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Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 16509 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 4564020 |
| Visitors Out: 298 |
| Total Visitors Out: 298 |
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| Funniest Ron Paul Jokes |
| 2008-05-08 07:11:20 |
Ron Paul supporters are easy to recognize, their signature headgear, when properly applied also keeps fat from dripping on your grill and flaring up. Also his name is Barry.
Ron Paul supporters not only appear when his name is invoked 3 times, it drives them crazy, an admittedly short trip.
The Federal Reserve killed most of Ron [...]...
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| New Barack Obama Jokes |
| 2008-05-08 06:51:26 |
Joke 1
REPORTER (to Barack Obama): At the Academy Awards, Jon Stewart made fun of the fact that your last name, Obama, sounds like Osama, the name of the most hated man on the planet. What is your reaction?
BARACK OBAMA: Besides the unfortunate name similarity, Osama Bin-Laden and I have nothing in common. One of us [...]...
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| Vote Ron Paul Jokes |
| 2008-05-08 06:47:37 |
Vote Ron Paul - because we can’t invade every country.
Vote Ron Paul - because you still want America to be worth something.
Vote Ron Paul - because America should not be owned by the Clinton and Bush Familes for 3 decades.
Vote Ron Paul - so that you can travel without being hated in every [...]...
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| Chuck Norris style Ron Paul jokes |
| 2008-05-08 06:43:41 |
1.
Ron Paul invented Chuck Norris.
2.
I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Ron Paul.
3.
Ron Paul’s tears can shrink government. Too bad he never cries
4.
Studies by the World Health Organization show that Ron Paul is the leading cause of freedom among men.
5.
Ron Paul took a lie detector test. The lie detector tapped out.
6.
Ron Paul [...]...
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| Ron Paul Jokes |
| 2008-05-08 06:40:40 |
IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW: Some claim Ron Paul supporters spam online polls, but the truth is they all have the same I.P. address because… Hey! LOOK kittens!
Q: Why doesn’t Ron Paul ever turn off the lights?
A: That kind of on-again / off-again policy is against his principles.
Q: Why does Ron Paul support the Constitution?
A: [...]...
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| Fred Thompson Jokes |
| 2008-05-08 06:37:18 |
“I don’t know if you heard this or not but Fred Thompson has dropped out of the presidential race. Don’t worry about Fred, he can always go back to his prestigious fake law firm. … Fred spent all day packing the bags under his eyes.” –David Letterman
“Fred Thompson said he is out trying to revitalize [...]...
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| The 2008 Presidential Candidates |
| 2008-05-02 06:08:02 |
~ from RHF
We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.
On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side, you have a true war hero married to [...]...
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| Polish Bank Joke |
| 2008-05-01 13:38:24 |
Back during the Solidarity days, I heard that the following joke was being told in Poland:
A man goes into the Bank of Gdansk to make a deposit. Since he has never kept money in a bank before, he is a little nervous.
“What happens if the Bank of Gdansk should fail?” he asks.
“Well, in that [...]...
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| The Royal Outing |
| 2008-05-01 13:32:23 |
Her Majesty, the Queen, and Her Royal Highness, Princess Diana, were out for a drive in the country. Suddenly, upon a quiet road, they were set upon and stopped by a highwayman. He forced them out of the car at gunpoint, and demanded their jewels.
“Give me your tiara, Ma’am,” demanded the robber.
“I’m sorry,” replied the [...]...
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| Spelling |
| 2008-05-01 13:27:34 |
Scene - A grade one classroom on a warm summer afternoon.
Teacher: We are going to have a spelling competition this afternoon. Anyone who can spell a word correctly can go home early. We’ll start with Mary. What did you do at lunchtime?
Mary: I played in the sand-pit.
Teacher: Mary, can you spell “pit?”
Mary: P . . [...]...
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| The Best Hotels |
| 2008-05-01 13:24:11 |
(This joke is best told and not read. It helps if you can do dialects.)
Time: late 1940’s
Place: New York
There were these two elderly Jewish gentlemen visiting the Big Apple when they decided it was getting late and they needed to find a room for the night. As they passed one hotel, one man says [...]...
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| The brothel makes us strong |
| 2008-05-01 13:22:05 |
A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, “Is this a union house?”
“No, I’m sorry it isn’t.”
“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
“The house gets $80 and the girls [...]...
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| An optimist sees the best in the world |
| 2008-05-01 13:18:11 |
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only
the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a
pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could [...]...
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| Internet cleaning day. Be ready. |
| 2008-05-01 13:10:33 |
Date: Tue, 1 May 2008 22:46:56 EST
From: Frank M. Lanzafame
To: Multiple recipients of list CHEMED-L
Subject: Internet Downtime
*** Attention ***
It’s that time again!
As many of you know, each leap year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead email [...]...
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| The witness |
| 2008-05-01 13:04:47 |
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi
at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he
asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife
was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100,
the [...]...
