 |
 |
|
|
| |
| |
| |
|
Statistics |
| Unique Visitors: 0 |
| Total Unique Visitors: 18034 |
| Visitors Out: 368 |
| Total Visitors Out: 368 |
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
| 20 Strange-But-True Facts! |
| 2008-08-23 12:51:01 |
1. To human taste buds, Zima is virtually indistinguishable from zebra urine. 2. SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or below. 3. The Boeing 747 is capable of flying upside-down if it weren't for the fact that the wings would shear off when trying to roll it over. 4. Male rhesus monkeys often hang from tree branches by their amazing prehensile penises. 5. The increased electricity used by modern appliances is causing a shift in the Earth's magnetic field. By the year 2327, the North Pole will be located in mid-Kansas, while the South Pole will be just off the coast of East Africa. 6. In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with Pepsi. 7. The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely ba...
|
| |
|
| Cartoon Laws of Physics [Digg] |
| 2008-08-22 16:28:19 |
Cartoon Law IAny body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second squared takes over....
|
| |
|
| 12 Annoying Movie Cliches [Digg] |
| 2008-08-22 16:26:16 |
The super-sped up cityscape. This scene requires shots of a moving and setting sun, buildings lighting up, and people zipping around As seen in: Any movie that wants to have time pass between scenes but only has four seconds to do so. Why it's lame: We get it, lazy filmmaker. Time is elapsing, but in a super-cool-looking way! OMG! It's groundbre...
|
| |
|
| .Ca - Canada's Internet Address [Digg] |
| 2008-08-22 15:44:08 |
New rules mean anyone living or doing business in Canada can register an unlimited number of .ca domain names! How You Can Benefit From a .CA Domain Name:With most of the .coms gone, the .ca pool is wide open. Registering a .ca is a perfect way to get the domain name you want....
|
| |
|
| Cartoon Laws of Physics |
| 2008-08-21 12:40:01 |
Cartoon Law IAny body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second squared takes over. Exception: This does not apply to cool characters who've never studied law. Appendum: Any species capable of flight, upon distraction of vertigo, will lose ability of flight. Conversely, any two feathers held in each hand and waved will (temporarily) give flight to any character that does so. Cartoon Law IIAny body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foo...
|
| |
|
| Unusual eBay Responses [Digg] |
| 2008-08-20 15:28:15 |
POSITIVE: Item shipped quickly, have been having erotic dreams about seller. Thanks! POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside? NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should've poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded....
|
| |
|
| Sketchy Hallmark Cards For Unloved Ones! [Digg] |
| 2008-08-20 15:24:47 |
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you. 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me....
|
| |
|
| Michael Furdyk is taking his domain global [Digg] |
| 2008-08-20 15:20:51 |
Michael Furdyk is young man and the co-founder of TakingITGlobal.org, a global non-profit online community for youth engaging members in over 195 countries.Over the last few years, Michael has done work for many large corporations, including Xerox, CIBC, IBM, and recently a 6-month consulting engagement with Microsoft in Seattle , Washington....
|
| |
|
| Sketchy Hallmark Cards For Unloved Ones! |
| 2008-08-20 12:38:01 |
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you. 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me. 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again. 5. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you. 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike! 7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise. 8. We've been frie...
|
| |
|
| How You Can Benefit From a .CA Domain Name: [Digg] |
| 2008-08-19 15:05:54 |
With most of the .coms gone, the .ca pool is wide open. Registering a .ca is a perfect way to get the domain name you want. A .ca domain name tells other Canadians that you are part of the Canadian market. Like any domain name, ca. allows you to tackle a global market as well....
|
| |
|
| Unusual eBay Responses |
| 2008-08-19 12:37:02 |
POSITIVE: Item shipped quickly, have been having erotic dreams about seller. Thanks! POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside? NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should've poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded. NEGATIVE: Despite indication in listing, I could not fit item into any of my body cavities. NEGATIVE: Honda R-Type sticker did not add horsepower as advertised. NEUTRAL: Item shipped promptly and in good condition, but I should not have to bid on birthday presents from my parents. POSITIVE: I don't really remember what I ordered. But I've been sitting in the box it came in all day, and it's great! NEGATIVE: Product didn't work, possibly broken. I woke up this morning and was disappointed to find I still believe in Jesus C...
