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| Moody's mood for love |
| 2008-02-14 21:07:00 |
Usually on this occasion designed to play on the emotions of the unattached, I spend the day curled up in bed with a pint full of pistachio gelato in one hand and a remote trained on Bridget Jones's Diary in the other. However in the '08, I'm taking a different approach. Maybe it's the arctic thaw of my last love affair gone bad that's finally dissipating ever so slowly, but the premise of facing the post-ides of February without wanting to reaching for sauvignon blanc to soothe a splintered ego counts as progress. So, maybe hope really does spring eternal. If Gary Coleman of all people can get hit with Cupid's arrow in between shifts at the Fox Hills Mall, who am I to write off romance completely?So rather than pity the lucky lasses who'll be getting crimso...
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| Get up, get out and do something |
| 2008-02-04 11:40:00 |
If you live in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, California or any of the other 22 states that are holding primaries and caucuses tomorrow, please get out there and let your voice be heard. I hope you'll consider picking Barack Obama as the Democratic nominee for the 44th United States Presidency. There's a golden opportunity within our grasp. We can finally have a major impact in choosing this party's nomination. Let's not let it go to waste.Weighing the choice before us isn't merely boiled down to identity box demographics. It's whether we choose to take a step forward with a clean slate or regress back to the entrenched politics of the status quo.The only endorsement that really matters is the one you give when you go into the voting booth. Nevertheless, if a respected voice gives a co...
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| On any given Sunday |
| 2008-02-03 22:33:00 |
"I came in like a lamb. But I intend to leave like a lion..." - Sade, Bullet Proof SoulAnd how fucking sweet it is. After 17 long years of wandering in the wilderness of championship draught, New York is back at the top of the pigskin heap. Baseball remains my first love, but I can't front like I wasn't yelling from the top of my lungs and running around my living room as if the spirit of Jeff Hostetler was hovering over U. of Phoenix Stadium. On a personal note (the team used to be one of my corporate accounts), I was so proud to see the classy tributes to both Wellington Mara & Robert Tisch. The first time in a long time that the tagline "don't believe the hype" need not apply. I'm still trying to decide which will rank highest on my highlight reel for Super Bowl XLII. Among them wi...
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| Lift every voice and sing |
| 2008-02-02 15:43:00 |
Talk about campaigning in poetry. While Britney Spears is bouncing around a padded room in the latest chapter of her ongoing march to Crazytown, it's almost heartwarming to see bleeding-heart camera hogs channeling their star power for a common purpose. Inspired by Barack Obama's New Hampshire concession speech, an all-star lineup headlined by Black Eyed Peas frontman will.i.am have joined together in a 4-minute music video set to those very words.It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.Yes, we can. It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom through the darkest of nights.Yes, we can.It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving ...
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| The vagina demagogues |
| 2008-01-31 10:33:00 |
"There's absolutely no reason why a woman shouldn't be in that office, but I am not sure about this woman. It's insulting to assume that because you're a woman or a person of color, you would automatically back any woman or person of color. It's a little more complicated." - Susan Sarandon, TimeTo which do I pledge allegiance first, my ovaries or my complexion? It's a question to which many women of color have been struggling with for decades while looking through the narrow prism of conventional feminism. As for me, it never was a question as to which took priority and reading misguided opinion pieces from the likes of Gloria Steinem and Erica Jong only reinforced why I don't bother hedging my bets in the name of "sisterhood."One of the strategic fallacies of second-wave feminism was the ...
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| Fired up, Teddy to go |
| 2008-01-29 11:34:00 |
2008 is a much more complex and dangerous time than was 1960. Technology alone has made the world a vastly different place. A bombshell endorsement from both Caroline and Ted will not reincarnate John F. Kennedy as Barack Obama or rekindle the yesteryear of Camelot.Nevertheless, it still remains quite a historic distinction and the largest direct investment of the Kennedy clan's political capital that the Democratic party has ever seen.Something special is going on right now and this could be just the tip of the iceberg.
