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| Articles about Jokes |
| Santabanta jokes - Ransom | | 2008-08-28 10:58:11 | | Having snuck out with a very cute young woman that he met at a party, Banta, exhausted from hours of hot sex, woke up at her apartment at 3 A.M."Oh God!" Banta thought, "Jeeto's gonna kill me!"Trying to figure out how he would explain this to Jenny without getting whacked with a frying pan, inspiration struck first.Banta dashed out to the nearest pay phone, dialed his home number quickly, and breathlessly said, "Jeeto, Jeeto! Don't pay the ransom!!!I escaped!!!"
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Blonde jokes - I can't work | | 2008-08-28 10:28:12 | | I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's a blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"I told him I was a light bulb.He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."I jumped down and walked out of the office.When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Santabanta Jokes - Doctor Banta | | 2008-08-27 23:04:59 | | A Doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients"."Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta.The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks, "So, Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three patients."The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin.""Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor."The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta."Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor."Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor."I put drops in her eyes!!!
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| Adult jokes - 16 Reasons To Date Horseback | | 2008-08-27 12:57:29 | | 16 Reasons To Date A Horse Rider1.We have 4 speeds and many positions2.We wear tight pants and tall boots3.We love getting dirty4.We know how to ride our mounts5.We perform well with animals6.We like to be in control7.We’ll ride it for hours8.We know how to handle a big girth9.We get off easy10.We’re always on top11.We like it rough12.We have our legs spread all day long13.We love using whips14.Stradling is our natural position15.We don’t mind being bucked around16.Endurance riders do it longer
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| | Blonde jokes - Bet is bet | | 2008-08-26 12:06:16 | | A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Adult jokes - Jam Sandwich | | 2008-08-26 10:16:31 | | A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for a 69er."She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.She says, "Answer the door."He says, "But my face is a mess."She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
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| Funny Jokes - Cue Ball | | 2008-08-26 09:25:13 | | A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgust... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Really funny jokes-Cabbie | | 2008-08-26 02:05:00 | | A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.'I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you,' says the cabbie.'My son, you cannot offend me,' says the Nun. 'When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.''Well,' said the cabbie, 'I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me.''Well, lets see what we can do about that,' the Nun replies. 'First,you have to be single and, second, you must be Catholic.'The cabbie is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!''Okay,' says the Nun. 'Pull into the next alley.'The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a passonate kiss but, when they get back on the road, the cabbie starts crying.'My dear child,' says the Nun, 'why are you crying?''Forgive me, Sister, for I have sinne... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Blonde jokes-Coast | | 2008-08-26 02:04:00 | | A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.The husband said, "Who was that?"The wife said, "I don't know! It was some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 46 | | 2008-08-25 04:57:01 | | A LIZARD fell on a table......Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;Kikay: Eew, lizard!;Astig: Shit, butiki!;Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;Mahirap: Pare, ULAM! ----------------- LADY:Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?PRIEST: Kasi ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha! -----------------SA PRUSISYON.PARI: Ang mga boys, sumunod sa karo ni San Jose. . . At ang mga girls, sa karo naman ni Mama Mary !BAKLA: Kami father, saan kami susunod?PARI: Hoy! Mga bruha!. . . Follow me!-----------------TUKMOL: Sino sa inyo ang matapang? Lumabas!SIGA: Ako, matapang ako, bakit may problema ka?TUKMOL: Wala po sir, survey lang ho....O Ngayon, yung mga duwag naman ang lumabas! -----------------A WOMAN worries about the future until she gets a husband.A MAN never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A SUCCESSFUL MAN is one who makes money...MORE than his wife can spend.A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN is one who ca... | | By: Pinoy Jokes,Funny Pinoy SMS Text Messages,Pinoy Fu | | |
| | Funny adult jokes-No sex since 1955 | | 2008-08-25 02:04:00 | | A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation."Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?""Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action.""Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?""1955, ma'am.""Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room w... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Humor jokes-Second Notice | | 2008-08-25 02:02:00 | | A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice."Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Religon Jokes - selling Bibles | | 2008-08-24 10:23:07 | | While checking the church storeroom, the pastor discovered several cases of new Bibles that never had been opened and distributed.So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise money for the church. Jack, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer who always had kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But because he didn't want to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.He sent the three of them away with the backseats of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their efforts the following Sunday.Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately ask... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - Best Consultant | | 2008-08-24 06:53:25 | | Doctor Simon is known throughout London as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.One day, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over andleans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her.Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office.15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face.A woman in the waiting room says, "It's unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect. What a fantastic doctor he is. Tell me, what did DoctorSimon do to you?""Miracle, shmiracle, he just gave me a longer walking stick."
