| Joke: Sunburn Treatment | | 2008-07-18 02:27:00 | | A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor... | | By: Outhouse Rag | | |
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| business Joke - 12 | | 2008-07-17 07:04:00 | | Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Business Joke - 11 | | 2008-07-11 06:57:19 | | Any change looks terrible at first.Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.Any given program, when running, is obsolete.Any good strategy will seem ridiculous by the time it is implemented. - Dogbert, in Scott Adams' "Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies: Dogbert's Big Book of Business"Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.Any line, however short, is still too long. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| The Joker - Ain’t no Joke | | 2008-07-08 12:56:07 | | Also called by the names “The Clown Prince of Crime“, “The Harlequin of Hate“, and “The Ace of Knaves“, “The Joker“ has always lived up to his reputation as one of the most vicious villain that the Dark Knight has ever faced, and to make things worse… he always have the last laugh.
A lot [...] | | By: 3 Critical | | |
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| Business Joke - 10 | | 2008-07-05 05:12:13 | | Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Business Joke - 9 | | 2008-07-02 05:11:10 | | All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.All work and no play, will make you a manager.Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.Always hire a rich attorney.Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!Ambiguity is invariant | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Business Joke - 8 | | 2008-06-27 05:11:00 | | All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. - Walt Disney
All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
All things being equal, all things are never equal.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Business Joke - 7 | | 2008-06-24 05:10:03 | | After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
All general statements are false; think about it.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All generalizations are useless, including this one.
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
All great discoveries are made by mistake. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Blond Joke | | 2008-06-23 06:17:07 | | What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?"Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"From Really Funny Jokes
| | By: AmyOops | | |
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| Business Joke - 6 | | 2008-06-21 05:09:02 | | A stagnant science is at a standstill.A theory is better than its explanation.A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) - Stafford BeerAccording to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| MTV Roadies Joke | | 2008-06-19 09:12:04 | | Feeling lost? What is MTV Roadies Q: What would you do as the producer of Roadies, and Raghu as one of the 13 Roadies? (this was the topic for fake group discussion in Roadies BattleGround online on Orkut) A: Well well even Raghu would be surprised to be on the other side, and yes, even though he has not only scripted but created the Roadies, he'll too falter once in a while as a producer, I have to create a balance b/w the 12 unknown guys and gals and this bald guy [:P]...I feel ppl want to watch a balanced show...so I cannot let Raghu's imposing persona to overshadow others, at least initially Raghu must know that he'll have to live with the 12 Roadies day in and day out, do what Roadies do and yes, the tasks would be hidden from him too- simple, you a Roadie, then expect to be treated as one. that said and the usual procedure with my Team etc, let's move on how it will be different................. 1. Rahgu will not be judging the Contestants. This should get th | | By: Gopal's Blog | | |
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| Human Rights Commissions: What A Joke | | 2008-06-18 12:08:00 | | When a person speaks of human rights, we'd naturally think of the basic rights granted us like found in our Constitution. The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. When you hear about a tribunal or commission regarding human rights, you'd expect it to be a court of some sort, defending these sorts of rights.But you'd be wrong.Human Rights Commissions are more akin to what would be found in say, a Stalin or Mao era prison. Forced confessions anyone? And these courts really aren't accountable to anyone. Worse, there really aren't any requirements, like a burden or proof or anything. Their primary, (or better described, ONLY,) reason for existence? Hate crimes. To stamp out hate around the globe.Not found amongst the long list of countries that have joined in on the mock-judicial system , is America. Thank goodness for that. In America, we still have, (for now at least) a little thing called "freedom of speech." No matter how much I despise what you say, or how much someone | | By: Hoopy Frood Dude | | |
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| Pregnant Italian Joke | | 2008-06-17 15:59:52 | | For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a
large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy [...] | | By: Encyclopedia of Humor | | |
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| Business Joke - 5 | | 2008-06-16 05:09:00 | | A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to put in his mouth.A penny saved has not been spent.A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.A penny saved is ridiculous.A problem cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created it. (In other words, if you screw it up, you can't fix it.)A real person has two reasons for doing anything...a good reason and the real reason.A short cut is the longest distance between two points.A short line outside a building becomes a long line inside. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Mexican Joke Of The Day | | 2008-06-13 14:13:00 | | This was a joke told by a Mexican-American that was buying a car. I want to use the word Hispanic, but he says there is no shame in using the word Mexican because that is where he is from. So here goes the joke.He asked me what a Fat Woman and a Brick had in common?I said, I really do not know!He said they would both eventually be laid by a Mexican!Be sure and check out these other Car Salesman Jokes and Car Lot Humor;Car Salesman Joke; EyeglassesGrean Pea (New Car Salesman) PrankCar Salesman Joke-Flying CarsCar Salesman Joke-A Little TailService Department Joke
| | By: Car Buying Tips To Save You Money | | |
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| Business Joke - 4 | | 2008-06-13 05:08:02 | | A good scapegoat is hard to find.A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.A little humility is arrogance.A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.A little ignorance can go a long way.A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.A man should be greater than some of his parts. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| A Golf Joke… | | 2008-06-12 20:55:13 | | Well, here we go again, this is one of those things that just needs to be passed on, it’s from An Ol’ Broad’s Ramblings and this is one of my blogging buddies that was my distinct pleasure to meet and have lunch with, thanks Kate!