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| The revolution won't be microwaved |
| 2008-01-28 09:37:00 |
"The restoration of the Clintons to the White House would trigger a new wave of all-out political warfare. That is not all Bill and Hillary's fault - but it exists, whomever you blame, and cannot be ignored. Hillary Clinton doesn't pretend that it won't happen - she simply vows to persevere, in the hope that her side can win. Indeed, the Clinton's joint career in public life seems oriented toward securing victory and personal vindication." - The State, January 22, 2008It's a testament of how the utter disaster that is the Bush administration can make me lose sight of why the second-term incarnation of the Hil & Bill show left such a bitter taste in my mouth. They alternate between prickly and sleazy while spreading cherry picked disinformation about their opponents as the gospel. It do...
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| Decrying sheeple of the blah-blah sisterhood |
| 2008-01-26 20:52:00 |
"I've been married to my wife for 10 years. But if she came up here, you wouldn't laugh." - Chris RockIf at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and cry again. Or claim to have found your voice after 35 years of public service only to leave the heavy lifting to your attack dog of a husband who also happens to be the 42nd President of the United States. Make your running platform a nod to experience and competence when you're clearly lacking in both areas. Anyone who claims politics isn't one helluva tragicomedy clearly hasn't been paying attention to the Democratic race for the Oval Office.This whole process felt like déjà vu to me, as if I'd seen the trailer for this long before. The gratingly annoying overachiever who felt as if her coronation was inevitable only to see t...
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| Rhapsody in big blue |
| 2008-01-21 11:08:00 |
Being a Big Apple sports fan has been tough this past year. The Yankees suffered another disappointing exit in the postseason, the Mets crashed and burned before even making it there and the Knicks aren't worth bringing into the discussion. But just in time to swing a wrecking ball square in the hopes of fantasy football fans, the New York Giants are headed to the Super Bowl. It's hard to decide what's sweeter: putting an end to the never ending blowjob given season long to Brett Favre courtesy of the media or having the chance to derail perfection in New England. Talking heads kept picking against them, but if they only heeded the advice of Zamunda's royalty — the end result wouldn't have been a surprise to the odds makers. Onward to Phoenix!
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| Sixpence none the wiser |
| 2008-01-20 11:29:00 |
January 20, 2008 — Restructure your life from top to bottom. Throw out everything that no longer serves a purpose and in doing so make room for new and more valuable things to come in. You were born on the cusp of conservative Capricorn and radical Aquarius but you must lean more to the latter this year.There are the types of personalities who get fixated on particular times of year. For some it may be Christmas with an overload of holly and ivy to make even Santa seem like public enemy #1. Or maybe Halloween is the obsession of choice with full fledged jack o'lantern excess. For me? Ever since I was old enough to remember, it was all about the natal day. Not like I needed an extra excuse to focus my OCD for a good cause, but it was just plain fun. Planning my beauty appointments and...
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| Beauty in the breakdown |
| 2008-01-19 22:55:00 |
"Drink up baby downAre you in or are you out?Leave your things behind'Cause it's all going off without youExcuse me too busy you're writing a tragedyThese mess-ups you bubble-wrapWhen you've no idea what you're like..." - Frou Frou, Let GoIt's been said that you should be careful what you wish for... because you just might get it. And as I tend do with most proverbs and parables, I rolled my eyes and whipped myself right back into a stubborn frenzy, high off my own ignorance. Well, one truism in life is that a hard head makes for a soft ass. And 2007 was one motherfucker of a learning curve.I used to spend countless hours sitting at my desk gazing out at the Brooklyn Bridge, wishing I could blink twice, ending up back home in my PJ's so I could be free to bullshit online without the threat...
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| Reading the tea leaves |
| 2007-02-24 14:23:00 |
Everybody's got their something when it comes to making a friendly wager. And while March Madness is a couple weeks away, I'm getting the jump early with my annual bid to score some bucks on the side: the office Oscar pool. Now when it comes to predicting the winners, I can afford to toot my own horn for a change since I remain undefeated for the past 4 years. This time around, there's the obvious frontrunners in the lead acting categories... but sorting out who will reign triumphant has been perplexing me all week long. AMPAS could go misty-eyed, opting for Peter O'Toole and leave Forest Whitaker fumbling towards incoherance. Abigail Breslin could turn J-Hud's Cinderella carriage into a pumpkin, or Clint Eastwood may send Martin Scorsese home empty handed again after all. Do I sip from th...
