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| Articles about Drunk |
| Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire- Omega Drunk On The Blood Of Alpha(2008) | | 2008-08-29 13:56:00 | | Artist - Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest FireAlbum - Omega Drunk On The Blood Of AlphaYear - 2008Genre - Deathgrind / MetalcoreWeb - http://www.myspace.com/clingingtothetreesofaforestfireCountry - Denver Colorado USATracklist:1. Red Lamb2. Black Ram3. Eyes of Wolves, Flesh of God4. Viaticum5. 7 Seals6. Velveteen Walls7. Turning Man Against His Brother, Until Man Exists No More8. 7 Trumpets9. Chrysalis10. Furnace in the SkyDownload/Descargar''amazing, really good shit '' | | By: The Last Disaster! | | |
| | Drunk Animals in Africa | | 2008-08-24 10:31:16 | | A classic - why is it fun to see animals and sometimes people being totally wasted?
Video Link: Drunk Elephants and Stuff
- More Random Good Videos | | By: Random Good Stuff | | |
| | Drunk Dog Headed for Betty Ford Clinic | | 2008-08-13 09:27:13 | | Breed: Party Dawg
Location: Houston, Texas
Caption : What do you do when you come home from work and find your dog sprawled out on the couch totally inebriated? Call the Betty Ford Clinic, take him to Alcoholics Anonymous or just look for a Friend of Bill W for some assistance? Whatever [...] | | By: LolDawgz - Dog Humor | | |
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| Win Street-Fights And Martial Arts Competitions...By Getting Drunk! | | 2008-08-13 03:00:01 | | Win Street-Fights And Martial Arts Competitions...By Getting Drunk! was written by Matt Numrich from jkdondvd.comThere are some 30 different martial arts and self defense styles, philosophies and disciplines I teach in my street-fighting classes and seminars.Each of these moves and skills are extremely simple, fast and easy to learn, no matter how big, small, fat, skinny, smart or slow a person is.But by far, the most unorthodox of all these different fighting tactics -- the one people actually | | By: Boxing - Fighting Center | | |
| | Adult Jokes - 3 Drunk men | | 2008-08-10 07:52:24 | | These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.The first guy said, ''''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''''The second guy said, ''''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''''The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''''Then the first guy said, ''''No -- you guys don''t understand! Chunks is my dog!"
| | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Too drunk | | 2008-07-26 03:54:27 | | An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says,
“No way, buddy, you’re too drunk.”
A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom. Again he slurs, “Give me a drink,” and the bartender says, “No, man, I told you last time — you’re too drunk”
Five [...] | | By: Encyclopedia of Humor | | |
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| Drunk Moose on the Loose! Justice is Swift and Final for Drunken Toddler-Biting Beast | | 2008-07-25 09:51:56 | | If anyone, Ben Stein for instance, needs proof that Darwin offered more than just creative fuel for the Nazis (a key point in the ironically-titled film featuring one-joke Ferris Bueller prof [and former Nixon lackey] Stein: “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed”), one need look no further than at how our animal friends seem to enjoy fermented beverages just as much as your second-cousin Murray the Mooch (who incidentally also looks like a stork, thus further strengthening the point). We did not leave out the wild kingdom (Mutual of Omaha version or otherwise) in our compendium of drunken exploits, “The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death: And Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery.” Indeed, two chapters are devoted to it – “Man Bites Dog and Dog Bites Back,” (the animals were sober in most of these stories, but the humans – like the guy who broke into a zoo late at night so his buddies could watch him wrestle a bear – were not) and “Crapulent Critters,” which featu | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | George Bush got drunk! | | 2008-07-25 08:51:43 | | I couldn't believe that George Bush said what he said. Then I thought nearly eight years in the White House hasn't changed him. He's still making schoolboy quips to impress his audience. And his audience in the video that was recorded on a mobile phone seems easily pleased! Disgraceful.His simplistic answer to the terrible greed that has been inflicted on the US housing market is to say that "Wall Street got drunk". He said, "There's no question about it. Wall Street got drunk. It got drunk and now it's got a hangover. The question is, how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments?"Fancy financial instruments? Is that what they are? He appears to think it is nothing to do with him. The drunk is in another room sobering up. According to him there's no cure. Nobody is suggesting a version of Chaser® – Freedom from Hangovers® for these errant financiers, fancy or otherwise. Perhaps they should!I really feel Bush should take this seriously. Why on ea | | By: A View from Middle England by Arden Forester | | |
| | "Wall Street Got Drunk" | | 2008-07-23 17:51:27 | | You will probably be subjected to a hundred repeats of Bush's "Wall Street got drunk" explanation for our financial malaise at a fundraising event in Houston, but you probably won't get to see CNN's Jack Cafferty, after reporting on the story, shake his head and say, "The death of the intellect at the highest levels of our nation's government is staggering...it's that kind of shallowness that's created an appetite among the American public and overseas for someone like Barak Obama." It was a nice moment.Atom