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| | Funny Jokes - Problum with Women | | 2008-08-24 06:15:19 | | If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemanIf you don’t, you are not a manIf you praise her, she thinks you are lyingIf you don’t, you are good for nothingIf you agree to all her likes, you are a wimpIf you don’t, you are not understandingIf you visit her often,she thinks it is boringIf you don’t , she accuses you of double-crossingIf you are well dressed, she says you are a playboyIf you don’t , you are a dull boyIf you are jealous, she says it’s badIf you don’t, she thinks you do not love herIf you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect herIf you don’t, she thinks you do not like herIf you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to waitIf she is late, she says that’s a girl’s wayIf you visit another man, you’re not putting in “quality time”If she is visited by another woman, “Oh it’s natural, we are girls”If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are coldIf you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantageIf you stare at ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Doctor jokes- Whistling softly | | 2008-08-24 02:03:00 | | A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly he said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Short Funny Jokes - Sardar Jokes | | 2008-08-24 00:16:47 | | Sardar declares:I will never marry in my life andI'll give same advice to my children also*************************************************SARDAR talking on cell.2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.1ST: biwi se.....2ND: itne... pyar se....?1ST: tumhari hai. . .*****************************************A donkey kicked sardar & ran awaysardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.****************************************sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300mlnow it's 1.5 ltr.***************************************teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 timessardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara***************************************Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....********************... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Short Funny jokes - Short jokes | | 2008-08-23 12:39:53 | | A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"Girl: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"******************************A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed onhis leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.A passer by who'd seen everything remarked: "That's very tolerant of you after what he just did." "Not really," came the reply. "I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him."*****************************An American report: We crossed chickens with cows. The new breed simultaneously produces milk, meat and eggs.Report from France: We crossed flies and bees. The hybrid flies over the trash fields and produces honey.Report from Russia: We crossed a melon with cockroaches. When you cut this melon, seeds run away by themselves.
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| | Funny Jokes - Worried | | 2008-08-23 12:35:42 | | Two school girls were talking in school break.Girl 1: You seem worried today. what’s the matter?Girl 2: Ya! As my mom’s gonna marry again soon.Girl 1: What’s that bothering you, new relationship or new father?Girl 2: New father! hes a famous man. I wonder how would he treat me?Girl 1: Who’s he?Girl 2: Mr. Baig! The famous film maker.Girl 1: Don’t you worry then at all! Hes a nice chap.Girl 2: How can you say that?Girl 1: He was my father last month!
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| | Really funny jokes-Ham | | 2008-08-23 02:05:00 | | A woman went to the Governor about getting an early release for her husband who was serving time in a state penitentiary."What's he in for?", asked the Governor."For stealing a ham.""That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?""No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy.""Oh... well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?""No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth.""Why would you want a man like that out of prison?""Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Kids jokes-Donations | | 2008-08-23 02:04:00 | | After the church service, a little boy told the pastor he was going to give him a lot of money when he grew up."Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "But why?""Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had!" ... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Adult Jokes - the confession | | 2008-08-22 13:05:23 | | Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor."Father, I am sinful.""Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you.""Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her.""That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake.""Father, last week I went to my grilfriend's office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too.""That's not very good of you.""Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too.""Father? ... Father?"Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he w... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Jhonny Jokes - let me suck it | | 2008-08-22 13:03:59 | | One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!""Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered."Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven."Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacherasked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heardmy mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."