|
| |
|
| 11 Things That School Doesn't Teach You |
| 2008-08-18 12:35:01 |
Rule 1Life is not fair - get used to it. Rule 2The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with car phone, until you earn both. Rule 4If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. Rule 5Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping they called it Opportunity. Rule 6If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying yo...
|
| |
|
| Is It Male or Female? |
| 2008-08-17 12:34:00 |
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong ones. TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over-inflated. HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them. SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on. TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people. EGG TIMERS: Egg timers ...
|
| |
|
| The Survival Guide for Horror Movie Characters |
| 2008-08-16 12:33:02 |
• When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead. • If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house move away immediately. • Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. • Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. • If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably...
|
| |
|
| Opposite Proverbs |
| 2008-08-15 12:31:01 |
All good things come to those who wait. /\ Time and tide wait for no man. The pen is mightier than the sword. /\ Actions speak louder than words. Wise men think alike. /\ Fools seldom differ. The best things in life are free. /\ There’s no such thing as a free lunch . Slow and steady wins the race. /\ Time waits for no man . Look before you leap. /\ Strike while the iron is hot . Do it well, or not at all. /\ Half a loaf is better than none. Birds of a feather flock together. /\ Opposites attract. Don’t cross your bri dg es before you come to them. /\ Forewarned is forearmed. Doubt is the beginning of wisdom. /\ Faith will move mountains. Great starts make great finishes. /\ It ain’t over ’till it’s over. Practice makes perfect. /\ All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Sile...
|
| |
|
| Coding: In The Movies Vs In Real Life |
| 2008-08-14 12:29:01 |
1. Code does not moveIn films and television code is always sailing across the screen at incredible speeds; it’s presented as an indecipherable stream of letters and numbers that make perfect sense to the programmer but dumbfound everyone else. I understand that to the non-savvy person the abilities of a programmer might seem amazingly complex, but do they honestly think we can read shit that isn’t sitting still? It’d be like trying to read six newspapers flying around in a tornado. Sure, I can watch a kernel compile, tail a log file, or simply monitor the scrolling output of a program - but the most value I get out of those activities is when execution stops and I can actually scroll back to read what the hell happened (unless the output was going slow enough I could read it as it h...
|
| |
|
| 11 Trippy Questions |
| 2008-08-13 12:27:01 |
Q1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms: The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? Q2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be? Q3. A magician was boasting one day at how long he could hold his breath under water. His record was 6 minutes. A kid that was listening said, "that's nothing, I can stay under water for 10 minutes using no type of equipment or air pockets!" The magician told the kid if he could do that, he'd give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the...
|
| |
|
| 35 Universal Truths |
| 2008-08-10 12:20:01 |
1 Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2 At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3 One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4 You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green chips. 5 Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 6 Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7 Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 8 You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 10 Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 11 You never know where to look when eating a banana. 12 Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 13 Prodding a fire with a stick makes you f...
|
| |
|
| A Collection of Fabulous Come-Back Lines |
| 2008-08-09 12:15:01 |
Man 'Haven't we met before?'Woman 'Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.'Man 'So, wanna go back to my place?'Woman 'Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?'Man 'I'd really like to get into your pants.'Woman 'No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.'The most memorable rebuttal to a turn-down (used by the guy who used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked a girl to dance and she refused:Man 'Want to Dance?'Woman 'No, thank you.'Man 'Don't thank me, thank God because somebody asked you.'Man 'I'd like to call you. What's your number?'Woman 'It's in the phone book.'Man 'But I don't know your name.'Woman 'That's in the phone book too.'Man 'So what do you do for a living?'Woman 'Female impersonator.'Man 'You know, I'd really love to travel to ex...