| | By: Michaelann Land | | |
| | Drunk-Dialing : The Light Comic Opera | | 2008-07-23 06:30:59 | | We’ve blogged on occasion about the infamous drink and dial – that decision to call someone in the middle of the night and share with them the penetrating truths that have come to you after half a bottle of Jack Daniels and three keg stands. Who doesn’t enjoy getting a call at 3am from someone who is ready either to take you for an unwanted drunken stumble down nostalgia lane, or to tell you that they just figured out what went wrong in your relationship and, surprise, surprise, the blame does not lie with the lush making the call. In our tome of drunken exploits, “The Man Who Scared a Shark To Death: And Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery,” we chronicle the tale of quite possibly the oldest immature drunk dialer, a 52-year-old Danish man who was playing with his toy ships in the bath when he decided to phone the local sea rescue unit and inform them that one of his ships was in danger of capsizing. They actually sent rescue boats to look for the sinking ship... He had | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Sleeping it off in Seattle: Drunk Attacks Cafe Manager with Fireworks and Headbutt | | 2008-07-16 06:56:15 | | Having not ever set foot in the place, we've familiarized ourselves with Seattle through Conan O'Brien, who had two guys in tower costumes, one representing the Space Needle and the other the larger CN Tower (both since dwarfed by a monolith in Dubai, leaving our fair cities feeling hopelessly inadequate) duke it out.We've also learned quite a bit from the sitcom Frasier and though it was filmed in its entirety at a Paramount Studios sound stage, we feel that it's given us a pretty good idea as to what the city is all about. Besides, there was one episode, season 5 we believe, that was filmed there and though we didn't see it, it was probably a solid one.[Editor's aside: It's a little known fact that Shelly Long did not care much for the Frasier character, and initially wanted him ousted from the show---Cheers that is, she wasn't holding a long-term grudge against him on his own show as her career took a nosedive from Space Needle-like heights]Seattle, to the best of our knowledge is | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | | Buckcherry, “Too Drunk”, video | | 2008-07-15 08:54:46 | | Ya hablamos en Festivaleros de Buckcherry y su nuevo disco, “Black Butterfly“, que saldrá a la venta el próximo 23 de septiembre. Os presentamos el video del primer single, “Too Drunk“. | | By: Festivaleros | | |
| | | | Kristen Bell drunk | | 2008-06-23 06:58:00 | | Umm…did you hear me? if you heard me and you aren’t jumping up and down like an untrained dog begging for a treat, then you my friend, are on the wrong side of town. The good news is she looks sloshy. The bad news is, Kristen Bell is a faker! She is “acting” for her latest movie, When In Rome. Hey, look at is like a role playing session. It’s still fun.More Kristen Bell drunk pictures. | | By: female celebrities gallery | | |
| | Jevon Kearse Caught Driving Drunk | | 2008-06-22 14:22:42 | | ‘The Freak’ starts off his return to Tennessee by getting arrested.
Vanderbilt spokesman Jim Patterson said Kearse was stopped early Sunday morning after campus police reported seeing the SUV that Kearse was driving weaving across the road.
Patterson says Kearse took a field sobriety test, but refused a breathalyzer. He was arrested and charged with DUI and [...] | | By: Inside the Iggles | | |
| | | Stop the presses! Lily Allen gets too drunk at some awards gala | | 2008-06-11 06:18:52 | | For those of you mercifully unfamiliar with the business of journalism (those whose chosen career path is one in which the salary exceeds that of your average busboy and does not involve having to indulge in the odd repast usually enjoyed by the family cat), there are five 'W's related to the profession.These are the infamous who, what, where, when and why questions they focus on ('who cares?' being the equivalent to the 'and sometimes Y' for vowels. The 'why even bother getting into the profession anyway?' is something we'll get into at another time). The concept of the five Ws, along with renting a film adaptation of a George Orwell novel, forms the fundamental basis of journalism.Now that we've saved you thousands of dollars that might've been spent on journalism school tuition rather than say, a nice vacation to the Amalfi Coast, and possibly an orange visor and a comfortable pair of walking shoes, we can concentrate on the 'who', which is exactly the question we posed to one anoth | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | | Bears Back Benson Arrested Overnight for Drunk Driving | | 2008-06-07 10:21:01 | | For the second month in a row, Bears starting running back Cedric Benson is in trouble with the law, this time for drunk driving in Austin, Texas. Benson was charged overnight, this after being pulled over in downtown Austin. He refused blood alcohol and breathalyzer tests, the Austin American-Statesman reported.
It was just back [...] | | By: NFL GridIron Gab | | |
| | | Cyclist Killed As Drunk Driver Plows Into Bike Race | | 2008-06-03 10:44:36 | | AP released this real-yet-surreal photo of a car plowing viciously into a crowd of cyclists on a highway in Monterrey, a city in Northern Mexico that borders Texas in the U.S. The impact sent bodies and bikes up in the air, leaving one cyclist dead and 10 others injured. One can almost hear the collisions.
The [...]