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| | | Adult jokes-The bet | | 2008-08-22 02:05:00 | | An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savingsaccount and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right), an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000".The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money.The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"The elderly woman replied, "Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."The president started to laugh and told the woman that it wasimpossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. Shejust looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take mybet?""Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Humor jokes-An Honest lawyer | | 2008-08-22 02:04:00 | | An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel and so she began interviewing young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward; "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Adult jokes - Sex on fence | | 2008-08-21 13:39:46 | | An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. Thehusband leans over and asks his wife: "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind?""Yes," she says, "I remember it well.""OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.""Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks: 'I've got to see this...two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so's there's no trouble.”So he follows the old couple behind the tavern.They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Really funny jokes-Fancy dress party | | 2008-08-21 02:04:00 | | A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.A Few days later he receives a parcel with a note:Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.The man is really Incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company wi... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Funny Jokes - Hide & seek | | 2008-08-20 22:47:06 | | There were three boys named Manners, Shut up and Trouble.One day,the boys decide to play hide-and-seek. Trouble is on. Manners goes andhides in a tree and Shut up goes and hides in a trash can. At thatmoment, a policeman comes up to the trash can to throw away a bananapeel. He opens the lid, only to find a boy in there.The policeman asks, " What are you doing in there, boy?"Shut up replies, "Playing hide-and-seek, sir."Intrigued, the policeman asks,"What's your name, boy?""Shut up.""Where are your manners, boy?!""Manners is up the tree.""Boy, are you looking for trouble???""No sir, Trouble is looking for me!"
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| | Adult jokes-Mexican | | 2008-08-20 02:03:00 | | After just two days of driving through Mexico, Steve was sick and tired of Mexicans. "They hate Americans," he told his wife, "and I swear - the next one I see, I'm gonna make that son of a bitch suffer!"As it happened, Steve's anger was such that he didn't look where he was going, and rear ended a brawny farmer in a pickup truck.The Mexican came over and leaned in Steve's window. "Hey grreeennngo - why you heet my truck?""Because I can't stand you or any other Mexican grease balls!" Steve ranted. "In fact, if you're man enough, I'm gonna come out and kick the shit out of you!"The Mexican motioned Steve out. "I make a deel weetch you," he said. "If you ween, you take my truck. If I ween, not only do I f**k your wife, but you weel hold my balls to keep them off the hot street."The men agreed and fought.Later, Steve was smiling as he and his wife drove off.I told you I'd make some Mexican suffer!" he gloated.His wife looked at him. "What the HELL are you talking about?"Steve smiled. "Did... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Celebrity jokes-Billy Graham | | 2008-08-20 02:01:00 | | Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.'Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway.A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.He told the supervisor, 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... But I also know that imp... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Blonde jokes - working on a house | | 2008-08-19 22:43:35 | | Two blondes are working on a house. One of them, who’s nailing down siding, has been reaching into her pouch, pulling out a nail, and either tossing it over her shoulder or nailing it in.The second blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asks, "Hey—how come you’re throwing half the nails over your shoulder?"The first blonde explains, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away because it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in.""You moron!" the second blonde yells. "The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective. They’re for the other side of the house."
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| | Funny Jokes - Argument on god | | 2008-08-19 22:22:56 | | Three men are arguing in a bar. The first says, “God must be a mechanical engineer—just look at the joints in the human body.”The second says, “God is an electrical engineer—look at the nervous system.” The third says, “God has to be a civil engineer—who else would run awaste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?”
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| | Funny jokes - Get out of there | | 2008-08-19 13:30:07 | | A boy was meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who wassitting underneath the boy’s chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart."Duke!" the dad yelled."This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one."Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was home free so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart."Duke! Get out of there before the boy shits on you!"