A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the [...] | | By: TexasFred's | | |
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| Business Joke - 3 | | 2008-06-10 05:08:00 | | A day without sunshine is like night.A disagreeable task is its own reward.A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.A fool and his money are soon elected.A fool and his money stabilize the economy.A free agent is anything but.A friend in need is a pest indeed.A geophysicist is not drunk as long as he can hang onto a single blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Business Joke - 2 | | 2008-06-07 05:05:02 | | A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. - Milton BerleA committee is twelve men doing the work of one.A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. - Abba EbanA conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. - Franklin D. RooseveltA consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.A crisis is when you cannot say "let's just forget the whole thing." | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| COOPERATE JOKES: The joke that brings you luck! | | 2008-06-07 04:34:00 | | One day, an old lady went to the Bank of Canada with a large bag full of money. The old lady insisted to speak to the president of the Bank in order to open a savings account because, she said, she had a lot of money.After many discussions an employee took her along to the office of the president.The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.She answered him 165.000$, while putting the money on his desk.Curious, he asked her how she succeeded in saving such a lot of money.The old lady answered him that she made bets.The president quite surprised asked her: "Which kind of bets?"The old lady answered him: “For example, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square".The president started to laugh and pointed out that this kind of bets was impossible to win!Then, the old lady replied: "Would like you to make this bet?"."Certainly, answered the president, I guarantee you 25.000$ that my testicles are not square."The old lady thus said to him: "I agree. But given th | | By: BLOGGY DOGGY | | |
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| Business Joke - 1 | | 2008-06-04 05:04:02 | | A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.A bird in the hand is dead.A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.A closed mouth gathers no foot. | | By: Wilhb81s Fun Place | | |
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| Cheney Makes Incest Joke | | 2008-06-03 13:11:10 | | Why doesn’t this surprise me? Oh yes! This is the Bush administration…how could I forget?
©2008 Garling Gauge. All Rights Reserved.. | | By: Garling Gauge | | |
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| Joke: Little Sally…. | | 2008-05-23 02:09:00 | | Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, ‘Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!’ Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, ‘It reminded me of a peanut.’ Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s Mom asked, ‘Really... | | By: Outhouse Rag | | |
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| Daily Rant 5/19 - Mike Huckabee's Joke | | 2008-05-19 06:31:12 | | Why does any conservative who makes a light hearted joke have to apologize? I don't get it...the liberals in congress on the floor can call GW the worst things on the planet and who holds there feet to the fire? NO ONE!!! The liberal media group is horrible, they want to see this country go down the pot so they will have more bad news to report. If I were Huckabee I would not have apologized, he did nothing wrong...and hopefully he is top in the running for VP.