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| What's love got to do with it? |
| 2007-02-14 06:16:00 |
Just when I was perfecting my sick cough to avoid the day personally set aside to make the self-esteem of singletons plummet everywhere, here comes Old Man Winter to the rescue. Thank heavens for snow days. Being saved from a hit parade of Godiva boxes, teddy bears and long-stemmed bouquets while the blissfully spoken for's compare greeting cards is just what the doctor ordered. If you couldn't tell already, I loathe Valentine's Day with a passion. Well, perhaps resent is a less bitter alternative. I resent the emphasis placed on celebrating romance on demand. Particularly with the creatively challenged who could whip up heart-shaped pancakes with a side of flavored condoms any old day of the week, but only bother with straining strawberry seeds once a year because it's par for the course....
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| Whistling to the tune of Dixie |
| 2007-02-12 12:53:00 |
Ah yes, the Grannys... that annual tradition of the record industry straining to spin "legendary" moments from sow's asses, as the business itself sinks deeper into the downward spiral of oblivion. CD sales are tumbling. Record stores are closing. Labels keep merging, employees keep getting put on the chopping block and the whiz-kid execs hired to turn fortunes around walk away with sweetheart bonus clauses. The evidence is mounting and yet no one can stop the bleeding. Until Neil Portnow comes on to do his "illegal download deterrent" monologue. Nero's warming up the ol' fiddle, indeed.The show has actually tried to enter the 21st century with the rest of us as it's finally acknowledged the existence of Black musicians under the age of AARP membership. But for every small step made (Van H...
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| Heaven must be like this |
| 2007-02-01 17:56:00 |
One of the most famous mantras uttered by Caribbean matriarchs everywhere has to do with extolling the virtues of drinking a warm cup of something in the A.M. "You must break that gas in yuh stomach, gyul," is without question in my top 5 of most echoed phrases heard ad infinitum since childhood.But I'm not a tea sippin'-kinda broad.So I fall into "grab-whatever's-closest-in-the-fridge" mode rather than attempting to decipher the difference between green, black or chamomile, much to the chagrin of Mommie Dearest. But it's been colder than a witch's tit lately and I've fallen prey to a sweet treat specifically marketed to chase the arctic chill away.Although they rival only Duane Reade for pavement supremacy and location convenience, I have to admit that Dunkin' Donuts never really did it for me. Sure, those fruity coolattas are a quick fix during the dog days of summer, but who's checking for that now? On average, I find their coffee mediocre and their donuts staler than the produce section at C-Town. But their white hot chocolate is on some next level shit. For those old enough to reminisce with me, remember Nestle's Alpine White bars? After becoming an endangered species (and I was left to hum the "sweet dreams you can't resist" hook when watching Dirty Dancing on VHS in memoriam), I was always on the hunt for an alternative. It only took almost 20 years, but be still my saccharine addicted heart. The taste of DD's winter picker-upper perfectly captures the taste of yesteryear melted into a Styrofoam cup. So rich, so creamy, so calorie-laden, so affordable, so addictive. Cheating on Starbucks never felt so good.
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| If you can't stand the heat.... |
| 2007-01-31 18:23:00 |
...then stay out of this spoiler. If you're hopelessly addicted to the guilty pleasure that is Bravo's Top Chef like yours truly, it definitely takes more than paprika to make you cry. So a minor detail like an inconsequential leak that can't be attributed to the Bush administration should be par for the course, right? Now that we're winding down to Part 2 of the grand finale that has already been mired by last-ditch allegations of cheating, Food & Wine magazine has put the exclamation point on a second season that will live in rerun infamy.A minimum wager who now joins me on the unemployment line in F&W's public relations laid the mother of all goose eggs, "accidentally" leaking an online feature which inexplicably revealed who the big winner was before Bravo even had a chance to aggravate us all again with more product placement ads before the commercial break. Somehow I get the feeling Gail Simmons offered to use the culprit as a blood sacrifice. Does this put a damper on being excited for seeing the final cookoff in the comfort of my own bedroom with Haagen-Dazs as my companion? Hell to the no. My TiVo is programmed and ready to roll.Just as long as Padma Lakshmi does in fact utter the melodious phrase of "please pack your knives and go" to Wolverine boy here... I'm good.EDIT: The cat was already out the bag, but I still had a twinge of apprehension to make sure that the web rumblings did indeed come to pass. Maybe it was the Suriname cherries or the macadamia nut gazpacho with moi which sealed the deal, but yes Virginia, there is still justice on contrived cooking competitions. Two seasons in, two New Yorkers taking the crown. Congrats Ilan!