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| | Really funny jokes-Young daughter | | 2008-08-19 02:05:00 | | A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wondersSuddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating."Daddy what are those two spiders doing?" she asked."They're mating" her father replied."What do you call the spider on top?" she asked."That's a Daddy Longlegs" her father answered."So the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."The little girl looking a little puzzled thought for a moment then took her foot and stomped them flat saying "We're nothaving any of that brokeback mountain shit in our garden."Brings a tear to your eye...doesn' t it!... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Doctor jokes-Excess weight | | 2008-08-19 02:04:00 | | "Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient."I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid.""The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Adult Jokes - Crowded heaven | | 2008-08-18 13:22:46 | | Heaven was getting too crowded so one day God told St. Peter to only allow those who had had a bad day on the day of their death in. Not long afterwards a man shows up at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter says "Hello, sir, How was your day?" The man replies, "Just awful. I came home to my apartment on the thirteenth floor of my building and when I opened the door I found a man and a woman in bed together. I shut the door quickly but soon realized that the woman in the bed was my wife. I opened the door again but the guy was gone. I searched all over and finally I found him hanging on by his fingers off of my balcony. I ran over and started banging on his fingertips. He fell off but landed on a bush so I grabbed the first thing I could find, the refridgerator, and threw it on top of him. Then I guess I had a heart attack because here I am." St. Peter smiled and said, "Okay, sir, I can see you’ve had a bad day...welcome to Heaven."A little while later a man in an exercising suit came up t... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Jhonny jokes - I have got these | | 2008-08-18 12:28:44 | | Little Johnny and Jane are playing in the garden when they start having an argument about whether boys are better than girls. After a while Johnny stands up and pulls down his shorts saying, "Boys are better than girls 'cause you haven't got one of these!" Jane looks at him in astonishment as she knows that she hasn't got one of those between her legs. She bursts out crying and rushes inside to her mother. A little while later she comes back out with a big smile on her face. "My mum says girls are better than boys," she says. "No they're not," says Johnny pulling down his shorts, "You haven't got one of these!" Jane looks at him, then raises her skirt, pulls down her panties and says, "My mum says that as long as I've got one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!"
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| | Funny Adult jokes-Boneless Chicken Breasts | | 2008-08-18 02:06:00 | | A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher."Don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Dirty Blonde jokes - eye examination | | 2008-08-17 13:01:37 | | A gorgeous young blonde was visiting her new doctor for the first time. She was escorted to the small patient room and left alone to wait. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the examination.Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and the doctor stepped in.Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation."Miss... uh..." he said, looking at the chart to get his eyes off her significant assets, "Smith!" he said, finally finding her name. "It seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Blonde jokes - Suicide attempt | | 2008-08-17 12:36:04 | | A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off."How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her."Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied."What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?""No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, andthen I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.""So then?" asked the doctor."Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.""So then?""Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - God is missing | | 2008-08-17 05:02:31 | | A couple had two little boys ages 4 and 8, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that the father of the church had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The father agreed, and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 4-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the father in the afternoon. The father, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The father repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So the father raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bol... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Desi SMS - SMS jokes | | 2008-08-17 04:50:02 | | Husband wife mein larai hoi,Husband ghar se chala gaya,Husb:Rat ko phone pay,”Khanay mein kia hai”Wife:Zeher.Husb:Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana:D******************Girl:Me tumse shadi nahi ker saktiisliye ye lo apne love lettersor mere mujhe wapis karo!Boy bari c basket samne rakhte howay,Is me se jo jo tumharay hain nikal lo!*******************A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,“Hey vaheguru meri lottery lagady.”After 11 years VaheGuru angrily appeared& said,”Khoti de putar 1 vari ticket te le ley”*******************Message of the year:-Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!Why? Very simple…A woman does not have a wife..!!!*******************Biwi(Ghusse Main): Tumhare Dimagh Main ToSirf Gobar Hi Bhara Hai..!!Husband (Pyar Se):To Phr Itni Dyer Se Kha Q Rahi Ho….??*******************Man: Sir, my wife is missing.Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai,police station me complain dijiyee.Man:Kia karon, khushi k marekuch samajh nahin aa raha
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| | Really funny jokes-Thermometer | | 2008-08-17 02:06:00 | | A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature. " After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth."No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer. "This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.After half an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room."What's going on here?"... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Jhonny Jokes - I am Coming | | 2008-08-16 12:32:49 | | The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs."The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God,I'm coming!"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."The nun fainted.