| | By: blixity | | |
| | Russian Drunk Forgets Small Fortune on Train : Six reasons why the attendant should have kept it | | 2008-06-02 07:32:36 | | Many Canadian children will recall having their mittens sewn onto the sleeves of their jackets in the winter. This was a practical measure on the part of parents, as mittens would otherwise be lost when a youngster drops them in a rushed attempt to fire a snowball at a moving target – like, say, a school bus or a police car – the kind of throw that requires nimble fingers unencumbered by mittens. We sometimes wish there were something similar for drunk adults, but we have yet to come up with a way of tying one’s mobile phone, wallet and house keys to one’s person without looking like the guy who gets the rubber hook at the institution’s yearly fishing trip. What most of us lose while we’re out on the piss though rarely amounts to more than can fall out of a person’s pocket while horizontal in the back of a taxi. A drunk passenger on a train in Volgograd, Russia, however, forgot more than just a box of Chiclets and his membership card to the meat of the month club when he | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Beer as Fuel, and not just for your drunk Uncle Lou's awkward advances | | 2008-05-26 07:42:48 | | In a previous blog, we drove home the true threat posed by global warming. Several polar bears may have been set off on that great ice-floe journey from which there is no return since that posting; however, the danger that we were pointing out looms large much closer to home – as close as your basement fridge – the possibility of a global beer crisis due to a lack of barley. The warming of the planet, combined with a supply-side crisis, has also resulted in a short supply of hops in the US. Microbreweries, faced with less available hops, a key ingredient in their product, have taken to jacking up their prices, and, unless there is a change in the situation, we may be forced to either pay through the nose or agree with those who taunt us for drinking microbrews and settle for whatever is cheap and available because, after all, beer is beer. This is the kind of news that is best met drunk. A recent TV news report suggested that beer is recession proof, and we would tend to agree. A f | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Soon to be Dancing Behind Bars: Drunk Dancer Does a Backflip onto a Police Car | | 2008-05-12 06:52:06 | | For those of us who are not secretly pining to shimmy beneath the bright lights of Broadway, dancing in public is something that requires a considerable amount of inhibition-killing liquid courage to even consider. Before you can respond to an invitation to dance, you must first ensure that you are sufficiently drunk – i.e. that you have reached the point where you can hit the dance floor fully confident that you will not sober up and realize what you’re doing mid-boogaloo.Drinking and dancing has its benefits though; providing you don’t slip on a puddle of beer, strutting your stuff on the dance floor slightly lowers your odds of going home alone. Slightly. However, there are some times when drunk dancing really only benefits the kind of people who chronicle and laugh at feats of drunken stupidity – namely, well, us. A 25-year-old man in Australia’s Northern Territory was drunk in a casino parking lot at 3am and felt the need to keep the party going. A paddy wagon and police | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | UK Study Says One in Three Hungover at Work (Other Two Still Drunk) | | 2008-05-09 08:05:42 | | Before the manufacturing base took a hit, it was not uncommon for Johnny Lunchbox to take a hit of his own from time to time from a flask kept in a flannel pocket to help alleviate the drudgery of the assembly line. After some people stumbled into deep vats and others were left with one less limb with which to raise a pint, drinking on the job became seen as dangerous, and people were encouraged to save their heavy drinking for evening television viewing with the wife and kids.Now, with the greatest danger in most workplaces being the guy whose score you just topped in “Scrabulous” giving you a sock in the jaw, people are once again seeing the benefits of a morning eye-opener followed up with a liquid lunch. According to a study by Norwich (kinda rhymes with porridge and that’s not the sort of thing it’s advisable to eat while hungover -- See our Hangover Tips) Union Healthcare in the UK, one in three employees has been to work with a hangover, while more than one in 10 reporte | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | I like pictures of drunk chicks acting stupid | | 2008-05-08 19:08:07 | | I realized that I am not alone. Just the other day I came across a site called 30 reasons a girl should call it a night
How brilliant of an idea is that? Hes even started to put up some videos which look pretty funny. Although the site is fairly new it looks like it has a lot of potential.
Lastly, I [...] | | By: Regretful Morning | | |
| | Christina Aguilera looking drunk and incoherent | | 2008-05-05 10:36:00 | | Last night, Christina Aguilera was at The Little Door restaurant in Hollywood. She went in there looking hot and leggy and she left looking drunk and incoherent! Can you say "SCORE" for her husband Jordan Bratman!? I bet he had some fun with her once they finally got home after he had to basically carry her out of the building! Baaaabbbyyy!Good for Jordan, because seeing that he looks like a big ugly caveman, these are the only times that Christina lets him out of his cage at home and allows hi | | By: HOT CELEBRITY PICTURE and GOSSIP | | |
| | Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers blast USA Today over drunk-driving ad | | 2008-05-03 10:35:02 | | Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers have blasted the USA Today newspaper over the use of the actress’ image in a drunk-driving ad.
“USA Today is idiotic to run such an irresponsible advertisement suggesting that drinking and driving is some kind of American ‘tradition’ we should protect,” Lohan’s lawyer Blair Berk said in a statement. “Not identifying that this [...] | | By: Gossip Boulevard | | |
| | Drunk Russian dies on flight to Toronto | | 2008-05-01 11:21:00 | | Police are investigating the case of a Russian man who died aboard a flight en route to Toronto on Wednesday.