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| A tip of the scales |
| 2007-01-25 11:30:00 |
Hell hath no fury like a supermodel scorned. Remember those unflattering paparazzi photos of her royal fivehead in Australia that hit the internet a couple of weeks ago and it seemed the self-fulfilling prophecy of following in Grandma Winfrey's swollen feet had come to pass? Well, Thigh-ra was surely making her shit list and checking it twice. Which explains the latest publicity stunt in her greatest hits of attention whore syndrome, never missing out on an opportunity to fire back at those meanie buckets (read: bloggers) who made fun of her for making repeat trips to the Sizzler lunch buffet."It was such a strange meanness and rejoicing that people had," she says in People's next issue, on stands Friday. The magazine says she believes the photos were snapped at an unflattering angle. (Sh...
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| All that glitters gets you a gold statue |
| 2007-01-23 13:03:00 |
"Everybody comes to HollywoodThey wanna make it in the neighborhoodThey like the smell of it in HollywoodHow could it hurt you when it looks so good..." - MadonnaThe Academy Awards are the pièce de résistance of the awards season, where everyone involved in the film industry sits in a big room, pretends to be interested in riveting categories like Best Sound Editing and wonders how many Santeria offerings does it take to keep Jennifer Lopez perpetually RSVP'd. All in the name of a bedraggled golden gigolo who's banged any and every sleaze that's had money, given out countless, totally undeserved mercy fucks, and occasionally rubbed elbows with the truly worthy. The time has finally arrived for eager Oscar hopefuls to be roused from slumber, groggy...
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| Just like frosting on my cake |
| 2007-01-20 08:52:00 |
"Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this lifeTrying to make ends meetYou're a slave to money then you die..." - The VerveWhen life gives you lemons, you're expected to whip up a batch of Country Time, but in my case I'd prefer Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. Whoever said you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth clearly wasn't referring to a pink slip handed down a mere 48 hours from a birthday. Or fighting off a sinus infection that's hampered me for the past 2 weeks only to wind up battling a head cold all over again. Or adding onto the ever-growing tally of "people who can go fuck themselves." But these are the days of the my so-called life. Going through an endless obstacle course of setbacks and disappointments almost make me lose sight of what I was raised to have birthdays mean to me from back in the day. Not extravagant theme parties, not poppin' bottles in a club, not ego stroking from the amount of RSVP's I can rack up on Evite. It all comes back to being grateful to make it through another year. Counting my blessings never seemed so passe, but in spite of the hurdles, there's a few things I still have to be thankful for. My health (or what's left of it), a loving, supportive mom and a roof over my head ranking at the top of the list.Happy birthday, Aquarius! Nothing is too much trouble for those you love. There's no question you don't even need to think about going the extra mile for them. However, this year it's time to be the star and focus on raising your own level of popularity within the world. To do this, ask for the support of those closest and there will be no limit on how high you can reach.Astrologers have about as much credibility as ambulance chasing legal eagles, but in this case, what's the harm in taking a page from Casey Kasem? My birthday wish is to keep my feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.
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| Hook, line & sinker |
| 2007-01-18 12:10:00 |
"Traveling I only stop at exitsWondering if I'll stayYoung and restlessLiving this way I stress lessI want to pull away when the dream diesThe pain sets in and I don't cryI only feel gravity and I wonder why..." - Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come To An End)How to succeed in business without really trying? Well, you've got to have more than a little Mel Gibson in you. And I don't mean of the drunken, anti-Semitic variety (although I'm sure the suits & ties higher up the food chain save that horseplay for the confines of their respective country clubs), but an all-consuming, almost pathological bloodlust. To worship red tape slashes with the fervor of Hollywood execs dumping third-rate horror flicks into theaters during the dead of January. Once you get in touch with your inner Apocaly...
