me, I ...
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| Caption Contest: Iron Man! |
| 2008-03-07 13:36:36 |
In case you're new around here, that's me fiddling around with Iron Man's torso. Submit your captions in the comments. I'll post the best ones in a poll on Tuesday.Have fun and have a super weekend.Listed on humor-blogs.com....
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| Humor Me |
| 2008-03-05 14:03:48 |
You may not be aware of this, but in addition to this site I also run a blog directory called Humor-Blogs.com. (I know, you're probably wondering what other secrets I've been keeping from you. Like maybe I've written a book, or I've been editing an online humor magazine.)Shortly after I started this blog, I began looking for ways to promote it. One way that a lot of people recommended was to get listed with a blog directory, like BlogTopList or TopBlogging. So I submitted my site to a bunch of directories, hoping for a small boost in traffic. What I got was basically nothing. I mean, I might get one visit a week from each of these sites. I even tried putting their banners near the top of my template and writing posts encouraging my readers to click o...
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| Hey, It's a Nickel! |
| 2008-03-04 11:18:11 |
Hey, it’s a nickel!Funny how excited I get about finding a nickel on the ground. What am I going to buy with a nickel? A gumball? I’ll just leave it for some ten-year-old kid to pick up. Someone who will appreciate it.Nickels are hardly even worth picking up any more. A nickel! What a joke. A cup of coffee is three bucks these days. That’s, geez, sixty nickels. Can you imagine handing the cashier – sorry, barista – at Starbucks sixty nickels? I’m sure he’d take them, but as soon as you pulled away from the drive-through he’d be all, “Hey, Kyle, can you believe Mr. Jingly-Pants, giving me sixty nickels? Next time go to 7-11 and get some Twizzlers too, Jingly-Pants. Maybe catch up on Bazooka Joe while you’re at it. Freaking loser.”Why am I obsessing about t...
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| The CP Looming Recession Issue! |
| 2008-03-03 10:42:13 |
Have you seen the new issue of the phenomenally popular online humor magazine, The Clay Pigeon? (Seriously, despite the fact that hardly anybody leaves comments on the articles, it's doing quite well.) With tough economic times ahead, the CP is doing its part to spread gloom and unease with a special Looming Recession issue.As CP Publisher Rusty Gibbons puts it:“This is no time for joking around, Clay. The economy is in real trouble. I think our readers need to hear about the fragile state of free trade in this world. Did you know that 63% of Americans are now against NAMBLA?”Read the rest of Rusty's pontification here.And be sure to check out our exclusive transcript of Britney Spears' recent address to the American Coal Foundation, our shocking report on Smiley Inflation and the C...
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| Tremble Before My Shovel! |
| 2008-03-02 23:42:00 |
Greetings, wormfood!I apologize for my long absence. Diesel's estate seems to have developed a bit of a hobbit problem, and my lord insists that I deal with them. He won't admit it, but I suspect that he still feels a little bad about accidentally clubbing that troop of boy scouts to death with a shovel.I have since taught him a handy rhyme to distinguish boy scouts from hobbits:If it's helpful and nice, you should look twiceBut if the feet are hairy, first whack and then buryStill, my master remains a bit shovel-shy, so I am left to deal with the matter. Filthy creatures, tearing up our garden and keeping my lord awake at night with their homoerotic pledges of loyalty to each other. I shall slay them all!Not that there's anything wrong with their being gay. I'm totally ok with their ...
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| Terminator vs. Highlander: The Sarah Connor McLeod Chronicles |
| 2008-03-02 23:42:00 |
Sarah Connor McLeod, proud Highlander woman, is tending her sheep in the Scottish Highlands, when a hulking stranger wearing a kilt approaches.Terminator: Are you Sarah Connor McLeod?Sarah: I am. Sarah Connor McLeod of the Clan McCleod. And who might you be, stranger?Terminator: I am a cyborg sent from the future to kill you. I was reprogrammed by a resistance fighter and sent here to prevent a terrible catastrophe.Sarah: Kill me? But why? I'm just a poor Scottish peasant type person, living in the Scottish Highlands.Terminator: You will give birth to a son who will be named Connor McLeod. He will be immortal, as long as nobody chops his head off.Sarah: Well, that doesn't sound like a bad thing.Terminator: ...
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| Don't You Know that You're Toxic? |
| 2008-03-02 23:22:54 |
So lately my neck has been killing me. I’m not sure if it’s the driving or what, but I’ve got this knot in my upper back/neck area. The really messed up thing is that when I went to bed on Friday night, it was on the left side, and when I woke up Saturday morning it was on the right. How does that happen?I’ve been thinking about going to a chiropractor, but with my luck I’d get somebody who slept through How to Not Paralyze People class. So as a sort of compromise between incessant whining and possibly becoming a quadriplegic, I’ve been getting occasional massages.My massage therapist, despite the fact that she shares a last name with a famous movie serial killer, is pretty good. One of the things about people in quasi-medical professions, of course, is that they are requi...