Investigators have talked to about 200 passengers who travelled on the Aeroflot flight from Moscow, some of whom described the man, believed to be in his 40s, as heavily drunk. "[Passengers say] it was not just some alcohol, it was copious amounts of alcohol, that the passenger who died | | By: News Alert | | |
| | Mile Pie-Eyed Club: Drunk Duct Taped to his Seat | | 2008-04-25 02:34:41 | | Duct tape has many uses as you’ll know from jokes that have been hammered into the ground on a certain show set in a hunting lodge and based on the premise that men are, at the end of the day, basically stupid and that this observation contains enough material to mine for an eternity. In less family-friendly venues, duct-tape is most commonly used to seal the gobs of hostages to keep them from hollering for their freedom as they’re dumped into the trunk of a Cadillac. Your more sadistic baddies will let said hostage grow a moustache first, make sure that the tape covers it, and then, once in a soundproof room, inquire “What’s that you’re trying to say? I can’t quite hear you”, before ripping it off in one cruel tug and eliciting screams from the captive. But duct-tape is not just for villains. It can be a tool for good as well, and just today was employed to restrain a troublemaker on a flight from Hong Kong to Los Angeles. Details are sketchy so far, however what’s | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | | Drunk Fails To Notice Stabbing…Of Himself | | 2008-04-18 17:21:19 | | Yuri Lyalin, a Russian electrician, was out drinking vodka with some co-workers when an argument broke out. One of his co-workers, a watchman, ended up stabbing him in the back with a six inch kitchen knife. Yuri was so goddamn drunk he failed to notice the wound and passed out in the watchman’s office. When [...] | | By: Where the Boggs are Always Cold | | |
| | Punch Drunk in Aisle One: Barfly Picks Fight with Boxing Coach at Shop | | 2008-04-18 01:12:33 | | In boxing parlance, a "tomato can" is a hand-picked schlub brought in to go a few rounds with the champ, whose odds of scoring an upset are comparable to say, Madison, Wisconsin landing the next games of the Olympiad.While these guys are technically professional fighters, at least when they're not earning a living as roofers, drywallers and doing other jobs that don't require a background check, it's not uncommon for the town drunk to take one glassy-eyed look at one of these soft around the midriff ham 'n' eggers and think to themselves, "I could take 'em"--especially if he's facing the other way and I'm swinging a barstool. It's no accident then that "punch drunk" has become part of the lexicon as we'll see in this story. A London man, on the back end of a two-day drink and cocaine-fueled bender, “weekends” as Keith Richards calls ‘em, walked up to a fellow shopper, 23, and accused him of "gie' in evils” to him. The shopper tried to ignore him (having no clue what | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | 17 yr old arrested for drunk driving | | 2008-04-11 09:13:00 | | Nova Scotia RCMP say a newly licensed driver smashed into a house and van, tore up several lawns, fled and was finally caught hiding near a case of beer Thursday night.
The wild ride happened just before midnight in Lower Sackville, RCMP said.
After hitting the house and vehicle, the 17-year-old driver backed the car out, tearing up the lawn in the process. She drove away but failed to make the | | By: News Alert | | |
| | Apple Ad - Drunk Jeff Goldblum | | 2008-04-05 21:55:52 | | Oh man, some of these videos you find around the net are just hilarious. This one features well known actor Jeff Goldblum. It is an old Apple ad from 1999 which was slowed down considerably to make him sound like he was drunk. Enjoy!
[...] | | By: Maxthemac | | |
| | Glad to be drunk | | 2008-04-02 05:57:55 | | A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
| | By: 1 Joke a Day | | |
| | Humor jokes-Too drunk | | 2008-03-29 02:19:00 | | A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack.""Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.""I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death.""Well, then we need a urine sample.""I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar.""Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.""I can't do that, officer.""Why not?""Because I'm too drunk to do that." | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Humor jokes-Drunk | | 2008-03-26 23:38:36 | | I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:A half-gallon of 2% milkA carton of eggsA quart of orange juiceA head of romaine lettuceA 2 lb. can of coffeeA 1 lb. package of baconAs I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since Iwas indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly." | | By: Life Disguised in Humor | | |
| | A drunk Irisihman falls | | 2008-03-25 19:03:01 | | O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!” | | By: Encyclopedia of Humor | | |
| | A drunk goes to the doctor complaining… | | 2008-03-20 15:04:06 | | A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. “I feel tired all the time,” he slurs. “My head hurts, I’ve got a sore arse, and I’m not sleeping. What is it, Doc?” Frowning, the doctor examines him before standing back. “I can’t find anything wrong,” he says. “It must be the drinking.” [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
| | Teen Girl DUI: Drunk driver, 14, with mom in car | | 2008-03-12 09:25:39 | | Whether it’s wowing Guitar Hero’s aging demographic with one’s innate ability to shred, making the competition look like dunderheads in a spelling bee or doing complex mathematical equations on the back of a Hello Kitty lunchbox, we live in a society where precociousness, however smug-seeming and nauseating it is for those without kids, is celebrated.This sort of admiration carries over to a certain extent in manners of drinking. We all admired the kind of guy who was capable of out-drinking our parents when he was 15, and, years later, we’re happy to tip him for giving the windshield a good scrub when we go in for a fill-up. But this respect does not extend to youthful drunk drivers. If there is an upside to drunk-driving, or, as we call it, the orange pylon obstacle course home from the bar, it’s that most of the time those committing this offence are older, and thus benefit somewhat from more experience behind the wheel – this to be judged in proportion with the fact tha | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Drunk Tank-Driver Smashes House in Vodka Run | | 2008-03-10 02:16:12 | | In The Shark Book, we devoted an entire chapter, “Hard Corps Drunks: The Few, The Brave, The Blotto” to the exploits in liquid form of those in uniform – among them a young recruit nearly blinded while playing a boozy game of “fireball