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| Fear of the Dark |
| 2008-01-24 13:40:00 |
Hola people.I've been poorly the past week or so. My doctor finally ordered me to the hospital to the eye clinic. I'd sat with the pain for three days but yesterday was the limit. It's just more of the same; Grave's disease flare-up. The doctor muttered something about life/work balance. I wasn't really listening, to tell you the truth. I am a man who walks aloneAnd when I'm walking a dark roadAt night or strolling through the parkWhen the light begins to changeI sometimes feel a little strangeA little anxious when it's darkFear of the dark, fear of the darkI have a constant fear that someone's always nearFear of the dark, fear of the darkI have a phobia that someones always thereSober. Grateful. Betrayed by my beautiful blue eyes....
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| Pornography For Girls, By Girls |
| 2007-12-18 11:16:00 |
The patient is still very ill, but off the danger list. The medics aren't sure what lasting effects there will be, particularly regarding things like speech, reading etc. But he isn't likely to die. Thank you for your words and prayers. I know PEG is grateful. Ta muchly.This is safe for work browsing Pornography For Girls, By Girls. It made me smile.I can't shake this bug or virus thing I have. I'm so busy at work that I don't have time to do being ill; at least, until I get home and the sofa beckons...ah...the siren call of a warm sofa and a mug of peppermint tea.Sober. Grateful. Painful eye day. The sofa calleth me yonder......
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| CARLOS VIVE |
| 2007-11-25 05:32:00 |
Next Saturday 24th November at noon on the Southbank, by the monument to the International Brigades in Jubilee Gardens, we´ll gather to honour the memory of Carlos, an antifascist who was killed two weeks ago by a nazi in Madrid. Around 35 Comrades, accompanied by the obligatory police helicopter turned-out to honour the memory of Carlos, a young Spanish antifascist....
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| Dodi Did 'Er Doggy |
| 2007-11-21 13:18:00 |
There is no war but the Class War.'They should be stripped of their wealthDistribute it to poor - feeding the needy not the greedyTime we evened the score'Once upon a time there was a beautiful princessQueen of the people's heartsPerfect, shy, innocent - worldwide she's adoredHome was the garden of England - in a world made of glassA long time ago - as the story unfoldsThe princess met her prince charming as tradition foretoldThe nation celebrates, rejoicing happiness and loveToast two becoming one - under the eyes of God aboveBy example they lead us - we royal believersGod save our gracious queenA long line of in breeders - blue blood line succeeds usLong live our noble queenWe know our position in the food chain divisionGod save our noble queenSend her victorious, happy and gloriousGod s...
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| A Four Letter Word |
| 2007-11-04 11:51:00 |
I was in Camden on Friday buying tickets for the Subhumans and UK Subs gigs. Starbucks was rammed and the local indie cafe I prefer was inexplicably closed. I've been using the World's End pub since the late 1980s. I don't often go into 'wet' places alone but I felt pretty okay. I went in for a fizzy water and lime and a chat about business with my companion. I can't blame my eyesight, and I can't blame booze...I went arse over tit all the way down the stairs to the male toilet. My right side is a riot of bruises. The person I was with thought it was pretty funny. You know when your pride is bruised and you've hurt yourself and you have to grin and bear it? Yup. Ouch.Dinner on Friday with Private Equity Girl's parents was fun. I had my usual anxiety around social situations and new people,...
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| The Meteors - London, 31st, October |
| 2007-10-31 05:04:00 |
See you there... THE HILLS HAVE EYES... Sober. Grateful. Good eye day. Looking forward to seeing one of my favourite bands tonight....
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| A Singleness of Purpose |
| 2007-10-30 17:50:00 |
I've been hearing at meetings, and reading online about how 'the addicts' are taking over Alcoholics Anonymous. Seems to me that this is an issue which has to be dealt with at meeting and area level.My thoughts and feelings on the program are pretty well knownI Am The Law - Big Book 'Nazis'Bill gives us some clues as to why Alcoholics Anonymous must deal with alcoholism, but can co-exist with other 12 Step programs."Problems Other Than Alcohol: What Can Be Done About Them?", Bill W, Grapevine, Feb 1958Sober. Grateful. Better eye day....