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| Caption Contest: The Oscars! |
| 2008-03-02 23:17:36 |
Yes, it's that time of year again, I guess. I can't stand the Academy Awards. What a load of pretentious crap. But hey, that's no reason for me not to capitalize on the popularity of the Oscars for my own purposes.In case you're new here, that's me rubbing shoulders with Frank Coppola, Marty Scorsese and a couple other blokes. Submit your captions in the comments. I'll post the top 10 on Tuesday. And I'll be back on Monday with a brand new post -- not to mention the second brilliant issue of the Clay Pigeon. Have a pleasant weekend.Listed on humor-blogs.com....
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| Oscar Caption Contest Winners |
| 2008-02-29 13:36:23 |
Brad won handily this week, with a caption that was about neither farting nor something being in someone's pocket. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you.Brad, you may proudly display the coveted In Your Face award:VE came in second with:Spielberg: "I don't know who he is either. I thought he was one of those Coen Brothers..."And in third was y not i, whose contribution was:A near perfect hand: Four kings and a joker.Congratulations to the winners. Be sure to come back Monday, when we'll have a special visit from Clay Pigeon publisher and jet-setting bigwig Rusty Gibbons.Thanks to everybody who's been clicking on the Humor-Blogs.com links. I'm back in second place! And really, who deserves it more than me? Keep clicking!One more thing: I'm plann...
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| I Think My Cat May Be on Drugs |
| 2008-02-27 12:02:51 |
That's not an expression, like "What has gotten into that cat? It's acting like it's on drugs." I mean, it started out that way, but at this point I seriously think my cat may be abusing a controlled substance. I don't really know how to find out for sure; they don't make public service announcements for this sort of thing.It started a few days ago, when our normally sedate cat started darting from one end of the living room to the other for no apparent reason. Then she would meow plaintively, as if she needed food or wanted to go outside, but if you followed her to where she seemed to want to go, she would just stop at some arbitrary location and look up at you quizzically, as if to say, "Where to, chief?""What is up with Molly?" I would say to Mrs. Diesel. "She's acting like she's o...
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| Happy Birthday and Get Well Soon! |
| 2008-02-26 10:45:23 |
It's the happiest, saddest and most inappropriate day of the year! Yes, Inappropriate Card Day is finally here!Celebrate by giving an inappropriate card to someone you recognize! Or don't!-------------------------------------The competition in the caption contest was fierce this week.I finally narrowed it down to these ten:Brad: "Most of all, I'd like to thank our optometrists..."Mark Jabo: Nominated for Best Picture and, in the lesser known category of Best Mattress Police Caption... "No Country For Old Men"ArmadilloTrader: Out of nowhere, Diesel gets a brilliant idea for his sure-fire Oscar winning movie : "Raging Apocalypse Temple of Doom Wars"renalfailure: And the Oscar for Worst Combined Eyesight goes to...kev: Unable to fight the urge any longer, Diesel decides to give in to tempt...
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| It's Inappropriate Card Day Eve! |
| 2008-02-25 10:51:00 |
Tomorrow is Inappropriate Card Day! I know, it really sneaks up on you, doesn't it? In case you're somehow unaware of this phenomenon that is now so popular that even when I search my own website for "Inappropriate Card," Google suggests that maybe did I mean "Inappropriate care"? I mean, come on. "Inappropriate care"? Who is searching for that? What does that even mean? "Sorry, Bill. I killed your ficus while you were on vacation. I think I may have given it inappropriate care."Whatever. Anyway, in case you're somehow unaware of this phenomenon that is sweeping the nation like baby fish mouth*, here's the deal:February 26 is Inappropriate Card Day. You celebrate ICD by -- surprise! -- exchanging inappropriate cards. There are no rules. Well, except for the fact that the card h...
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| Sarcasm, Harry Potter and Satanism, Oh My! |
| 2008-02-21 20:51:46 |
Bear with me while I conduct a little experiment.I've noticed that the traffic on this site has taken a significant drop over the past week or so. Analyzing my stats, I see that I'm not getting nearly as many hits from Google image search any more. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; what I'm interested in is readers, not people looking for Britney Spears pics (and yes, in answer to yesterday's questions, I did actually post one picture of Britney before yesterday -- in my Britney/Paris Hilton caption contest).Anyway, this discovery prompted me to do some experimenting with Google image search, and sure enough, I'm no longer the world's leading authority on sarcasm. If you look hard enough, you can find my sarcasm motivational poster, but on someone else's site. What's up with that?Sam...
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