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| While you were lunching |
| 2007-01-12 19:37:00 |
One of my favorite things about living and commuting in New York is the importance placed on keeping the entertainment commissions rolling. At any given time, you could run into a famous face in the most familiar place. Having the city stand tall as an prominent (but unscripted) character to the bulk of what dominates the big and small screens lends an immediate authenticity you can't recreate on some articifial backlot in Lalaland or staying within a budget in Canada. And while tasty tidbits courtesy of Page Six, Rush & Malloy and Gatecrasher are the perfect side dish to my A.M. Sausage McMuffin, usually the scenery picks stay confined to the famous trademarks (i.e. Rockefeller Center, Times Square, Central Park) or the trendier areas in the Village, Chelsea or SoHo. Rarely, and I do mean...
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| Caffeine and cigarettes |
| 2007-01-08 13:19:00 |
Why everything that’s supposed to bad makes me feel so good?Everything they told me not to is exactly what I wouldMan, I tried to stop manI tried the best I could...What's your addiction? My working list of weaknesses are far too long to mention with chocolate, Camembert, co-dependent relationships and Chloe leather mary janes near the top of the Kryptonite dosage heap. Lately, I've fallen off the wagon of nicotine aversion (chalk it up to the Super Black Woman suit and cape I've been donning since taking on a heavier workload) and actually going to bed at a decent hour. And the tell tale dark circles are wreaking havoc. However, the silver lining to this bit of self-inflicted abuse is I've been managing to catch up on a TV show that I can't believe I've neglected for this long...It's b...
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| C'mon homie, we major! |
| 2007-01-04 18:14:00 |
"Now there was a time when they used to sayThat behind every great manThere had to be a great womanBut in these times of change, you knowThat it's no longer trueSo we're comin' out of the kitchen'Cause there's somethin' we forgot to say to youWe say... sisters are doin' it for themselves."The times they are a-changin'. Every conservatives nightmare has just come to pass. The Jezebel who represents the liberals playground that is San Francisco's Haight-Ashbury is just a mere two indictments away from the Oval Office. But when Nancy Pelosi took her oath as Speaker of the House and used that inaugural opportunity to imbue the event with tales from the apron strings, out came the claws from the right, left and those in between. Here was the highest-ranked woman ever to achieve elected office i...
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| Things that make you go... whoops! |
| 2007-01-02 18:36:00 |
Okay, so you know how I announced that I was jumping ship and packing up the paddywagon for greener pastures? Ummm... scratch that from your consciousness and let's call the whole thing off... mmkay? The reasons which explains in a nutshell why my big plans are derailed yet again begins with the standby Negro faithful... "see what had happened was..."I figured end-of-year was the perfect time to embark on turning the page and starting anew, but it helps to actually do that when you have a web designer who works on a realistic schedule as opposed to a lackey who ends up bucking for Best Bullshit Artist in a Supporting Role because they can't function outside of CP time. I can deal with being banished to a waiting list, but time is money and sitting on the sidelines while I wait another 3 months for everything to be ready is nothing short of blog euthanasia. So, I'm gonna ride this happy bunny's ears till the wheels fall off. Or whenever I decide to mosey on over to Barnes & Noble for a long-overdue copy of the idiot's guide to cooking up my own template. I'm clicking my red patent Louboutins thrice in mock defeat... there's no place like home.
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| Anywhere but Times Square... |
| 2007-01-01 00:06:00 |
Yesterday I made the mistake of trying to walk down 42nd Street right as the calm was edging closer towards a confetti frenzied storm. Suffice to say, I did not make the same mistake twice tonight. I've mixed so many kir royales for myself since 9:00 that the cassis is oozing out my pores, so I won't run the risk of lapsing into my usual bout of word nazi-isms since I'm hitting the keyboard like a letter a minute as it is. Just like the blinking stars say, happy 2007 everyone!