| | By: Right on Conservative | | |
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| The Links: A Joke Gone Bad | | 2008-05-18 23:17:36 | | Served fresh (almost) daily...Kentucky Polling Average: Clinton +36.2, Oregon Polling Average: Obama +12McCain vs. Obama: Obama +2.3McCain vs. Clinton: Clinton +2.2CA Dem Pete Stark, an MA super, and a Nevada pledged delegate go to Obama.Chris Cillizza offers his latest Senate line.John McCain addresses the NRA Convention.Marc Ambinder parses the failures of the Clinton campaign.Obama strikes back against "fear-mongering" Republicans.The Washington Post looks at the merging of the Obama and Clinton camps.MoveOn wants McCain to fire aide Charlie Black.Mike Huckabee jokes about an Obama assassination at the NRA Convention.McCain's finance co-chair resigns due to connections to lobbyists.Paul Maslin looks at Obama's road to 270 electoral votes.Can Obama drive turnout and help down ballot Dems in the South?Conservative columnist Robert Novak looks back at 45 years in the business.Ted Kennedy is resting comfortably after suffering an apparent seizure this weekend.Men's Fitness names Obama o | | By: Political Realm | | |
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| Music Video: The Game - 911 Is A Joke (Cop Killa) | | 2008-05-14 15:43:23 | | YouTube Direktvideo link
Music Video: The Game - 911 Is A Joke (Cop Killa)The Game has released a music video for his controversial record, “911 Is A Joke,” which is a response to the acquittal of three New York City police officers involved in the 50-bullet shooting of Sean Bell.“I’m outraged and speaking out for my [...] | | By: The.DERRTY Truth | | |
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| Scary Joke! | | 2008-05-11 23:05:50 | | This guy was on the side of the road, hitch hiking, on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was black and no cars went by. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It stopped. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door and and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel.The car started slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel..The guy, paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they get to a curve.The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila,and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when they r | | By: Life Disguised in Humor | | |
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| Practical Joke | | 2008-05-11 17:14:59 | | http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhZ3msTuFZM
This cracked me up so much, that I just had to share.
Enjoy
Simon from www.simsnotes.com | | By: Random Good Stuff | | |
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| Army roll call joke | | 2008-05-11 10:15:10 | | It was early morning at an Army camp and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
“Ames”
“Here!”
“Jenson”
“Here!”
“Jones”
“Here!”
“Magersky”
“Here!”
“Seeback”
” — ”
“Seeback!”
” — ”
“SEEBACK!!!”
” — ”
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant’s ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over [...] | | By: Encyclopedia of Humor | | |
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| School joke | | 2008-05-09 03:41:00 | | School Joke A first-grade teacher, Ms Tulip (Age 2 was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked," Boy, what is your problem?" Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" Ms Tulip had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Tulip he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Boy: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Boy: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Tulip and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade. " Ms Tulip says to the princi | | By: How to be Rich, Happy and Free from Scams | | |
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| Polish Bank Joke | | 2008-05-01 13:38:24 | | Back during the Solidarity days, I heard that the following joke was being told in Poland:
A man goes into the Bank of Gdansk to make a deposit. Since he has never kept money in a bank before, he is a little nervous.
“What happens if the Bank of Gdansk should fail?” he asks.
“Well, in that [...] | | By: Encyclopedia of Humor | | |
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| Who’s there Easter Bunny Joke | | 2008-04-27 04:27:55 | | Knock,knock.
Who’s there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Juan
Juan who?
Juan more ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin
Justin who?
Justin other Ether Bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Samoa
Samoa who?
Samoa Ether Bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beryl
Beryl who?
Beryl of ether bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to listen to any more ether bunny jokes?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?
Knock, [...] | | By: Encyclopedia of Humor | | |
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| Yahoo Online News is a Joke | | 2008-04-20 10:36:00 | | Has anyone ever successfully watched news video on yahoo news?? Usually when I am sitting int he airport I will try and watch news clips from yahoo news. The amazing thing is yahoo has figured out...
[[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]
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| It’s No Joke Anymore. I’m Selling TW3O! | | 2008-04-15 03:03:14 | | Yep, you read it right. It’s for sale!