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | santabanta jokes - Dead men bleed | | 2008-08-16 05:17:58 | | Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed."Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked."Yes, I do," Banta replied."Very well, then," the doctor said.He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?""Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Adult jokes-Nymphomaniac | | 2008-08-16 02:05:00 | | The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked."Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac. ""I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.""That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Humor jokes-Smart Revenge | | 2008-08-16 02:04:00 | | Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup truck in Mildred's driveway...walked home...and left it there all night.... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Funny jokes - Powder nose | | 2008-08-15 05:26:25 | | A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has togo to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite anddon't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in fora little while because he does not know what to say to the little girlto excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at therestaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the littlegirl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". Andsaying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?""Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox."Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Question answer jokes - Pregnancy Q & A | | 2008-08-15 05:19:11 | | Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Really funny jokes-The Perfect Man | | 2008-08-15 02:05:00 | | A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'Passenger: 'Who?'Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he ... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Doctor jokes-Death certificate | | 2008-08-15 02:04:00 | | "I need to revise the death certificate I just handed you." my fellow doctor said to a nurse I was working with."What's wrong?" she asked."It's a little embarrassing, " he said. Then, pulling her aside, he whispered, "I was in a hurry when I signed it and, well, I accidentally wrote my name under "Cause of Death."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Dirty Blonde Jokes - I'll try | | 2008-08-14 10:10:31 | | A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts thealligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll makeyou a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitalsinside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll thenopen his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return forwitnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, droppedhis trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the mangrabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of itshead. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals,unscathed as promised.The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer."I'll pay anyone one hundred dollars who's willing to give it a try." Ahush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - Indian cricket team | | 2008-08-14 03:25:50 | | After the shameful defeat of Indian cricket team in2007 Worldcup, the team members were not able toshow their faces to people and they chose not to go in public andrather just pack up in hotel rooms.Dravid could not resist for too long. So he disguises himself as aSardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greetshim "Hi Dravid!"Surprised for having been caught he comes back andmakes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet sameagain - the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".Dravid comes back determined to give it yet anothertry with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain- the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".Bewildered by now, he could not help asking,"How did you recongise me?"The lady replied - "Ssshhh...Main hoon yaar. Tendulkar"
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| | Adult jokes-The Gift | | 2008-08-14 02:06:00 | | A young man was deciding on what to buy as a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday. After much consideration, he decided apair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister bought herself a pair of panties. During the wrapping, the clerk accidentally mixed up the items. The sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly dirty. I had... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Really funny jokes-Jewelry | | 2008-08-14 02:05:00 | | A young man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.The young man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special. "At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. " Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000, " the jeweler said.The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.The young man seeing this said, "We'll take it. "The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the young man stated, " by cheque.""I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon. "Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the young man. "There's no money in that account.""I know ", said the young man, "but ... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Bush Jokes | | 2008-08-13 06:53:25 | | Yesterday, President Bush announced there are going to be some big changes in intelligence in the White House.
Well, he’s leaving…
- Jay Leno
_____________________________________
President Bush...
... | | By: AmyOops | | |