hockey” [it’s aptly named] at an Army base, and a navy man whose fecal foray onto shore left a bad impression, and a bad smell in town.But possibly the most shocking of all of these, or at least the one that you would expect the firing squad to start tuning up for, was the sale of a tank by Russian army forces to their Chechen enemies for around 8,000 bucks after the two opposing sides voted for peace by laying down their weapons and drinking their faces off together for an afternoon. That story and another about a Russian soldier who stole a dinghy from the merchant ship he was on and nearly perished at sea in violent weather just to procure some vodka on land are both instructive preludes to the following.The cold Russian winters no doubt | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | | Drunk Elvis Impersonator 'All Shook Up' in court | | 2008-03-07 00:52:16 | | A few years back, we found a rental car company that didn’t charge extra for mileage and proceeded to make them rethink that policy by striking out on an impromptu 1300 mile trip from Toronto to New Orleans with a couple of buddies. En route, we took in the best of what the southern US has to offer: happily clogging arteries with their delicious early-grave food, spending more than one late night boozing it up on Nashville’s main strip, and also doing the tourist guidebook stuff that involved sites near and dear to our hearts like the Jack Daniels distillery and Johnny Cash’s house in Hendersonville Tennessee. We were disappointed to see that the latter was closed to the public upon our arrival, but heartened when we saw a sign across the street for something called “Trinity Music City, USA”. Alas, this enthusiasm was premature. “Trinity Music City, USA” is what Conway Twitty's Xanadu-like compound “Twitty City” was renamed when the Christian Trinity Broadcasting | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Humor jokes-The drunk | | 2008-02-29 22:12:11 | | A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!" | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Drunk drivers to lose cars to Ontario courts under new law | | 2008-02-27 08:09:00 | | Drunk drivers in Ontario could lose their cars, trucks, motorcycles or snowmobiles under a new provincial law that takes effect Wednesday. It allows the courts to impound a vehicle involved in a drinking and driving offence if it was also owned or driven by someone whose licence was suspended for drinking and driving at least twice in the last 10 years. The vehicle can then be sold, and any | | By: News Alert | | |
| | | Drunk bank robbery busted minutes later | | 2008-02-25 05:13:12 | | This morning, rather than remark on last night's goings on, Oscar-wise and the obviously amazing adhesive properties of the primer used to affix John Travolta's hair to his bald noggin, or the nearly comatose presenter Harrison Ford (indistinguishable from the best performances he's ever given, minus the leather vests), we decided to focus on 'Best Drunk Performance During Commission of a Federal Felony', courtesy of a Chicago bank robber. [Editor's Note: Of course, in the event any of our seat filler insiders aren't shaken down and tossed out onto Hollywood Blvd and beaten, we'll give you updates on whichever drunken celebrity does something worthy of noting here.] In the Shark Book, we chronicled a blotto bank heist that ended inauspiciously when the 'robbin' hood' headed to the nearest bar (and we're not speaking euphemistically here as it was two blocks over) and tried to buy rounds with his security ink-stained loot. A Windy City brigand, following in that guy's shuffling foot-ste | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | | Man Streaking at Horse Race: And it's 'Drunk Idiot' by a nose! | | 2008-02-21 19:22:01 | | As we noted in 'The Shark Book', horses once served man as a primary mode of transport and then were thanked for their years of service with new posts in society as fodder for glue and rendering plants and as a key ingredient in the nation's dog food.Another popular use for horses has been to gather them at tracks, put lilliputian men atop them and force them to race one another while the audience bring ruination upon themselves through gambling, softening the blow of every lost dollar with a fortifying drink. Occasionally, this spectacle of soaking up hooch like a dish rag, cursing and haggling with hookers is undertaken with pretension, as is the case with the running of the Royal Ascot. There, in '94 as we chronicled in the book, a drunk galoot, aiming to get a closer look at the 'gorgeous' (source newspaper's quotation marks) women in the Royal Enclosure, nearly got trampled to death in front of Her Majesty, the Queen Mother and the Duke of Edinburgh.This recent example from NSW, | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Three Drunk Women - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-20 17:18:31 | | Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
| | Firewalk with me: Drunk burns feet in bonfire promenade | | 2008-02-20 01:34:13 | | Firewalking is a technique that has been popular for centuries, ever since some fakir with a cart full of placebos to unload first gathered yokels around a coal pit and took the fiery walk in the hopes that they would believe he escaped burned feet because he was wearing the deity’s own socks and that the stinking concoctions he was doling out actually had some medicinal value.Motivational speaker Tony Robbins was able to use firewalking to much the same effect – in his case unloading tapes and books featuring innumerable hours of him giving you advice that could be boiled down to the Fred Flintstone soundbite “Think big, be big Barney.†It should be noted that Robbins was not suggesting the intervention of a deity, but rather that spending a whole wad of cash to listen to him go on at some retreat in the woods somehow equips one with the mental juice necessary to make such a run without injury. Science-minded spoilsports later put the mysticism surrounding firewalking to rest. | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Drunk Challenges Police Car to a Fight -- and the smart money is not on the boozer | | 2008-02-15 10:51:43 | | Blackouts are nature’s way of sparing drunks from having to forever remember the shameful acts they may have committed whilst in liquor’s clutches. (Though the legend-like feats of the worst among them have been collected for posterity in our book, “The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death: and other true tales of drunken debauchery). Also, in some places simply telling an arresting officer that you were so blotto you can’t remember a single detail of the crime you are alleged to have committed will result in you being set free with a sandwich and the best wishes of the city… or so we’ve heard.A 