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| hAAlf nAAked Thursday |
| 2007-10-25 16:35:00 |
Now get thisLondon calling, yes, I was there, tooAn' you know what they said? Well, some of it was true!London calling at the top of the dialAnd after all this, won't you give me a smile?London CallingI never felt so much alike, like-a, like-a... ...
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| ...and then my face cracked |
| 2007-10-24 04:37:00 |
A rare picture of me sans blindboy glasses and ... I'm actually smiling! Smiling - bah! Normal service shall be resumed shortly. "We have also seen men and women who go power-mad, who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fellows. These people often throw to the winds every chance for legitimate security and a happy family life. Whenever a human being becomes a battleground for the instincts, there can be no peace."Step Four, 12+12Sober. Grateful. Best eye day for weeks....
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| Killing Joke - Paul Raven, RIP |
| 2007-10-22 13:20:00 |
Killing Joke bassist Raven diesPaul Raven, bassist with post-punk band Killing Joke,has died of a suspected heart attack aged 46.RIP Paul Raven'til the fearless come and the act is doneA love like blood, a love like bloodEveryday through all frustration and despairLove and hate fight with burning hearts'til legends live and man is god againand self-preservation rules the day no moreWe must dream of promised lands and fieldsThat never fade in seasonAs we move towards no end we learn to dieRed tears are shed on greyA love like fire, A love like blood!...
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| Kiss My Fear On the Mouth |
| 2007-10-22 02:52:00 |
"We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse."- Chapter 5, How It Works, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th EditionSober. Grateful. Ok eye day....
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| ITV - Contempt |
| 2007-10-21 11:42:00 |
I had a pleasant weekend at my dad's. Roast lamb, sport and secondhand bookshops. Wonderful.Hmm. I think my thyroid has gone a bit bonkers. I'm shaking like a leaf and feel quite unwell. Odd. I'm managing my medication for eyes and thyroid. I haven't missed any tablets.ITV programmes named and shamedBy Natalie Paris and agenciesLast Updated: 2:01pm BST 18/10/2007Auditors Deloitte investigated a total of 60 shows and found "serious editorial issues" in three - Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway, Ant and Dec's Gameshow Marathon and Soapstar Superstar. ITV programmes named and shamed'Serious Failings' With ITV Phone-InsNot only do ITV make lowest common denominator television for the fat of arse and the feeble of brain, made by morons for morons, ITV steal from their punters as well. Let's...
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| Glasgow Rangers 3 - Glasgow Celtic 0 |
| 2007-10-21 07:47:00 |
First Scotland lose and then my beloved Hoops bend over for the Huns. Not acceptable. Sort it out, Strachan. Celtic left decimated by rampant RangersRANGERS 3 Novo 28, 79 pen; Ferguson 57CELTIC 0LET'S see: a rampant Rangers complete a hat-trick of Old Firm victories for the first time in a decade, a rabble of a Celtic team finish with nine bookings and heads so hot they needed dunking in a bath of ice. Just before the end, Alan Hutton and Lee Naylor clashed on the touchline and not for the first time a row kicked-off, both goalkeepers sprinting out of their goal to get involved. Just after the end, Artur Boruc refused to shake the hand of first Barry Ferguson, then David Weir, then Lee McCulloch. Ibrox would have been ent...
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| Georgia 2 - Scotland 0 |
| 2007-10-18 08:14:00 |
Pah! Pile o' mince. Scotland revert to type and forget to turn-up. The only minor consolation is that England lost and are now in an even less favourable position for qualification than us... **continues to rant for hours**Men against boys, but the boys prove too strongAT BORIS PAICHADZE STADIUM (ggibbons@scotsman.com)THE projected march through Georgia turned into a dejected retreat last night as Scotland's heroic run in the Euro 2008 qualifying campaign collapsed.Comprehensively outplayed virtually from start to finish, Alex McLeish's side seemed finally to have succumbed to the blow of losing too many influential players.report from the Scotsman.comSober. Grateful. Good eye day....
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| Scotland 3 - Ukraine 1 |
| 2007-10-14 17:42:00 |
SCOTLAND 3 Miller 4; McCulloch 10; McFadden 68UKRAINE 1Shevchenko 24A LITTLE before 5pm the last whistle sounded and the electrifying scenes of a jubilant Hampden were replayed all over again. You can't get too much of this; the anthemic music booming out from the sound system, the bobbing in rhythm of the Scotland supporters, the happy, clappy people still dreaming the not-so-impossible dream. Scotland 3 - Ukraine 1 report from Scotsman.comOh. My. Goodness. I think my voice has just about recovered! Dare I dream..?Sober. Grateful. Right eye hurts. Boo....