Okay, guys and gals. I’m serious now. I’m really selling this blog because of the following reasons:
I want to have more time to spend on my academics once I’m back to school. I really wanna beat the hell out of my competitors. I’m dead serious! I’m gonna achieve [...] | | By: The WWW Observer | | |
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| Pink Elephant Joke - for which I apologise in advance! | | 2008-04-06 05:46:07 | | But I couldn't resist :-)A frog goes into a bank and approaches the cashier. He can see fromher nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Ms. Whack, I'd like toget a £5,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog sayshis name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay,he knows the bank manager.Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.The frog says, "Sure. I have this", and produces a tiny porcelainelephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with thebank manager, and disappears into a back office.She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jaggerout there, who claims to know you and wants to borrow £5,000. And hewants to use THIS as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"The bank manager looks back at her and says......Wait for it................. | | By: Tails of Terror from the Black Lagoon! | | |
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| Blowing Chunks - Joke of the Day | | 2008-04-04 18:32:15 | | A man goes into a bar and proceeds to get completely plastered. If there was a falling-down drunk, he’d be a glued-to-the-floor drunk. The barkeep pours him into a cab to take him home.
Next evening, the man returns still looking pale and hungover. “Hey, bartender, you asshole! Why’d you let me get so drunk last [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Opel Agila High-Heel Shoes – Again, its No Joke! | | 2008-04-04 13:17:00 | | Just like our previous article on Volvo’s C30 personalized sticker program, while it may sound like an April Fools’ Day gag, the Opel Agila high-heel shoes do indeed exist. Designed by Luca Stappers, these one-of-a-kind aqua-colored high heel shoes were unveiled on Wednesday April 2 during a special party at the SHOEBALOO shoe shop in Amsterdam, Holland as part of Opel’s promotional campaign for the new Agila minicar. Still don’t believe us? Well then check out the photos from the event right after the jump! -Continued | | By: Car News | | |
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| April Fools Joke Part II | | 2008-04-02 18:58:00 | | Well, it looks like the good people at the government of Canada were reading my blog the other day because they implemented that 48 hour notice on the TTC strike which of course totally throws off any chance of my April Fools vacation day plan of working.(shakes fist in the air) | | By: Roland's Blog | | |
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| Hillary Clinton's April Fool's Day Joke | | 2008-04-02 07:19:24 | | We were watching TV early this evening and my husband, I guess, did not realize that today is April fool’s Day. So when he heard Hillary challenging Barrack Obama to a bowling match, he said "there she is again, what is she doing?" Oh, that was funny...LOL. She got us that time...LOL. I didn't realize it either, that it was April Fool's Day today, so it also kind of astonished me in a way, and | | By: Simply Me | | |
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| Desktop Takeover - April fools joke using Flash | | 2008-04-01 13:40:00 | | This is a little trick I've pulled on some family members in the past and most recently on my boss for April Fools. All you need for this is a working version of Adobe Flash.If you cant see whats happening, basically the effect is that the desktop looks like its moving back and forth.So all I am doing here is tweening 2 instances of the desktop (which i Print Screened) over a static instance. Then all you do is full screen the SWF on your targets desktop. You can do a lot with this little gag including; hiding the users mouse, popping up text and moving icons at will.Back when GMail did their YouTube contest, i used this gag to simulate the envelope moving across multiple screens.A few things to remember when doing this are: Make sure your stage width and height are the same as the target monitor I use PNG's of the desktop so there is no quality loss Make sure you do View -> Full Screen and not just maximize the SWF* Update: Here are the source files of an example | | By: Jon Bishop's Blog | | |
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| Batman: The Killing Joke | | 2008-04-01 00:48:42 | |
Batman: The Killing JokeBy Alan Moore, Brian Bolland List Price: $17.99Price: $12.23 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details
The Killing Joke, one of my favorite Batman stories ever, stirred a bit of controversy because the story involves the Joker brutally, pointlessly shooting Commissioner Gordon's daughter in the spine. This is a no-holds-barred take on a truly insane criminal mind, masterfully written by British comics writer Alan Moore. The art by Brian Bolland is so appealing that his depiction of the Joker became a standard and was imitated by many artists to follow.... | | By: Store Books Cheap | | |
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| Eat your words - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-28 15:47:16 | | A man’s running his eye over a menu in a restaurant when his attractive waitress asks him what he’d fancy. “A quickie, please” “Sir,” she says, “I’ll ask you one more time, is there anything that takes your fancy?” “Yes,” says the man again. “A quickie.” Outraged she slaps him across the face and storms [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| April Fools Joke | | 2008-03-27 21:27:00 | | Unless you've been living in a box this week you probably heard that there will be a good chance of a TTC strike on tuesday. Now, being the clever deviant that I am, I noticed that this lands right on April fools. So, theres the off chance that the strike will get settled in time, but not to fear. If it does you don't have to go to work because you've got the perfect original excuse. Just play it something like this:Manager: "Where were you yesterday.."You: (deer in the headlights look)You: "There was work yesterday? I couldn't get to work because of the strike."Manager: "The strike was canceled. Didn't you hear?" You: "Yes, I heard. but I thought that was an April's fools joke. (points to calender)"Enjoy your vacation day people. | | By: Roland's Blog | | |