|
| |
|
| Air Traffic Control Humour |
| 2008-08-08 12:13:08 |
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line: "I'm f...ing bored!"Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little F...
|
| |
|
| Children On Love And Marriage [Digg] |
| 2008-08-08 01:39:01 |
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10...
|
| |
|
| Children On Love And Marriage |
| 2008-08-07 12:09:17 |
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10 "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10 "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6 "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at th...
|
| |
|
| HOW MEN AND WOMEN SHOWER DIFFERENTLY . . . |
| 2008-08-06 12:08:14 |
How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair....
|
| |
|
| Top 8 Embarassing Doctor Situations |
| 2008-08-05 12:06:01 |
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one. So I shortly after moved my practice and am now doing Beverly Hills plastic surgery. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, Beverly Hills, CA. 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Who is now practicing plastic surgery in Seattle, WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myoca...
|
| |
|
| Top 20 Unusual Homicides |
| 2008-08-04 12:05:01 |
20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged period of "fun" she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding. 19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake. 18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and ...
|
| |
|
| 35 Fun Things to Do While Driving |
| 2008-08-03 12:03:00 |
1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged. 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang. 3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling. 4. Two words: Chicken suit. 5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. 6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver. 7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot. 8. Stop at the green lights. 9. Go at the red ones. 10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance. 11. Eat food that requires silverware. 12. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive. 13. At stop li...
|
| |
|
| 19 Ways to Maintain Your Insanity |
| 2008-08-02 12:02:01 |
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors" 7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Don't Use Any Punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along...
|
| |
|
| Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever |
| 2008-08-01 11:58:01 |
13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant." 12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux." 11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick." 10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea." 9) Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back Fro...
|
| |
|
| The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs |
| 2008-07-31 14:06:04 |
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… iswww.whorepresents.com2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views atwww.expertsexchange.com3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island atwww.penisland.net4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder atwww.therapistfinder.com5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…www.powergenitalia.com6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:www.molestationnursery.com7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s alwayswww.ipanywhere.com8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website iswww.cumm...
|
| |
|
| Diet tips |
| 2008-07-31 13:57:58 |
1. If you eat something and no one sees you, it has no calories.2. If you eat a candy bar with a diet soda, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you only eat as much as they do.4. Foods used for medicinal purposes are never counted, such as hot chocolate, brandy, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.5. Movie and TV foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s daily fuel; such as Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, and Tootsie Rolls.6. Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.7. Things licked off of knives and spoons during the process of preparation have no calories....
|
| |
|
| 25 Ways To Torture Your Roommate At Christmas |
| 2008-07-31 13:57:39 |
1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloddy murder and thrash on the floor.2. Go to the mall with your roomate and sit on Santa’s lap. Refuse to get off.3. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you’re wearing it.4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, “Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town....”5. Hang mistle-toe in the doorway. When your roomate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.6. Hang a stocking with your roomates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say “you’ve been very naughty this year.”7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you ...
|
| |
|
| Top Ten Changes At NASA To Accommodate 76 Year-Old John Glenn’s Return To Space |
| 2008-07-31 13:56:38 |
10. All important devices now operated by the Clapper.9. Shuttle’s thermostat set at 80 degrees.8. Shuffle board installed in cargo bay.7. “Early Bird” specials from Morrison’s Cafeteria included on menu.6. One monitor specifically designated for Matlock.5. Little bowls of candy scattered randomly about the ship.4. Top speed of shuttle set at 25 miles per hour.3. Installed a new bifocal windshield.2. Space pants now go up to armpits.1. Left-blinker left on for entire mission....