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| I Am The Law - Big Book 'Nazis' |
| 2007-10-10 21:11:00 |
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. I read a great post over at Alcoholic Diary.What struck me was the term 'Big Book Nazis'. If you're in a 12 Step program, you'll know what it means.I've been called a BBN. It's the only time anyone gets away with calling me a 'Nazi' and doesn't get a smack in the teeth for their trouble.I got my (current) Big Book within a week of going to meetings in April 2004. My first copy of the Big Book was thrown off Blackfriars Bridge in late 1994 by someone who thought they knew better than AA. It was me who thought he knew better and it was me who threw the book into the Thames.By April 2004 I knew the game was up. Drink and die (I'd been told) or try another way.My moment of cl...
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| hAAlf nAAked Thursday |
| 2007-10-04 18:08:00 |
Seeing as I had dinner with Casey-Casey last night...here's one she took earlier... ...
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| This Is My Truth, Show Me Yours |
| 2007-10-04 14:45:00 |
"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is." Winston ChurchillWhen I take alcohol, I can't have "just the one". When I take alcohol, it turns me into a liar, a thief and a cheat. When I take alcohol, what I do to myself is infinitely worse than anything you, or them or life might do to me. When I take alcohol, all bets are off and the gates to (my personal) hell are wide, wide open.As unpleasant as those memories may be, it never hurts to remember what booze does to the alcoholic. The illness never has a day-off; at best, it's in remission for 24 hours, one day at a time.I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful I haven't had a drink today. I'm grateful I have that choice today. Thank you, AA.Sober. Grateful. Okay eye day....
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| Glasgow Celtic 2 - AC MIlan 1 |
| 2007-10-03 22:36:00 |
Blimey. What a day. The BlackBerry finally died on me - great product, shite hardware. I got a new laptop and Microsoft PDA thingy from work today. We've narrowed the office hunt down to three City locations. And...we've got a name! For reasons you'll understand, I can't post the name, but it's an absolute cracker.Full Time Celtic 2 - 1 AC Milan Hail! Hail!**enormous grin**Scott was right about cold showers. Lmao.Dinner with Casey-Casey earlier. And it was pleasant.Busy, busy, busy.Sober. Grateful. Good eye day. Bugger BlackBerry....
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| Don't Stop. Never Give In. Never Give In. |
| 2007-09-30 21:16:00 |
Long Joe helps re-arrange my wee sis's beautifully retro bedroom at my dad'sI had a good time at the weekend. We went to a shipping line reunion at the seaside. My dad sailed with that line for close on 40 years. I wasn't in the humour to be around alcohol, but it was a big hotel and there things to do that didn't involve being close to the bar. I was conceived on one of those ships, somewhere between the UK and Southern Africa, in the South Atlantic. meet the family. P, AM, dad and Long Joe in his carriageI have a busy and interesting week at work. I'm close to offering jobs to my first two hires. Both of them have worked for me before. Bless 'em.I was close to phoning Private Equity Girl today. I know what it is - when I get laid, it's like drink. One isn't enough. I didn't call her. It ...
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| Step Nine / Twelve & Twelve |
| 2007-09-28 13:17:00 |
"Good judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage, and prudence--these are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine. After we have made the list of people we have harmed, have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have tried to possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to proceed, we will see that the making of direct amends divides those we should approach into several classes. There will be those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we become reasonably confident that we can maintain our sobriety. There will be those to whom we can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or others more harm than good. There will be others cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the very nature of the situation we shall n...
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| The Hunger Within |
| 2007-09-27 16:05:00 |
Traditional London pie & mash & parsley liquor with lashings of chili vinegar. I 'm a growing boy and I was hungry. Yes, I ate the lot. I was too late for jellied eels, though. They'd sold out. ...