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| Car Lot Joke Of The Day - Service Department | | 2008-03-25 21:30:00 | | This joke actually comes from the service department instead of the sales department. I do not want any customers to take offense to this as it does not refer to you.The service manager gathered his service writers together for a meeting. If you do not know, the service writer is the person who greets you and takes the information on your vehicle pertaining to the problem you are having.The service manager continued to go over many points that needed to be handled. As he was ending the meeting, he said;"You must remember, ALL customers that enter this service department have a problem. It's YOUR job to determine if it's mechanical or mental."Be sure and check out these other Car Salesman Jokes and Car Lot Humor;Car Salesman Joke; EyeglassesGrean Pea (New Car Salesman) PrankCar Salesman Joke-Flying CarsCar Salesman Joke-A Little Tail
| | By: Car Buying Tips To Save You Money | | |
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| Smelling And Hearing - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-18 18:33:23 | | An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, “Doc, it’s terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it’s odorless and silent, otherwise I’d be mortified. For example, I’ve passed gas ten times just since we’ve been talking, but it’s odorless and silent so you can’t tell.” The doctor gives her some green pills [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Killing Joke, conciertos en Madrid y Barcelona | | 2008-03-18 13:30:00 | |
Killing Joke, una de las bandas abanderadas del post-punk han vuelto y se acercarán a España con la formación original para presentar en directo sus dos primeros discos. Jaz Coleman (voz y teclado), Geordie Walker (guitarra), Paul Ferguson (batería) y Martin "Youth" Glover (bajo) visitarán España a mediados de septiembre para ofrecer dos conciertos dentro de su gira mundial. Será en la sala Heineken de Madrid el 16 de septiembre y en la sala Apolo de Barcelona el día 18.
Una gran oportunidad de escuchar en directo los temas de sus discos "Killing Joke" y "What’s This For…!". Killing Joke probablemente editen además nuevo álbum este año, coincidiendo con el inicio de su gira.
Martes 16 de septiembre de 2008 – Sala Heineken – Madrid
Jueves 18 de septiembre de 2008 – Sala Apolo – Barcelona
Las entradas para las dos ciudades ya están a la venta con un precio de 28 € (gastos de distribución no incluidos). Venta en www.ticktackticket.com
www.killingjoke.com
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| Accused Of Old Age - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-17 18:33:25 | | Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking… surely I cannot look that old? You may enjoy this short story.
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Sick Note - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-15 21:55:10 | | A guy goes to the doctor, and says, “Doc, I feel like I’ve got something lodged in my asshole.” The quack has a peek and says, “I can definitely see something.” So he gets his tweezers and pulls out a $50 note. Then another £50 pounds then 20 quid, then a tenner and so on [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| The Gas Men - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-12 09:29:53 | | Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| The Barber - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-11 09:29:14 | | A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking TWA,” was the reply. “We got [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Blonde Alligator - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-10 09:28:44 | | A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Three Girls Go Camping - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-09 09:27:31 | | One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Anal Crohn's, Candles, Suppositories (Canasa) and a Poop Joke | | 2008-03-08 22:44:00 | | Yeah so I guess now I have "anal Crohn's" in the form of a potential fistula. I guess that explains why I walk around with paper towels folded up between my ass cheeks and have such urgency issues. Anyways, now crohn's has given me the luxury of an excuse to shove my own fingers up my ass. So after a Corona or two the other night, I laid on the couch and lit some candles (yes, literally...I am such a romantic). After the mood was set I got the astroglide out of Amy's night stand and crammed a Canasa rectal suppository up my ass. How hot is that!? So I guess the Canasa is pretty much like a Pentasa or Asacol but it just goes up the poop chute.Gross I know, but makes for good laughs as I have in typical fashion told this story to everyone. Gotta love Crohn's humor and poop jokes. Always a good time. So I guess this is a good time for a poop joke:At the start of English class, the teacher asked the students to use the word, definitely, in a sentence.Little Timmy raised his hand. The teac | | By: Living with Crohn's Disease | | |
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| Potential & Reality - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-08 08:26:40 | | A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Yankees -vs- Red Sox - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-07 08:26:10 | | A teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
“Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?”