|
| |
|
| Top 10 things not to say to your teacher |
| 2008-07-31 13:56:14 |
10. “Of course I'm not listening to you. Don't be so ridiculous.”9. “Wow! I saw your pics on this site that required by dad's credit card”.8. "Why did I get a D and Timmy get an A when he copied mine!"7. "What are you gonna do? Fail me?"6. “Oh! I had no idea they'd moved the age of retirement up a few years.”5. “It's not my fault, honestly. The Bunsen Burner just took on a life of its own.”4. “You don't really expect me to waste my time on this, do you? The Simpsons are on.”3. “Of course I'm eligible for LCVP. I'm the most eligible bachelor here!”2. “But I thought that ‘Higher' level maths meant we were supposed to bring LSD to class.”1. “I left it at home. No, really. It's lying on my desk at home right now. Seriously.”...
|
| |
|
| 35 Predictions from 50’s |
| 2008-07-31 13:55:48 |
1. “I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its’ going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.2. “Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long when $5000 will only buy a used one.”3. “If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.”4. “Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?”5. “The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it’s going to be impossible to run a family business or farm.”6. “If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.”7. “When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents agallon. Guess we’d b...
|
| |
|
| Top 10 Reasons not to Vote! |
| 2008-07-31 13:55:31 |
10. You can't find a stamp to put on your mail registration form.9. You refuse to vote until your pet monkey can vote.8. You're in prison.7. You can't understand why they don't drag the voting booth to your house.6. You went last time, and there was no free food.5. You have so many political-ads-on-a-stick in your yard you can't even make it to your car.4. You're under 18.3. The person who works the voting booths also works at the movie theatre, and if you go to vote she won't let you have the children's discount anymore.2. You feel guilty when the person you voted against loses the race.1. The check hasn't cleared yet....
|
| |
|
| Top 10 Worst Things To Say at a Funeral |
| 2008-07-31 13:55:16 |
10. Hey! Did I just see the dead guy move?9. Hey, this is the first time Grandpa's been stiff in twenty years!8. The sonofabitch is lucky he's dead. He still owes me twenty bucks!7. (to children) Be quiet or we'll bury you with him.6. I'll trade you the clock I inherited for the golf clubs you inherited.5. I don't really know him/her. I'm just here for the free food afterwards.4. It's about time. I was getting sick of her whining.3. Is this service over yet? I'm gonna miss the hockey game.2. (to Pastor performing service) So, this is what your God does, eh? Kill people and break up families? Tell me... Why do you continue to worship him? He sounds like an asshole.1. (to widow) Well, you're officially single now. Whatcha doin' Friday night?...
|
| |
|
| Top 10 signs you have eaten too much |
| 2008-07-31 13:54:45 |
1. You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net.2. Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams.3. All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps.4. While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker.5. Strangers keep addressing you as “Mr. President”.6. This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read “Good Lord!”.7. You now have an ass the size of Plymouth Rock.8. People keep looking at you and saying, “I thought the Macy’s Parade was over”.9. Your relatives can’t go home because they’re stuck in your gravitational field.10. You’re sweating gravy, my friend!...
|
| |
|
| Top 17 Headlines of 2050 |
| 2008-07-31 13:53:21 |
1. Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock2. Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen3. Florida to Be Readmitted to Union3. Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were “Just For Fun”4. Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President5. Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In D.C.6. Cody, Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree Continues7. President “Bonecrusher” Jones to Face Chief Justice “Mad Dog” Ortega In Cage Match8. Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife9. Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants10. Younger Generation’s Music Provokes Outrage of Elders11. D.C. Zoo to Receive Rare Cow12. Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby’s13. Nursing Home...
|
| |
|
| Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize |
| 2008-07-31 13:52:46 |
1. Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.2. Dr.Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.3. Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.4. The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.5. Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.6. Company President now driving a Ford Escort.7. Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the local Taco Bell.8. Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus Store” are discontinued.9. Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).10. Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked with all existing departments in the Company....
|
| |
|
| 30 signs that technology has taken over your life |
| 2008-07-31 13:52:26 |
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because there isn’t one typewriter in your house — only computers with laser printers.4. You think of the gadgets in your office as “friends,” but you forget to send your father a birthday card.5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.6. When you go into a comp...
|
| |
|
| |
 |
|
| |
| |
|
 |