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| Addictive By Nature? |
| 2007-09-24 22:31:00 |
Click the headline for the source.Thirty five percent of the world’s population is classified as having an addictive personality. These addictive people control two thirds of the world’s wealth”.The make up of these addictive personalities is commonly found in people of notoriety, such as actors, artists, pop stars, professional sports people and the like. On the other end of the spectrum of the addictive nature is the controlling dominance of financiers, bankers, stockbrokers, and lawyers. Their addiction is channeled toward money, power, success and dominance of others in society. Two out of seven, (roughly ten percent of the population) of these will become addicted towards alcohol and drugs, it is simply in their nature.Why? The dominant trait th...
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| Smash It Up |
| 2007-09-21 14:00:00 |
"We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."p31, More About Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th EditionYup.We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.All good stuff. Click the headline for the rest of Chapter 3.Sober. Grateful. Poor eye day....
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| The Recovery Anthem [revisited] |
| 2007-09-20 23:06:00 |
Treat yourselves. Rock out. Groove to the beat of a heavier way.Click the headline for the song, or see the sidebar.Under my skin and into my bonesI feel insanity begin to make its homeInto my vision and through my mouthSomebody's working me to get me all strung outIt's all right, It's all rightIt's all right I'm just a little crazyIt's all right, It's all rightIt's all right I'm just a little crazyThere goes my reasonWhere's all my hope?I'm just a puppet; pull my strings to make me copeI'm seeing nothing; what's all this noise?Will someone get me something just to get me through...It's all right, It's all rightIt's all right I'm just a little crazyIt's all right, It's all rightIt's all right I'm just a little crazy...
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| hAAlf nAAked Thursday |
| 2007-09-20 17:27:00 |
"Be kind in thought and word and deed!" So said my first sponsor. Word and deed I'm getting pretty good at. Be kind in thought? It's a major work-in-progress, believe me. Can I make it through today without putting my foot in it..? ...
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| Insanity, Institutions, Prison & Death |
| 2007-09-19 17:58:00 |
20. You have awakened with an overwhelming feeling that you should go back and apologize... but you don't remember where.Yup.This week a friend of mine was sentenced to six years in prison. I've known the guy ten years. He's worked for me on three occasions. He stabbed his partner seven times and slashed her face. She's had to have some fairly serious plastic surgery. Of all my friends and acquaintances, he wouldn't have made the list of Top 100 guys I know who might end up doing time.When he was found by the police and ambulance crew with his own wrists slit, he couldn't remember attacking her. He was drunk. He isn't an alcoholic. There but the grace of god..."A lot of AA is about growing up and being responsible. Drunks tend to be pretty self-centered an...
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| A House of Cards |
| 2007-09-18 11:57:00 |
Ok. So we don't have any Discharge fans round these parts. I don't know - you people ought to try playing some really loud; especially if you hate your neighbours.The 'system' isn't working? We live in a global economy built on debt. Mainly US and European debt. House of cards. A house of cards."When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."p64, How It Works, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th EditionSober. Grateful. Good eye day....
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| The Scots Invade - Tartan Army On Tour |
| 2007-09-13 20:45:00 |
Makes me shiver and tingle - the Pipe Band starts in at 1m 36 secs.O Fhlùir na h-Alba,cuin a chì sinnan seòrsa laoicha sheas gu bàs 'sonam bileag feòir is fraoich,a sheas an aghaidhfeachd uailleil Iomhair's a ruaig e dhachaidhair chaochladh smaoin?See below for the link to THAT goal!Alba!Sober. Grateful. Good eye day....
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| France 0 - Scotland 1 |
| 2007-09-13 17:17:00 |
Magnificent. Incredible. We live in the age of miracles.To try to give my North American readers some colour to this - Scotland beating France at football (soccer) would be like Iraq beating the USA at baseball or American Football or basketball. Once in a lifetime...One of greatest results ever, says McLeishDaniel Taylor at Parc des PrincesThursday September 13, 2007The Guardian It was, in Alex McLeish's words, one of the finest results in the history of international football. "We have stood up against a great French team and made our own nation very happy," said the Scotland manager after a victory that leaves his side as the improbable leaders of Group B going into the final three qualifying matches. "It needed brav...
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| Step 3 |
| 2007-09-07 20:32:00 |
"...we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion."How It Works, pg. 60, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th EditionStill sober. Still grateful. Eyes are blue and lookin at you. Good eye day, mostly....