| | Adult jokes-Dumb | | 2008-08-13 02:06:00 | | Kevin, the dumb, said "I'm breaking up with Sherry!", to his friend James."Are you crazy ? Sherry is a beautiful and smart woman!", said James.Kevin responded... "Last night Sherry broke down and told me she was bisexual, and who the hell wants to screw just twice a year?... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Really funny jokes-Welfare | | 2008-08-13 02:05:00 | | A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apart ment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, 'You're bu... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Kids jokes-At the doctor's | | 2008-08-13 02:04:00 | | A four-year-old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"The little girl stayed silent.Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"Again, the little girl was silent.Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heartbeat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?""Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Funny Jokes - can tell by the sound | | 2008-08-12 03:01:14 | | A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb.test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Adult jokes-In the shadows | | 2008-08-12 02:06:00 | | Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows."Twenty quid " she whispers.He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck, its only twenty quid.So they hide in the bushes. They've going "at it" for a couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It's a police officer."What's going on here, people?" asks the officer."I'm making love to my wife," Paddy answers indignantly."Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know.""Well, " Paddy says,"Neither did I, until you shined that light in her face.... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Really funny jokes-Wrong Way | | 2008-08-12 02:04:00 | | Seventy-six year old Grace was watching TV at home late one afternoon.Presently, the 5:00 news came on. The lead story was traffic mayhem on I-95 due to a car going down the highway the wrong way.Grace suddenly realized her husband was traveling home on that very same highway. Concerned, she reached for the phone and called him on his cell."Harold," she said when he answered. "Are you still on I-95?""I am," Harold replied."Well then please be careful!" Grace said. "I just heard on the news that some maniac is going down the highway the wrong way!""One?" Harold replied. "Aw, heck, Grace, they're ALL going the wrong way!"... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Jhonny Jokes - I just saw | | 2008-08-11 22:59:08 | | A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?""Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.""Get out of my classroom!" she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgottento title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.She quickly turns and asks,"What's so funny, Billy?""Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!"This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." She says.Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bendsover to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh fromanother male student.She quickly turns to see Litt... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Blonde jokes - Haircut | | 2008-08-11 12:03:03 | | A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in thehair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hairstylist could not take off the headphones.the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a differenthair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok". after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took offthe headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at whathappened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breathin, breath out"
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - cash from an ATM | | 2008-08-11 11:40:20 | | MenDrive to the bank, park, go to the cash dispenser Insert card Dial code and desired amount Take the cash, the card and the slipWomenDrive to the bank Engine stalled Check make-up in the mirror Apply perfume Manually check haircut Park the car - failure Park the car - failure Park the car - success Search for the card in the handbag Insert card, rejected by the machine Throw phonecard back in handbag Look for bank card Insert card Look for the chit (where secret code written) in handbag Enter code Study instructions for 2 minutes #Cancel# Re-enter code #Cancel# Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct code Enter huge amount #Error# Enter large amount #Error# Enter smaller amount Cross fingers Take cash Go back to the car Check make up in rear mirror Look for keys in handbag Start car Drive 50 meters STOP Drive back to bank machine Get out of the car Take card and ticket back from machine Go back to the car Throw card on passenger seat Throw slip ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny adult jokes-Statue | | 2008-08-11 02:06:00 | | An artist brought her lover home one afternoon. Amongst many statues, sculptures and paintings, she brought him into her bed and they spent the next few hours having a passionate roll in the hay.As they were lying together in the afterglow, a car was heard pulling into the driveway."Oh no!" the woman exclaimed. "My husband's home! I didn't expect him home so early!"She jumped out of bed and looked for a place for her lover to hide. The bathroom was too obvious, the closet was full of stuff and there were too many art projects under the bed to fit a person. She heard her husband come in the front door.Suddenly she had an idea. "I know!" she said. "Wait here." She ran into the bathroom, came back with a large bottle of baby powder and moved a few pieces of art to clear a space in the corner of the room."Stand here," she said. "Yes, like that. Now stand still." She then proceeded to sprinkle baby powder all over him until he was completely white. "Now stay like that. You're a statue, OK? ... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Humor jokes-Flying Act | | 2008-08-11 02:04:00 | | A man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the impresario."I have the most unusual act," he announces. "I'm sure it will amaze you."He proceeds to climb a tall tower, and jumps off. He flaps his arms wildly, and finally his fall slows.He soars forward, then swoops upward, turns and swoops back again. Finally he stops in midair and gently lowers himself to the ground.The impresario stares blankly at him for a long time.Finally he says, "Is that all you've got? Bird imitations?"... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Blonde Jokes - Blonde Joke | | 2008-08-10 23:15:08 | | A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Adult Jokes - 3 Drunk men | | 2008-08-10 07:52:24 | | These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.The first guy said, ''''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''''The second guy said, ''''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''''The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''''Then the first guy said, ''''No -- you guys don''t understand! Chunks is my dog!"
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - College Rules | | 2008-08-10 07:47:09 | | On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - best at apprehending criminals | | 2008-08-10 07:41:55 | | The LAPD, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it — including the rabbit — and make no apologies. “The rabbit had it coming.”The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, I’m a rabbit.”
