| Funny Quotes - Things to learn from Dog | | 2008-08-14 10:13:23 | | Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience.Let others know when they've invaded your territory.Take naps and always stretch before rising.Run, romp, and play daily.Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.Be loyal.Never pretend to be something you're not.If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.Thrive on attention and let people touch you.Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.
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| Funny quotes - Courses for Men | | 2008-08-13 23:25:03 | | Taught by women, for men.1 Combating Stupidity2 You Too Can Do Housework3 P.M.S. – Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut4 How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray5 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas – Give Us Money6 understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk At 4 AM7 Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly "Don't Wash My Silks")8 Parenting – No, It Doesn't End With Conception9 Get a Life – Learn How To Cook10 How Not To Act Like a Butthead When You Are Obviously Wrong11 Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right12 understanding Your Financial Incompetence13 You – The Weaker Sex14 Reasons To Give Flowers15 How To Stay Awake After 16 Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself Anywhere But the Bathroom17 Garbage – Getting It To the Curb18A You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try18B The Morning Dilemma - If It's Awake, Take a Shower19 The Weekend and Sports Are Not Synonymous20 ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
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| Funny Quotes - Courses for Women | | 2008-08-12 12:54:15 | | Taught by men, for women.1. Avoiding Walking in Front of the TV2. Doing Housework Without Complaining3. Shopping: Buying What You Can Afford, Not What You Can Charge4. Going to The Washroom Alone (formerly Coping Without My Friends)5. Understanding the Male Response to "Do I Look OK?"6. Exercise: How it Keeps You from Looking Like Your Mother7. Learning How to Initiate Intimacy8. How to Apologize When You Are Obviously Wrong9 Understanding the Male Response to "Am I Fat?"10 Dishwashers: Rinsing Before Is Not a Must11 The Toilet Seat: I Can Learn to Put It Down Too12 Using the Thesaurus: Alternatives to "Make Love"13 "The Weekend" and "Long Boring Walks" Are Not Synonymous14 How to Go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Embarrass Him15 The Remote Control: Don't Touch What You Can't Handle16 You Too Can Be the One to Hang Up the Phone17 Honest, You Don't Look Like Kim Bassinger – But You're Acceptable18 Hairspray: The Effects On The Ecosystem (formerly One Can Is Enough)19 ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
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| Funny Quotes - Military Warnings | | 2008-08-10 07:55:37 | | "Aim towards the Enemy."- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."- U.S. Army"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."- U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop"If the enemy is in range, so are you."- Infantry Journal"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance."It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."- U.S. Air Force Manual"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."- Infantry Journal"Tracers work both ways."- U.S. Army Ordnance"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."- Infantry Journal"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."- Col. David Hackworth"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush."- Infantry Journal"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspe... | | By: the chutkule | | |
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| Funny quotes - Funny replies of answering machine | | 2008-08-05 22:30:34 | | Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished."I'm not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I'll replyLike Barney (the purple dinosaur):I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave yourname and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home. "Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can.""Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? youguessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it..."Roses are red, violets are blue,Sugar is sweet, and so are youThe roses have wilted, the violets are dead,The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your headThe roses stink, sorta like sheepBut leave your name, number, and message after the beepTh... | | By: the chutkule | | |
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| Top 10 Funny Quotes | | 2008-06-10 16:46:13 | | 10. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. (Oscar Wilde).9. What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. (Mark Twain).8. The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. (Jeanne-Marie Roland).7. Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning. (George W Bush).6. Never give a sucker an even break. (W. C. Fields).5. I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns).4. Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. (Woody Allen).3. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. (Groucho Marx).2. Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. (Mae West).1. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. (Homer J. Simpson).... | | By: Stupid Tips | | |
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| Funny Quotes - Disbelief | | 2007-07-27 16:58:00 | | “There are three statements that you should never believe: (1) 'A cheque is in the post'; (2) 'I am from the Government and I am here to help you'; (3) 'Of course, darling, I will still respect you in the morning.'”
Anonymous (Quoted in Cassell's Humorous Quotations)
... | | By: Famous Motivational and Inspirational Quotes | | |
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| Funny Quotes About Fathers | | 2007-06-14 06:56:31 | | I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
To be a successful father… there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years. [...]... | | By: Peace Spiritual Inspiration | | |
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