 |
 |
|
|
| |
| |
| |
|
Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 11221330 |
| Visitors Out: 473 |
| Total Visitors Out: 15303 |
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
| Dear Ryan, |
| 2011-05-18 01:02:00 |
Dear Ryan,
I just have to put my feelings down on paper. After all we've been through together for
these past 3 weeks, I just can't stand saying goodbye the way we said
goodbye. We just have too much history together, and I'm
heartbroken.
Remember when we first met?
The limo dropped me off in front of the mansion, and there you were
waiting for me. The television
floodlights were causing us both to sweat like crazy, and the producers were
barking orders at us about where to stand and how to look at each other, sure -
but I could tell there was something special about what we shared in those 12
seconds before I was whisked away and another girl was ushered onto the
set.
Then later that evening I enjoyed some of the most magical
13 minutes of my life. The green screen behind us was the perfect backdrop for me to sing the song
I composed for you a few weeks ago, before we'd ever even met. Then the 46-second conversation we shared
showed me...
|
| |
|
| It's not really THAT hard out here for a pimp. |
| 2011-05-16 01:00:00 |
A common misconception, admittedly one that is propagated mostly by rap music and awards shows, is that it's hard being a pimp. Well, I'm here to tell you, from personal experience, that it's simply not that hard. Sure, sometimes I find it difficult getting into my car with this big hat, but it's stylish. I've had many a job in my day. Some might even call me a "Jack of all trades." And I'm the first to say that pimping is by far one of the easiest positions I've held.Jobs Harder than Being a Pimp:Construction WorkerDon't even get me started on this. Every day, you're out there, moving heavy things. This guy I used to work with, Gerry? He broke his leg when some bricks fell on him. Don't tell me that's harder than being a pimp. I carry a cane because it looks good. Gerry? He can't wa...
|
| |
|
| "Serious Inquiries Only" |
| 2011-05-12 01:00:00 |
An open letter to all users of Craigslist:
Do you know how hard it is to be a clown these days? Well, it's even harder to be a sad clown. Sure there's a small niche market for "Sad Clowns", but when your name is "Sparky" your clients expect a certain amount of gleeful exuberance. Well, Craigslist is making me one very sad clown these days. All I want to do is purchase a cheap vacuum cleaner, and everyone on Craigslist expects "Serious Inquiries Only". As you might expect, this makes it difficult for me.
Look, even during good economic times it's not like I can waltz into
Sears and drop six bills on a brand new Dyson. I'm lucky if I
can afford the gas to put in my VW Beetle (Though I don't think it would kill
the 23 other clowns I carpool with to chip in every now and then.) But I digress. My point is that a person in my financial position
relies on Craigslist and its bargain prices to make important purchases. And if t...
|
| |
|
| I see nothing wrong with spreading me around |
| 2011-05-09 01:00:00 |
"Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about meWhy don't they just let me live?I don't need permission; make my own decisions.That's my prerogative"- Bobby Brown, My Prerogative, 1988Dear Valued Member of Media Covering the Entertainment
Industry,
My name is Alicia Etheridge, and I am the wife and publicist for 80's
pop icon Bobby Brown.
I've included above some sample lyrics from Mr. Brown's
smash 1988 hit, entitled My Prerogative. Now one might certainly interpret that back
in 1988 Mr. Brown was craving the complete lack of media coverage that is
currently being afforded him. Allow me
to clarify Mr. Brown's stance and the meaning behind the first two lines of his
song: The message that Mr. Brown was
intending to send was that the negative
attention coming his way was unwanted.
It appears that it only took popular media 20 years to figure out that
he didn't appreciate all of the negative coverage. Surely now that the negative attention...
|
| |
|
| One Day in the Life of The Born Loser |
| 2011-05-04 01:00:00 |
If you're like me and 86 million other Americans, you can't
get enough of the daily comic strip The
Born Loser.
If you're not familiar with this paragon of comic
craftsmanship, let me take a moment to educate you. The Born Loser tells the story of a typical working man, named "Brutus
P. Thornapple," the titular "Born Loser." Thornapple simply can't catch a
break, whether it's at the office with his overbearing boss Veeblefester (LOVE
that name!) or at home with his dumpy wife, Gladys and idiot son, Wilberforce.
Here are some of my favorite The Born
Losers:
I like this one because it makes you think.
I like this one because it has a clever play on words.
I like this one because it toys with my expectations.
It's hard to say what I like best about The Born Loser. Is it the timeless (not to say stereotypical!)
characters? The attractively drawn characters? The way the artist re-uses the
same frame three times in almost every strip, never wasting a single stroke of
his pen...
|
| |
|
| Rethinking Our "Meat Before Pudding" Policy |
| 2011-05-03 01:00:00 |
Address to the
students of Islington Green Boarding School, London, England
by Headmaster Richard
G. Clayworth
April 25, 2011
Dearest Students,
I stand before you today a changed man, and I trust you'll
believe me when I say that things at our lovely little school will never be the
same again.