25-year-old man in Lincolnshire England was arrested recently for a crime he committed while blackout drunk that one would have assumed involved the consumption of hallucinogenic drugs rather than alcohol – challenging a police car to a fight.The man is said to have finished a night’s boozing by hopping up on the roof of a marked police car and shouting “come on thenâ€, while swin | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Hair of the Dog: Drunk pooch stumbles into vet's office | | 2008-02-15 04:52:36 | | Been drinking a little too much? Visit our womens alcohol rehab center and enter womens drug rehab at our womens drug treatment center today. You'll get over your addiciton in no time!Thus far, the beastly behavior we’ve chronicled here has been solely that of the human variety. However, in The Shark Book we actually devoted an entire chapter, ‘Crapulent Critters’ to our cousins lower down on the food chain, who took to the booze with a particularly anthropomorphic vigor. From an unscrupulous Royal footman who got the Queen’s Royal corgis hopped up on gin and whiskey (one of whom later met a grisly fate: mauled to death by Princess Anne's bull terrier--the corgi, not the footman, we should specify, given HRM's nasty streak), to Swedish elk trashing a retirement home drunk on fermented apples and a pet parrot tossed from a bar for taking sips of customers’ pints, we’ve certainly seen our share of fauna that’ve dulled their senses with the drink. In a small North Austrian | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Drunk bus fight, Toronto, or next stop Haymaker Street | | 2008-02-15 04:46:23 | | By joining our womens drug rehab program, you'll be able to overcome addictions like alcohol abuse today! Our womens alcohol rehab center has been rated the best womens drug treatment center available!We Shark Guys hold two Canadian passports, which we’d be more than willing to part with if the right offer came along. Of course we kid and proudly fly the flag wherever we go, expressing our patriotism through the most underhanded of means—on the backpacks of our seeing stars and stripes comrades to the south to tourist hot-spots around the globe.In addition to these important documents, (for which official photos now require that the applicant no longer smile, somewhat undermining our outwardly friendly and polite, if dull global image) we also hold two bus passes. Though only one of us resides in Toronto year round, (while the other stops by occasionally for an orthotic in-sole fitting, or to load up on airport souvenirs), we're both familiar with hopping a turnsti, er, paying f | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Astronauts NOT drunk, says NASA: No 'Ground Control to Major Bombed' | | 2008-02-13 17:47:50 | | Apparently that 'one small step for man', and all subsequent steps, (and we're guessing space walks too) have been taken in a straight line.According to no less esteemed a publication than the New York Times (of 'all the news that'll fit between 13 inches of broadsheet' fame), there is "no evidence of crew members’ going on space missions drunk or impaired by alcohol".This NASA decree, based on an anonymous online survey of 31 flight surgeons and 87 current astronauts done in the wake of the Lisa Nowak debacle, will finally put to bed any rumors of pie-eyed shenanigans where 'nobody can hear you scream', i.e, 'space' to the pop culture-averse. It's highly unlikely this, or any other announcement by NASA will phase conspiracy theorists though, who believe "astronauts" landed on a Hollywood sound stage and for all they know, might've been drunker than ushers at a monster truck rally while pulling their elaborate ruse. Airline pilots are much more used to such scrutiny, to the point tha | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Drunk teen and his massive bar tab! He's got it 'made in Japan' | | 2008-02-13 14:41:58 | | Getting a fake ID from that guy who will, once you've drunk yourself stupid in various lenient bars, supply you with a bogus highschool diploma, is a common rite of passage for many young keeners.More often than not these sorts of identification cards could not pass muster anywhere other than the All-blind and Half-smart Society's annual barbecue and booze-up, but the teens, long having exhausted the liquor cabinet of mom's secret stash of Baby Duck (for all our foreign readers, the worst plonk in the Great White North, unfit to scour sink basins in the southwestern part of France), go for it anyhow.In Japan recently, a 16-year-old raised the bar (and nearly bankrupted one) for under-aged drunken antics the world over when he sauntered into a Tokyo hostess club in the guise of a rich young playboy and began whooping it up in grand style.The teen, who the manager later said ordered drinks and spoke with hostesses as a man experienced in such matters would, and was presumably not asked f | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Drunk Teen Swallows Apartment Key! Gives 'key parties' a new meaning | | 2008-02-13 14:40:06 | | We all have our different ways of dealing with the inevitably of “last callâ€. Some of us order a tray full of enough high-octane booze to blind an elephant before the dreaded hour strikes. Others might drink only at places where the bartender is a childhood friend and a misguided sense of loyalty might persuade him or her to risk closure and/or heavy fines in order to keep the drinks flowing past the legally mandated hour.But few of us are likely to be as dedicated to keeping the night alive as one British student -- pictured in the inset -- was. The 18-year-old was attending a party in the student residence and had drank six beers, along with some vodka and whiskey when his friends decided they had had enough of him and told him to go home and sleep it off.Presumably at the stage of intoxication where not even this not-so-subtle invitation to leave was registering, the young Brit chose to fight for his inalienable right to party in a way that one might not expect from those out of | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Drunk News Anchor! | | 2008-02-13 14:28:29 | | It is best, when watching the evening news, to have pre-recorded it. That way you can skip through the horrors of the day and sports (unless you need to collect on Super Bowl bets) and catch only the good stuff like lottery results, the weather and, if you’re lucky, a report on somebody who has just turned 100 but can still dance the cha-cha-cha. The evening news, when carefully edited in this manner, can be almost enjoyable to watch.Of course, the role of the news anchor is essential to the proper enjoyment of a news broadcast. The entire effect of a news broadcast can be thrown off by a newscaster with a face that suggests he’s 60 and a dyed head of hair that suggests a tin