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| Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est? |
| 2007-09-07 17:23:00 |
Click the headline for a live version of the song.I was sent the result of the psychometric tests I did yesterday. I thought y'all might like to read them. You folks mostly know me through my blog and, let's face it, it's been a whine-fest for a while.I'm not surprised at the content. It seems a reasonably accurate description of me -ENTJAssertive and outspoken - they are driven to lead. Excellent ability to understand difficult organizational problems and create solid solutions. Intelligent and well-informed, they usually excel at public speaking. They value knowledge and competence, and usually have little patience with inefficiency or disorganization.Portrait of an ENTJ - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging(Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Intuition)-----------------------------...
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| Gasoline For Breakfast |
| 2007-09-04 21:02:00 |
Lots and lots to tell. No time right now. I'm away to the north of England. I'll be back by Friday. See you all then. I look forward to catching up on your news.Oh Yeah!I'm running hotI'm running hotI'm running hotter and hotter and hotterAs the years go by I can't deny the flame that burns inside meMany times I wonder why I still act the same waySomething burning inside, I get hotter and hotterGot green lights standing in my wayHotter and hotter, hotter and hotter, hotter and hotter,Oh Yeah!I refuse, I refuseTo standing around being abusedI'm already gone when you turn your headDon't point your finger of blameYou see me burning like the sun in your eyesAnd you want to slow down but I just have to flyI'm hotter and hotter and hotter and hotter as the days go onNo need, no need to ever burn...
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| ANTIFA Benefit - Cable Street Beat |
| 2007-09-04 15:11:00 |
ANTIFA will be holding this year's Cable Street gig on Saturday, 6th October at Chats Palace, Hackney. Live bands, DJs and the usual rock 'n' roll madness.The Battle of Cable Street - 1936Even if you're unable to take the fight to the fascists on the streets of the UK but would like to show your support for Antifa and its aims, come along and bring your friends!Click the headline for the Antifa website, or -AntifaAntifa is a collective of militant anti-fascists committed to opposing the rise of the far-right in Britain and abroad. We believe in the 'no platform' philosophy and the tradition of fighting fascism/racism stretching back to Cable Street, Red Lion Square, Lewisham, and Waterloo. We are a network of various organi...
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| The 12 Steps |
| 2007-09-03 12:57:00 |
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong pro...
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| In the City of the Dead |
| 2007-09-01 20:21:00 |
I had a wee bit of time on Friday to sit and watch people walking through the City (London's Wall Street). Friday in the City is traditionally called POET'S Day (Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday). I was sat close to a bar I used to use. I looked at the lads in their Friday dress down 'smart-but-casual' clothes (barf), red-faced and sweaty from the ale and/or powders and I tried to remember what it was like and what I was like.I saw AM + P + P2 and Long Joe for a wee while today. And then I had a bit of service to do - I made it but no thanks to the crumbling infrastructure that is our neglected railway system.We're a tiny island floating off the coast of Europe. We're the fifth wealthiest nation on the plant. And we have a third world infrastructure. Grea...
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| Please Wait Until Your Name Is Called |
| 2007-08-31 14:57:00 |
I had an interesting detour this morning. During the fight (see Recovery Road: Rise Above), as well as the handle coming off, my satchel got ripped. I didn't notice until well after the event. Some of my medication must have fallen out.**sighs**I spent a happy few hours at A&E (ER in N.America) waiting to see an endocrinologist before an emergency prescription could be authorised. I have my drugs now. My thyroid and my eyes are very happy. Lol.I went to the same hospital I was treated at in February for a steroid crisis. It was odd being back there. Those four days were amongst the most frightening of my life. I started losing my vision on Saturday afternoon and was pretty much blind by Sunday lunchtime.If steroids are taken for a long time, the body stops producing its own steroid hor...
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| Rise Above |
| 2007-08-29 16:28:00 |
I had my final interview/meeting with my preferred potential employer. It was two hours of basically being kicked around and asked questions which bordered on hostile. Hmm. I hope I hear something either way before the weekend. It's out of my hands now. I've done what I can.Guess what? Someone tried to mug me yesterday. I'm fine, I can't say the same for him. I think he got a shock when I took him to pieces. He'll have woken this morning with a little something to remember me by.....which inevitably brings me to what it has done to my head. Violence, people and situations, were an accepted part and parcel of my drinkingSome of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening...A Visi...
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