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| Education and war |
| 2008-05-01 12:55:51 |
In recent times, there has been much discussion of the shortcomings of US education. Americans’ poor knowledge of geography is one of the areas often criticized.
A. Whitney Brown, in his commentary about the war, had this to say on Saturday Night Live (Feb. 9, 1991):
“But you have to admit, our bombs are incredibly smart. [...]...
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| Teenager Daughter Owner’s Manual |
| 2008-05-01 12:54:05 |
Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters who
think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.
Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenaged
daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the
maintenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions
about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to [...]...
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| The Art of Political Spin by Hillary Rodham Clinton |
| 2008-04-29 11:20:00 |
Political Spin techniques and how the are packaged.
Judy Wallman, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary Clinton’s great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription:’Remus Rodham; horse [...]...
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| 10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter |
| 2008-04-29 11:17:53 |
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep [...]...
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| Application for Permission to Date My Daughter |
| 2008-04-29 11:16:26 |
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,current medical report from your doctor and personal reccomendation from your clergy.
NAME______________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT_______ WEIGHT________ IQ______ GPA_________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________ DRIVERS LICENSE #__________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS____________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you [...]...
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| Its The Dog’s Fault, I Swear! |
| 2008-04-29 11:05:19 |
A young man has a great date planned with a hot chick, unfortunately hes also got a bad case of gas. Upon arriving at the girls house to pick her up, he meets the parents and waits for her in the living room while she finishes getting ready.
At this point his stomach is turning and [...]...
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| Blind Skydiving |
| 2008-04-29 10:57:05 |
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go [...]...
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| Baseball In Heaven |
| 2008-04-29 10:54:21 |
Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.
Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come [...]...
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| The Old Explorer |
| 2008-04-29 10:46:45 |
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my [...]...
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| The Cat’s Diary |
| 2008-04-29 04:31:23 |
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep [...]...
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| The Dog’s Diary |
| 2008-04-29 04:30:18 |
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my [...]...
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| The COs Morning Briefing |
| 2008-04-27 08:13:44 |
The Commanding Officer of a Regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his Staff and Battalion and Company Commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had
been a bit frisky [...]...
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| Top Ten Duties Of The Miss America Pageant Runner-Up |
| 2008-04-27 04:40:39 |
10 Sandlbasting mascara off Miss USA winner.
Attending ticker-tape parade for Atlanta Falcons.
Waiting for inevitable moment Miss USA is publicly disgraced in sex scandal.
Serving as U.S. ambassador to Babeland.
Screening all phone calls to Miss USA from President Clinton.
Substituting for Miss USA whenever she is feeling sub-perky.
Posing for that photograph that comes in new picture frames.
Help [...]...
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| Late-Night Jokes About Sen. Hillary Clinton |
| 2008-04-27 04:38:02 |
“Chelsea Clinton tried to help her mother attract the gay vote in Pennsylvania by visiting several lesbian bars. That’s true, yeah. Yeah, when asked to comment afterwards, Chelsea said, ‘I’ve never seen so many women with my mom’s haircut.’” –Conan O’Brien
“Hillary Clinton was shown at a bar in Indiana drinking a beer, and doing a [...]...
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| Top 10 Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts |
| 2008-04-27 04:28:51 |
10. Neighbors describing him as “a quiet loner.”
9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, “You’re going to die up there, fat man!”
8. Can’t stop washing his paws.
7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.
6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.
5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a [...]...
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| Who’s there Easter Bunny Joke |
| 2008-04-27 04:27:55 |
Knock,knock.
Who’s there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Juan
Juan who?
Juan more ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin
Justin who?
Justin other Ether Bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Samoa
Samoa who?
Samoa Ether Bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beryl
Beryl who?
Beryl of ether bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to listen to any more ether bunny jokes?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?
Knock, [...]...
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| Lots of Easter Bunny jokes |
| 2008-04-27 04:25:37 |
Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide the egg?
A. Because it was a little chicken.
Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A. Two points just like everybody!
Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny
Q. What do you call a dumb bunny?A. A hare brain.
Q. What’s the best way to [...]...
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| Why the Easter Bunny Brings Eggs |
| 2008-04-27 04:23:04 |
10. Big tax write-off.
9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?
8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.
7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens.
6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.
5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.
4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence [...]...
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| 10 Reasons I Still Believe in the Easter Bunny |
| 2008-04-27 04:20:32 |
1. Hey, I watch television. Every year, he’s there clucking in the Cadbury egg commercials.
2. Who do you think delivers all the baskets and stuff, the little chicks? Doubtful.
3. When I was six, I saw a bunny at the scene of the crime. He put his finger aside his nose, and up the chimney he [...]...
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| List of Celebrity Q-A jokes |
| 2008-04-22 23:29:33 |
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.
Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed her hands off.
Q. What [...]...
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| Comedians’ Best Lines |
| 2008-04-22 23:25:07 |
“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, ‘You’ll never find anyone like me [...]...
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