of shoe polish applied liberally. A good set of teeth, as well as age appropriate hair and makeup (and in some cases eyewear or modest head accoutrements – earrings, hair accessories etc – in the case of a female broadcaster) are essential. A newscaster must also be able to maintain a steady, neutral tone, | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Taxi Cab Confession: Cab driver backs over drunk guy | | 2008-02-12 21:21:25 | | In many respects, big city drunks have it easy over their blotto backwoods brethren. There's no need to blow a sizable portion of your paycheck--the remainder of what's been left in the jukebox of a local saloon--on a cab fare into the hinterlands, if cabs even service those back roads at all. At least you're occasionally able to stumble home if you remember such details as your address (which you distinctly recall scribbling on a napkin and stuffing into a stranger's purse) or that the shortest distance between two points is the straight line you cannot walk.Sure you might wander into an alley inhabited by a tire iron-wielding maniac (who doesn't look like they drive but who take out their bus-pass related frustrations on the noggins of unwitting passersby), but you're at greater risk of having your reasonable facsimile of 'home' be a yellowing mattress hauled out on garbage day.A Sydney man after a night on the town and eschewing public transit (a good move generally, as we've shown | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | | | | Drunk Driver Calls 911 on Self: Hello Wisconsin! | | 2008-01-29 19:59:12 | | As we've noted in previous posts, to the point of smacking our heads repeatedly against the steering wheel in frustration, we unequivocally, in no way whatsoever endorse impaired driving---our Top Ten Greatest Drinking & Driving Anthems of All Time referring solely to the soundtrack of a drunken, Grand Theft Auto game in the confines of one's moldy basement.That being said, we've taken great pleasure here in pointing out the folly of those who do get behind the wheel blotto and while this may not garner any favor with those who fly red ribbons from their antennae, we'd be hypocrites if we claimed otherwise---as authors of a sizable chapter in our book entitled, Contents May Shift in Transit: Drunk and on the Move.In a subsection of the above, Chariots of Firewater no less, we noted a drunk driver in Germany who got sidetracked with a flat, and in a breach of male etiquette dictating that you change your own damn tire drunk or otherwise, decided to phone for help. In his compromised | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Drunk graffiti artist all washed up... and The Joker's Wild Life: Heath Ledger | | 2008-01-23 16:48:42 | | [From the recently spit-shined, mahogany editor's desk: This morning, we figured we'd steer clear of commenting on the early demise of the talented Heath Ledger as revelling in the morbid is more the province of the folks over at The Darwin Awards. So, we figured we'd focus on a different Australian-themed story, a 'near death' one in this case.Hip hop is universal and responsible for much of the pop culture we do our best to shield our eyes from on a daily basis, ideally, with a ball cap pulled way down and a hoodie.It's given us, among other things: over-sized duds for fat and non-fat alike, athletic footwear thrown onto overhead wires to mark drug territory (a stern warning against crack dealers bold enough to ply their trade in penny loafers) and seizure inducing ditties. Purists often cite the four pillars that prop up the Temple of Hip Hop, which include DJing (of the type not done at your cousin's Bar Mitzvah when a drunk uncle yells out for 'Hotel California'), emceeing, breaki | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | | Low Rider: Man Arrested for drunk driving a lawn mower | | 2008-01-17 23:02:26 | | Hustler, the company that makes lawnmowers, not the magazine known for more beaver shots than Canadian tourism literature, claims its 'Super Z' riding mower is the fastest production zero turn mower on the market.Given that our subscription to Popular Mechanics has expired, we're going to have to take their word for it, not to mention the fact that we both live in high rise apartment buildings and require binoculars to see actual grass.We imagine that you wouldn't necessarily want to go off roadin' with the missus on one of these bad boys, but for a mower it can certainly scorch rubber with nearly 30 horsepower. And with a top speed of 15 miles an hour, it's just powerful enough so that you can drag race a Segway scooter and leave it in the dust too, provided there is a mighty tail wind kicking up.Riding mowers may be getting faster, but manufacturers may want to think twice about making cup holders standard, following the wasted antics of a New Zealander, who was stopped by police for generating not exactly G-forces at a whopping 5 miles an hour.The man, who'd already had his real license suspended, had been using his riding mower to get around---which he won't any longer, as police impounded it for a month.The blade runner defended himself, saying even bicycles went faster than his unorthodox chariot: "I've watched them go past me."On a somewhat related note, Memphis-based Tiger Time Lawn care has been doing booming business with their low-cut bikini clad maintenance service since its inception last year. For a 'slightly higher fee than a normal grass cut' the company will send over a woman hopefully not unlike those pictured in their promotional material so you can enjoy a beverage in the comfort of your lawn-chair, and not risk becoming another tragic, one man statistic. | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Are drunk leprechauns funny or offensive? [Digg] | | 2008-01-14 15:47:59 | | Here's a new type of "elf yourself" site for St. Patrick's Day. But "expressing your inner leprechaun" is a lot more edgy. Here's a sample apology you can send to a friend: "I'm sorry I wrecked your car. I did it because i was drunk. I feel really bad about it. To prove how sorry I am, I will let you punch me in the face." Funny or offensive? | | By: Beijing 2008 Olympics Blog | | |
| | Drunk Hotel Guests | | 2008-01-12 14:57:00 | | We were doing floor checks in the middle of the night. As we arrived on one floor, we saw a nude body lying on the ground at the other end of the hall. We were both thinking, “I hope this fucker isn’t dead”.
We got closer and could see that his chest was rising and falling with each breath, we both let out a sigh of relief. My co-worker walked over to one side and nudged the guy with his foot. | | By: Getting fired for apprehending a innocent shopper | | |
| | | | Drunk Christmas Dog | | 2008-01-02 23:49:41 | | Breed: Collie
Location: Florida (What? Would you expect any less than the drunk dog is from FL ?)