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Adult jokes - 1st date | | 2008-08-10 02:56:33 | | A Young innocent girl is about to go on her 1st date and is given some word of advise and warning by her mother; "Look darling, they all want the same, so do be very careful and don't you ever let him;(1 )- kiss your lips. Your lips are as soft as rose petals and will shrivel.(2) - or touch your breast. They are like of thin crystal and can shatter.(3)- and never ever to touch your "private" part. That one is like a "GRILL" and will burn everything coming to touch it.The girl is off full of excitement and anxiety and Mum waits and waits until just after midnight when she's back. "How was it" asks mum. "Oh mum, it was absolutely fantastic and I think I'm in love!""Lets not go too fast dear. And did he tried to come too close?""Well, yes, he did and I did as you said and he was absolutely careful not to hurt or harm me!""What do you mean careful, did you let him do something?" "Not exactly mum, see it was like that. First he wanted to kiss me and I told him what you said and he stopped. ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Really funny jokes-Mental Health Hotline | | 2008-08-10 02:04:00 | | We recently placed a call to the Mental Health Hotline because one of our associates was feeling a little edgy. They really have covered all the bases. Here's what we got:"Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline....If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. Remember, you are never alone!If you are manic-depressive it doesn't matter which number you press,no one will answer.If you are dyslexic, press 6969696.If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, te... | | By: Really funny jokes | | |
| | Adult Jokes - overseas flight | | 2008-08-10 00:16:20 | | A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American in an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives."Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.""Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," he replied."Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?""Don't Stop !!!"
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - Types Of Girls | | 2008-08-09 12:50:12 | | Types Of Girls - Explanation For Nerds1. HARD DISK GIRLSshe remembers everything, FOREVER.2. RAM GIRLSshe forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.3. WINDOW GIRLSeveryone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.4. SCREENSAVER GIRLSShe is good for nothing but at least she is fun.5. INTERNET GIRLSShe is cool but difficult to access sometimes.6. SERVER GIRLSAlways busy when you need her.7. MULTIMEDIA GIRLSShe makes horrible things look beautiful.8. CD-ROM GIRLSShe is always faster and faster.9. EMAIL GIRLSOut of every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.10. VIRUS GIRLSAlso known as “???” .. when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything…
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Santabanta jokes - Bill gates might sell microsoft. | | 2008-08-09 10:53:33 | | Banta had recently purchased a new computer with Microsoft Windows as the O/S and was unhappy with the same and writes a letter to Bill Gates, regarding the same.Dear Mr. Bill Gates,We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.3.There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.4. My child has learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?5.I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer' when you will provide the remaining items?6.It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Blonde Jokes - Short Blonde Jokes | | 2008-08-09 08:46:10 | | A blonde walks into a library, goes up to the front desk, and says, “I’m here to see the doctor.”“This is a library, dearie,” says the elderly librarian.“Oh, I’m sorry,” whispers the blonde. “I’m here to see the doctor.”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A blonde is on a date with a geography teacher. “Believe it or not, I know all the state capitals,” she says proudly.“Oh, yeah?” says the guy. “What’s the capital of Wisconsin?”“That’s easy,” she replies. “It’s a W.”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A blonde goesto her gynecologist and tells the doctor that no matter how hard sheand her husband have tried, she just can’t get pregnant.The doctor says, “OK, take off your clothes and lay down on the table.”The blonde says, “Um, all right. But I was really hoping to ... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Funny Jokes - Super Bowl | | 2008-08-09 08:34:27 | | A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.The guy sitting next to him says, “Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”“I’m sorry to hear that,” says the first man. “Couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”“Nope,” replies the second guy. “Everyone’s at the funeral.”
... | | By: the chutkule | | |
| | Adult jokes - chicken noodle soup | | 2008-08-09 07:26:19 | | A guy in a restaurant orders chicken noodle soup. He starts to eat he soup and chokes on a hair in the soup. After gagging for a minute, he calls the waitress. "I'm not paying for this soup. There was a hair in it."The waitress and customer get into a bit of an argument over the problem. The guy ends up storming out of the restaurant without paying. The waitress sees the guy go across the street to a house of ill repute. The waitress's shift is over in about 15 minutes.She hurries over to the hooker house and finds out where the guy is. The waitress crashes into the room where the guy and lady of the evening are engaging. As she walks in, the waitress sees the guy with his face in the hooker's business area. The waitress, seeing this, says, "You wouldn't pay for the chicken noodle soup because you found hair in it. Now look where your face is." The guy, upon pulling his face out of the muff, turns to the waitress and says, "And if I find a noodle in there, I will not pay for that eithe... | | By: the chutkule | | |
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