I have recently returned from an inspirational conference
entitled The Whole Child: Positive
Teaching Techniques for the 21st Century And Beyond, and we are
here today so I can outline some of the changes that you will notice at school,
based on what I learned at the conference.
Yes, you heard correctly: learned.
Even your teachers and headmasters can learn new things, children.
First things first:
Our "Meat Before Pudding" policy is, as of this moment, officially off
the books. I realized at this conference
that the eternal question of "How can you eat your pudding if you don't eat
your meat?" has no good answer. Those
signs are being removed ...
|
| |
|
| Teen Vogue's Guide to Summer Jobs |
| 2011-05-02 01:00:00 |
Alright gang, it's that time of year
again. The weather is getting nicer, Memorial Day is coming up,
finals are right around the corner. Summer vacation is so close you
can practically taste it! Now, before you get too excited, take a
moment to remember last summer. Sitting around your parents'
basement, wishing you could go hang out with your friends. They all
went to the movies, but you couldn't go because you didn't have any
money! We know it sucks to spend anywhere from 20 to 40 hours of
your week at work, listening to some jerk tell you what to do. We
totes get it. Now, your friends will probably have jobs as sweatshirt
folders at Old Navy or popcorn sweepers at your local movie theatre.
Those jobs are okay, but there are way cooler gigs out there, and we
at Teen Vogue are here
to help. Here's a handful of jobs that both pay well and kick ass!
Texas Rangers left fielder
Since Josh
Hamilton went on the 60-day disabled list with a broken arm, now is
the perfect time to apply for t...
|
| |
|
| Bad Medicine: The Tragic Story of Disease Rock: 1974-1988 |
| 2011-04-28 01:00:00 |
Every generation's music reflects the unique struggles that it faced. Slavery and sharecropping gave us the Negro Spiritual;
the plight of the urban poor gave us the blues; and Vietnam gave us Freedom Rock, to name
just a few examples. Overlooked until now, however, is the sub-genre of rock music
that arose from the frustration of the youth of the 70s and 80s in their
attempts to get access to quality health care.
A new book by Dr. Saul Smeckler is aimed at changing that. In
Bad Medicine: The Tragic Story of Disease
Rock: 1974-1988, Smeckler argues that many rock songs of this era were literal
cries for help. Rock musicians who were just starting out tended to be poor,
spent a lot of time on the road, and were part of a "macho rock star culture
that discouraged visiting free clinics," says Dr. Smeckler.
Five chapters of Bad
Medicine are devoted to the lead singer of Foreigner, Lou Gramm. In 1977,
Gramm began experiencing frequent chills, as indicated by the song "Cold as Ice."&...
|
| |
|
| Notes on the Buckner and Garcia 2012 30th Anniversary Reunion Tour |
| 2011-04-27 01:00:00 |
Jerry, Gary - hey guys. Just took a
look at your ideas for the upcoming tour. First of all, we at the
agency are all really glad that you put your differences aside for
this project. I mean, I know you guys had a lot of fights after the
success of "Pac Man Fever." Money, women, drugs - it happens to
just about every novelty band. You may recall I managed Barnes and
Barnes before I picked you guys up. To this day they refuse to bury
the hatchet and go on tour again. We were this close - this close!
- to the "Fish Heads: 2009 Tour." Now, I know you're excited to
play some new music - and we're all excited to hear it - but
before we hit the road, I just wanted to go over a few notes.
First, and I know this is probably
pretty obvious, you're gonna want to play "Pac Man Fever."
Probably as your closer, but hey - you're the experts, right? Of
course, y'know, for the fans, you should play some other cuts from
the early albums. Who doesn't love "Ode to a Centipede?" I know I
do.
...
|
| |
|
| An Apology For The Events of March 17th 2011 |
| 2011-04-26 01:00:00 |
To the owners and patrons of O'Flannigan's pub,
Though we all understand that St. Patrick's day is one of the few days on the calendar where the American populace is given carte blanche to get shitfaced and generally act like a bucket of retards; I feel that I may have taken things a bit too far. I was hoping that a little time and an apology might clear the air and put us back on better footing. In that vein I am so very sorry for the following things:
Dodge Darts
Darts suck. There, I said it. All I was trying to do was spice up everyone's night. In retrospect I probably should have informed everyone else that we were playing dodge darts. My bad.
Mistaking that Mickey's malt liquor display stand for a leprechaunI realize now that it was only the cardboard cut out of a leprechaun, provided by the fine folks at Mickey's Malt Liquor, for advertising and promotional purposes; but at the time it seemed perfectly logical to find a leprechaun in an Irish bar on St. Patrick's day. I'd like...
|
| |
|
| |
 |
|
| |
| |
|
 |