“The Red Sox.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.”
“That’s not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Chinese Words Joke | | 2008-03-06 20:46:02 | | The White Cat was once a Lost Sheep! But now the Sheep Evolved. Its genes mutated. It becomes the mutated cream cat.
Someone wrote this to me:
i just surfed by your page by doing a net search for window blinds. its amazing where cyberspace can take you. anyhow, you [...] | | By: Health Motivator | | |
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| Oh, Those Darn Lawyers - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-05 08:23:29 | | Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they’re off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
”Help me find my ball. Look [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| That’s A Buncha Bull - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-04 08:22:56 | | A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser’s balls. So he signed [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| sufi joke of Nasruddin | who is pious? | | 2008-03-03 13:27:00 | | who is pious? The Mullahs shouts: 'A pious man grows a beard!' and Nasruddin replies: 'Then my goat is the most pious of all'a sufi way of teaching | Once, Mulla Nasruddin went to a fair with his disciples, where people were shooting arrows. Mulla joined the sport and took the first shot, which fell short. The crowd started laughing and the Mulla said: ''This is what happens when you live with an inferiority complex. You cannot reach the target because your heart is not wholly in it.'' The next arrow surpassed the target but Mulla turned to say: ''This is what happens to a man who thinks very highly of himself. He runs so fast that he bypasses the goal.'' Now Mulla shot the third arrow, hitting the target accurately and he said: ''This is me!''if we leave God out of it | Our Mullah Nasruddin took all his savings and went to buy a shirt. All eyes and ears he entered a tailor's shop, was measured and told: "Will you be back in a week? God willing - your shirt will be finished." The week | | By: Inspirations and Creative Thoughts | | |
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| An Oyster Joke | | 2008-03-03 11:51:09 | | Policemen were investigating the scene of the crime where a woman and a man lay dead on the bed in a room.
Policeman: What have caused these lovers’ death? Any suspect?
At this, the oysters in a plate in the bedside table got alarmed and talked to themselves.
Oyster 1: What do you reckon killed the girl?
Oyster 2: The bacteria in us.
Oyster 1: What?
Oyster 3: They ate us raw, man!
Oyster 1: So
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| | By: My Consoling Asylum | | |
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| Stewed Tomatoes - Joke of the Day | | 2008-03-03 08:22:33 | | A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he’s worry about getting seasick.
The doctor suggests, ”Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.”
The guy replies, ”Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?”
The doctor says, ”No, but it’ll look real pretty in the water.” | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Lipstick - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-29 16:15:55 | | According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Medication For Life - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-28 00:24:04 | | A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Will - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-26 22:12:58 | | An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make
her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Bloomingdales. “Bloomingdales!†the rabbi exclaimed.
“Why Bloomingdales?â€
“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.†| | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| College professor - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-25 13:56:43 | | Steve, a college professor and a wealthy investor walked into a bank and said
to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr.Reginald Jones, who I
understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.”
The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon
as we catch him.” | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Adult joke - How do you feel about sex ? | | 2008-02-25 13:54:00 | | In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship."How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly."Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently. "The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked ............"Is that one word or two?" | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
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| Three Drunk Women - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-20 17:18:31 | | Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Twice a day - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-19 22:47:14 | | This guy goes into a doctors and says “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help me. I just can’t stop having sex!”"Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks. “Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day”, he answers back.”That’s not so much”, says the doctor. “Yes, but thats not [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| A Scary Ride! - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-18 18:14:20 | | A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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| Help Wanted - Joke of the Day | | 2008-02-17 08:10:41 | | A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign [...] | | By: Dailywaste.com Humor and Funny Pics | | |
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