Caption : So the holidays are over? Evidently this dawg doesn’t know or care !! This is Zeus, the “Drunk Christmas Dog”. Zeus rose to his fame when his mommie Erika posted pictures of the [...] | | By: LolDawgz - Dog Humor | | |
| | Drunk man mauled during attempted dog rape | | 2007-12-24 04:29:38 | | A drunk Thai man was bitten several times when he tried to rape an unwilling dog.Police said the 33-year-old man had been drinking heavily with friends before he tried to rape the dog.The man was caught by police officers when residents in the area notified the police about a man walking along the street, bleeding.After being questioned, the man told the police he noticed a brown female stray dog wagging its tail and 'acting sexy'.When he tried to pull the dog into some tall grass near the roadside, the dog resisted. The dog bit him on his face, chest and arms. When the dog stopped biting him, the man tried to stagger home.The man also admitted to the police that he had raped three dogs earlier while he was drunk.The man said he got excited when he drank heavily but did not have the money to go to a prostitute. | | By: Fun and entertainment guaranteed | | |
| | Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life | | 2007-12-21 22:56:24 | | Well. I'm not drunk, anyway.I'm definitely headed for fat, because this is the time of years when both my office and home are basically flooded with a tidal wave of frosting, cream, creme and nougat.At Thanksgiving I was still trying to be good but by Hannukah I had lost all control and this week I wasn't even looking at food before I ate it."Watch him go," onlookers would shriek."I don't know what he's eating but something in that last scoopfull had a face."And any sense of quality control is gone. A month ago I was saying, "I guess I will have one of those truffles, and half a profiterole, because they're so good."Now I'm standing at the office fridge eating week old supermarket sheet cake, scraping icing leavings off the edges of the tray and chasing it with flat month-old Mountain Dew.The only thing saving me from total holiday body annihlation is that I'm still making it to the gym for like two hours a day, but that's not stopping the weight gain, it's just slowing it | | By: Ask Mr. Smartypants | | |
| | I'm Drunk | | 2007-12-21 09:21:00 | | Estoy borracho, ayer me "jui" de parranda con Lord Demon, Lord Monster y Ramses, gran peda.
Ayer saliendo de la oficina Lord Demon me dijo que quería tomar una cerveza, tonces le dije: ¡orale! y nos fuimos a un bar a tomar las chelas, pero despues de la primera, siguió la segunda, la tercera, etc.
El caso es que a media borrachera llamé al Ramses y le dije que venga al bar, el como buen amigo | | By: Lord Cold :: Blog | | |
| | Drunk 'Grim Reaper' Arrested: Death Warmed Over Slightly | | 2007-12-21 09:18:00 | | Unfortunately, the online Christmas shopping season has come and gone so you might be forced to defer your philanthropy in the form of some promissory gift note indicating that "the George Foreman grill is on its way, I swear". Sadly, at this late juncture, no warp-speed-porn downloading internet service provider or benevolent FedEx guy is going to save your yuletide bacon and ensure your gift arrives in its intended hands by the 25th. At best, you’re resigned to rummaging through the garage for a suitable gift that hasn't been soiled by raccoons or packing a can of bear repellent for a last ditch trip to a big box outlet. Of course, there are those people for whom a holiday gift is a priority hovering slightly above poinsettias for an off-hours plumber, and for whom you can shop worry-free as your paths aren’t likely to cross until well after the Christmas eggnog spills have been mopped up. For these folk and loved ones alike--whose stockings once hung by the chimney with care, and by February are likely to be in a moldy basement in a box alongside defective Christmas lights---may we suggest the delightful compendium, The Man who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery, available for the first time in the lower 49 states and possibly Alaska. In The Shark Book and in previous posts, we've warned of the dangers of drinking while in costume, not recommended either for lay-folk or those taking part in dog park productions of The Tempest, as while it would appear they would make your drunken exploits less conspicuous by virtue of anonymity, it does just the opposite. Case in point, in Lancaster, England, a man celebrating his mate's birthday and getting tighter than a pawn shop handshake on excess lager and vodka, got separated from his drinking buddies and ended up wandering around lost and nearly naked on a beach. The man, cold and wet decided to seek shelter posthaste as Northwest England is not in the Rolodex of location scouts as a | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
| | Really funny jokes-Drunk Brian | | 2007-12-15 04:14:20 | | Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep..When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe."Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom, and I"m St Peter".Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.you've got to send me back Straight away". St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welli | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | How to spot a Christmas drunk – Shark style | | 2007-12-10 12:50:23 | | Earlier this month, the British Home Office (the government body, not where you say you work in order to keep the tax man’s grubby paws out of your pockets) issued undercover police officers looking to fine bartenders serving the already inebriated – basically every bar patron during the holidays – a field manual telling them how to spot drunks during the holiday season.The manual, given to 90 police teams countrywide taking part in the pre-Christmas Responsible Sales of Alcohol Campaign (Operation Killjoy by our lights), did British taxpayers proud, coming up with such startling observations as “[drunks tend to be] careless with money”, and they also cuss, bump into one another and, on a related note, engage in inappropriate sexual behavior, as well as slur their speech and have difficulty following any conversation that goes beyond: “Fancy a pint?” “Too right. Your round.”Newspapers and pub trade publications (slur that three times fast while touching your nose with your big toe), like The Publican, mocked the Home Office’s effort, condemning it as “absolute nonsense”, and suggesting that the government would be better off focusing its efforts on the supermarkets, which are selling beer cheaper than water (a delightful trend for your bargain boozehound that we covered here). Of course, the Home Office’s report deserved all the derision it received, and if we’ve added to that here then all the better, but being able to spot a true Christmas drunk as opposed to your average red-nosed holiday boozer is nonetheless important, and not just for police – it could save you and your loved ones from injury, or, possibly worse, having to pony up bail money for someone near and dear. In that spirit we present you with:The Shark Guys’ Tips for Spotting a Christmas Drunk Times when you can be sure that you are in the presence of an authentic Christmas drunk: Ambulances arrive early Christmas morning to attend to some drunk in a Santa suit who s | | By: The Shark Guys | | |
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