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| After the sunset |
| 2006-12-31 16:31:00 |
It's hard to believe that yet another year has flown by quicker than I can translate "Feliz Año Nuevo" into French. And as the remnants of 2006 float out of memory and into the history books, I've decided to pack it up for my final curtain call...Silly wabbits! I'm far too entrenched into this online addiction thing to give up blogging entirely, especially since my laptop's holding on for dear life with Scotch tape and paper clips. But... I *am* relocating Just Another Girl On The IRT to another web hosting service. Blogger jumped the shark into 3rd-season-of-Lost-like proportions and the beta transition merged into my prior template is about as compatible as a Palestinian/Jewish dating service. It's time to take this show on the road.The new site isn't fully functional yet (who would've known that exporting old posts would be such a pain in the ass?), but it's almost ready to be unveiled. To those who know who you are, expect to get an e-mail from me with the details. And not forgetting the 5 people out there who constitute my regular reading audience, check back here within the next few days for the forwarding address before the imminent Mission: Impossible-lite self destruction. In the meantime, I extend a sincere wish to all my fellow writers, lurkers and passers-by: here's to a happy & healthy 2007. Catch ya'll on the flip side.
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| All things bright and beautiful |
| 2006-12-14 16:33:00 |
I hardly ever do random picture posts, but I can't help but be suckered into taking the trusty Sony Cybershot out of storage to get click happy around this time of year. Take for example these gorgeous poinsettias from my office lobby. Hell, half the time I don't even stop to notice whether the poor squeegie cleaners are in my way as I barrel through Starbucks in one hand, handbag & two newspapers in the other. But sometimes it pays to stop and smell the holly & ivy.Of course the Christmas tree in the middle of South Street Seaport is no Rockefeller Center, but considering the utter death wish Midtown is looking like, I'll take downtown Manhattan for $200, Alex. The roving photog will be adding more editions to this as the 12 days of Xmas tick down to the final days. Stay tuned...
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| The nighttime sniffling sneezing coughing aching fever entry |
| 2006-12-12 12:44:00 |
Mother Nature's a fucking bitch. There's no other way to get around it. How else to explain when the weather's still so unseasonably mild in mid-December and my open toed Miu Miu slingbacks are mocking me from the closet door since I'm sitting on the bench when it comes to getting my devil wears Malandrino on around the office. When my temples feel like Matthew McConaughey's playing bongos with an extended encore all night and day, the last thing I wanna do is get all dolled up. So here I am, wallowing in self-pity, sinuses in full on rush hour gridlock and my hair's stuck resembling something that got caught in a drain.I. Can. Not. Be. Sick. Now. I haven't even put together a rough draft of an Xmas list. Gotta risk spraining a ligament to get icicle lights perfectly symmetrical around my ...
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| There's something about Mary |
| 2006-12-08 17:34:00 |
If, as has been said, one can gauge the health of the industry by the quality of the Grammys, it's far past time to write the obituary of popular music as a means of mass communication.In all seriousness, how are the Grammy Awards truly relevant in this day and age? Maybe in the pre-iTunes era, when everyone had the same outlet for music — making mixtapes courtesy of timing the pause button just right from the radio and showing up on record release Tuesdays. I'm not playing the I-hate-all-music-that's-popular über snob card, but isn't that who profits the most from payola nominations? It's a foregone conclusion that those nominated aren't really the best out there. It's just weird that in spite of the biz limping on into the sunset, the Grannies still managed to stick around in exis...
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| Reunited and it feels so good |
| 2006-12-08 16:37:00 |
Who says you can't go home again? It took 3 years to do, but the Yankee brass has finally righted a wrong that shouldn't have ever happened to begin with. That intense glare from the mound. The John Travolta chin cleft. That cutter which baffled batters in the postseason. Ah, what a trip down memory lane. Welcome back, Andy. Oh yeah, and try convincing the Rocket to make his way back to the Bronx as well.
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| Cluck if you buck |
| 2006-12-06 23:20:00 |
"Sisters get respect, bitches get what they deserveSisters work hard, bitches work your nervesSisters hold you down, bitches hold you upSisters help you progress, bitches will slow you upSisters cook up a meal, play their role with the kidsBitches in the street with their nose in your bizSisters tell the truth, bitches tell liesSisters drive cars, bitches wanna ride...Sisters tell you quick "you better check your homie"Bitches don't give a fuck, they wanna check for your homieSisters love Jay cuz they know how 'Hov isI love my sisters, I don't love no bitch..." - Jay-ZWhen I decided to air out my utter disgust over the whole Superhead quagmire, I didn't think I'd still be getting residual clicks from people searching for any trace of dirt this long after the fact. But then again, this is t...
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| Jeers and loathing in Las Vegas |
| 2006-12-06 17:13:00 |
Far be it from me to give these two tramps credit for anything, but Paris Hilton and Britney Spears certainly had the right idea by bailing on Monday night's 2006 Billboard Music Awards. if you missed it, consider yourself spared by the clusterfuck of mediocrity. So the show already on a wing and prayer when it came to public interest went hostless last night, save for occasional voiceover from the the Mr. Moviefone school of TV announcers. On the plus side, that meant that the Bill-bored Music Awards could just concentrate on the music. On the negative side, that also meant that the Bill-bored Music Awards could just concentrate on the music. It's bad enough that they're dished out to the retail darlings who dominated the charts all year, so even a deaf-mute could predict the results long...
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| One yodled over the cuckoo's nest |
| 2006-12-05 09:02:00 |
Is there another pop superstar who blurs the lines between mega-watt likability and platinum blond vacuousness with as much joie de vivre as Gwen Stefani? Try as I might in vain to hate her, but the truth is, I love her and all the blissful band camp dorkiness that she encompasses. Well, at the least, I can settle on our relationship skewing love/hate because she makes being utterly annoying the car wreck I can't help but rubberneck for a peek.Case in point: Lead single "Wind It Up", championed by frat girls coast to coast who've had one too many shots of Jagrmeister and should be in a taxi on their way to bed but instead choose to channel their inner Coyote Ugly for passed out bar patrons instead. As radio singles go, it's an absurd-sounding concoction that lederhosens to the brink of utt...
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| A fever I can't sweat out |
| 2006-12-04 14:35:00 |
Okay, so I'm probably gonna get my platinum hag pass revoked for admitting that I just can't fully grasp the whole Beyoncé thing. Pretty in the conventional Black Barbie sense, check. Above average chops, check. Overrated, check. I already hear the angry stampede of bitter twinks in the offing ready to stab me with a Bandolino heel for daring to disparage of Our Lady of Knowles. Nowadays you can't swing a Fendi purse without knocking over four bottoms who'll scratch your eyes out for throwing shade to the diva-in-training who single handedly made the Bedazzler relevant again. But I'll take my chances.She's the kind of artist that I want to like, but I just can't bring myself to actually drinking the laced Kool-Aid and succumbing to the madness. I mean, the whole all-girl backing band ...
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| Because closed legs don't get fed |
| 2006-12-03 20:54:00 |
Charlotte: Is it so much to ask that you not wear your dress up around your "see you next Tuesday?"Samantha: My what?Charlotte: (drawing characters in the air): C - U - Next...Carrie: Tuesday? Oh my God! Was that a Schoolhouse Rock I missed?A day without a Britney Spears fuck up is like trying to keep a Kennedy from open water. Despite being a singer who hasn't released a new album in 3 years, people still talk about her now more than ever. In the media-dominated, starfucking shithole our society's come to, that old adage rings more true now than it ever has been... no publicity is bad publicity. Just when you thought the Access Hollywood generation couldn't possibly sink twenty-somethings any lower, we've now reached a new low. Twat is the new black. Oh, how I long for the innocent age of...
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| Oh the weather outside is frightful... |
| 2006-12-01 12:17:00 |
However, lunch takeout is so delightful... (I'm going Mexican to wind down the work week, if you even care.) In spite of the skyline resembling a snapshot of Hades outside my office window, the pressure systems have to be working voodoo over the Eastern seaboard. My brother's practically buried alive over in Colorado with the pummeling the Midwest has taken, yet the thermostat is flirting with 70° here in the city. Can't remember the last time I've needed to keep my desk fan on through November.For the Angelenos on the Left Coast, seeing folks stroll around in 3" miniskirts and Ugg boots and little else is relatively normal this time of year. But not on December first in New York! Here we are, ready to barrel into the heart of my favorite season full throttle and I've gotta contend with a tasteful way to peel off layers short of sitting in my cube half naked. Needless to say, I'm not pleased. Will the assholes who think global warming is junk science and basically spit on the impending clusterfuck of Antartica slip sliding into Dorney Park please go kill themselves?Al Gore, please keep those frequent flyer miles handy to continue spreading the word. They ain't trying to hear you.
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